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I think he means the norm puts you at a statistical greater chance of meeting compatible matches. It's all about volume you know. If you wait all your life for that one compatible rarity and live happily ever after, great. If you do the same but you happen to fall inside a bigger pool of dating matches, great as well. The difference is the latter is much more likely to not end up alone and embittered that their lot in life didn't pan out. To suggest aiming for the former as an ideal pursuit is frankly disingenuous. Nobody is suggesting losing yourself in the process, but to say one is better off working harder for the same outcome is just not sensical.
I think a different way of putting what the OP meant is the term I use to refer to the same concept, which is: are you dateable? Meaning, do more rather than less peers find you, at a minimum, inside of the nominal criteria to seriously consider the proposition of dating you and characterizing it as having a shot, as opposed to render it "a ship built to sink".
As for yours truly, at the age of almost 30, I consider myself fairly "undateable" these days. I need somebody with the ability AND willingness to relocate as required by my career, but have a portable vocational skillset of their own (i,e. nurse, teacher, hairdresser.... no homemakers or careers that require different and separate relocation of their own, ergo incompatible with mine), willing to forego a wedding/rings and sign a prenup, not have children from prior relationships, not care or seek any implied or explicit social or monetary status expectation as the impetus for wanting to hook up with me (see prenup above), oh and we must of course find each other mutually attractive and sexually compatible (aka, not marrying my proverbial sister just because she fits the above but I have no sexual attraction to her..). From my cursory passive observation of my peers in my late 20s / early 30s within the realms of those I consider sexually attractive, the older ones are single mothers almost exclusively, the younger ones are still ambivalent and unwilling to entertain the thought of having a 'wingman' role in a lifelong relationship. Most (the never married before crowd) also disavow the notion of giving up their legal stake on my material possessions and income as a condition of a union, nor do they largely consider relocation for the spouse's career as an acceptable construct. Good bad or indifferent, I consider my desires justified and reasonable, yet my audience is limited. Undateable. Are there women who've approached me positively after that spiel? Yes. Unfortunately they are women I'm not attracted to. Undateable.
My exwife was closer to what I would call the dating norm (and I wasn't happy with her physical appearance/sexual [lack of] desire, whooopsie). Uwilling to relocate, desired a wedding/ring, had monetary expectations of subsidy from me, etc etc. Didn't work out ...surprise surprise. I'm not reinventing the wheel. I'm outside the dating norm...so be it.
Good bad or indifferent, I consider my desires justified and reasonable, yet my audience is limited.
Well, I think the solution for all of us is pretty easy and obvious - either find our niche audience, or change our desires, or accept the fact there is no desirable audience.
I'm a female and consider myself out of the dating norm by your standards lol. I have a sucky retail job. The pay is okay in the fact that I could live on my own, but nobody will even rent to me because my income doesn't meet their limit.
I would love to live in a camper and just travel from place to place working. What's funny is I used to have a stable job (the pay wasn't much better though) and I quit thinking it was holding me down. The job I have now, hahaha is TRULY holding me down...
Maybe someday I'll be doing what I want to do and can live the way I want to live (I don't HAVE to live in a camper, I'd be happy if I could just travel a lot). I am not seeing anybody because I don't see the point in seeing anybody when I don't want to stay in my location (and by golly I will get out of here someday dammit).
Everyone has their favorite lifestyle, but 30 years old, should have some of their own things! !
I don't want things, and am happier without stuff. Phil pretty much summed up the reasons why, but you couldn't imagine how freeing it is not to have to drag all of your crap around everywhere.
Great topic and thread! Thanks! I am plainly outside the "norm." I have always been sort of a misfit and weirdo...Thank goodness I found someone who liked me and understood my "weird ways." We were married for 24 years but he just passed away a few months ago so I am "alone again."...I'm not ready to go on dates right now...or ever. But it's plain to see that I am definitely way way "outside the norm." I'm not exactly a typical 62 year old woman...I don't hang out at the senior center...I'm an "old hippie from way back when" with long hair and a different set of values than most people my age...Anyway thanks for starting this thread and thanks for all of the interesting posts!
I'm a Christian who strayed off the path for a few years but I am back. Not a bible thumper, but a devote christian looking for someone with similar religious beliefs. That alone sets me apart from the herd.
Well... I'm 6'1, have tattoos (I'm not talking a cute little star on my ankle... I have a full sleeve), a great, well paying job, I live on my own and I fly planes for a hobby. I'm also a big nerd who likes reading fantasy novels and studies physics for 'fun'.
So far, none of that has worked to my advantage in the dating scene
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