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Hello. We are both 24 years old. I am currently wrapping up my degree in Business and will be graduating with a B.S. in it in May. I am looking to get out of this small new england state and move to a warmer climate. I have my eyes on Dallas. I think the first thing out of my mouth when I first met my gf was "in two years, I'm moving". She was all for it. Time went on and we got closer. Fast forward to now, with roughly 8 months left until the "big move" and she is very excited for it. We are pretty much opposites, and although we get along fine, in the comfort of our own home, there are a few things that bother me.
She is very very very excited about the move (I can't stress that point enough). Somehow, though, we skip the whole "getting a job, finding a place hurtle" and are living comfortably and enjoying the night life that Dallas has to offer. Usually once a week I scan the job-search websites to find jobs I'm interested in. I've been networking and have make appointments with my career counselor. I've also peaked at apartments and made a post regarding Dallas on here. Yes, I am excited about the night life, the pools, the new food, the warm weather and all that fun stuff as well, but there is work to be done first. I've tried to stress to her that it's not going to be easy, but she kinda shrugs that part off, as if we'll both instantly get jobs. Yes, there are more jobs down there then here, but it will be hard.
As I finish up my degree, she "only" has a high school diploma. She hated school and never paid attention. "What will I need to use this for" sorta attitude. She's unable to spell basic words or do simple math. Nothing against her, but she seems to think that "its all the same". Degree, no degree everything works out in the end. She has had it lucky up to now, being able to work M-F, every holiday off getting paid above $10. Because of that, she's not going to settle for a job that is less than that in Dallas. M-F, above $10 an hour, no paper work involved and no customer interaction... good luck with that I polity say to her.
Finally, she is VERY attached to her parents and the rest of her family. Everyone is worried about that (including myself). Her own sister pretty much told her that she won't make it being so far away from her family. I love her, but I don't want to see her get homesick. All of her family lives on the same road and see each other daily (almost everyday, for the day even!). Hugs and kisses are done each morning as she stops at her grandmothers and then aunt and uncles to say good bye for the day (remember she's 24). Its nice that she is so close to her family, but when chatting with grandma makes you late for work, its not helpful. She relies on her mother for everything. Have an issue with her cellphone bill or unsure what the little light on the dash means of her car? Well, mommy will take care of that. If I had a dime for each time I heard "I'll have mom do it", or "let's ask mom...."
Part of me wants to "try it out", and see how she does being so far away. I'm thinking it might be good for her to be less reliant on her family, and if mommy isn't around then... Is it fair of me to even bring her to Dallas if I am not sure how it'll go? Life works in a funny way, so who knows, she could get a great job and I could be the one SOL.
Not so sure how she'll do on the job hunt. Will she even bother? About a month ago, I found a job for her. I told her that it won't hurt to go in to interview for it because practice never hurts. E-mail, resume, cover letter were all foreign objects to her, so I created one of each for her. We practiced a few interview questions. The one about "why you want the job" stumps her.. "I mean, would I need the money!" she would always say. I tried my best to explain to her that not everyone applies for a job just for the money. There are people that want to work at XYZ company because they like the company and enjoy working in Marketing/Finance/Cleaning toilets etc. She got the interview and "totally bombed it" (her words)...wait actually her real words were "I really f*ked up". As it turns out, she was not offered the job. She was puzzled, she was asking me why she didn't get the job "I had the availability and was willing to do whatever they wanted." I tried my best to tell her that just because you are free any time, that doesn't take the cake.
I'm just wondering how much I should do for her. Should I leave her to her own devises when it comes to search for jobs? I know everyone has to start somewhere but at 24, and not know how to use e-mail or know what a resume is? Is that normal? Should I be expected to be a bf/teacher and apply to jobs for her. Do all the leg work and then leave her to go to the interview?
Oh yeah, we're taking a trip to Dallas at the end of March to see what it's like. I fell in love with it two years ago and my uncle absolutely loves it. Comments?
Last edited by leadingedge04; 12-10-2010 at 01:19 PM..
Reason: spelling
If she's positive and wants to go for it, it could be a great learning experience for her. But if it doesn't work out, she will just drag you down on your move. Hopefully she'll get out there and learn what she needs to do to be successful, but you may have the deal with her being unemployed for a while. The economy isn't all that great right now either, and jobs aren't easy to find.
When we make decisions purely based on emotions, they can go kablooie in a snap. It’s nice how you both seem excited about taking a step to something new and all but I rather keep a balance with my emotions/feelings AAAAND reality.
I recently went to visit a friend to her country where we spent a nice time together for vacation. We like each other and express it in so many ways. We want to see each other more often and now she’s planning to fly over to spend some time with me. Had THE TALK one morning as we were enjoying a nice breakfast. We expressed how much we liked each other, cared for each other, found each other attractive, and so on. Just pouring our hearts pretty much on the table. But we both also agreed that for a good relationship to succeed you need a good foundation, a friendship that sees each other go through good and bad, etc. And just calling each other often during the week, write each other, visit each other every couple of months, etc. would not be enough. If we based our friendship just on feeling she would be getting ready to move over to my country or wherever I am living at the moment or I could move to her country but it wouldn’t be the smartest move considering we would have to start from scratch since her studies are not valid in another country, same thing with me. Rather have a balance between our feelings and reality.
Make sure you have the pieces of the puzzle together, or at least most of them, before thinking of doing something that big.
You sound very concerned that she relies heavily on her family when she doesn't know how to do something - and you should be. But for you to make her resume, cover letter, applications, ect., you are just taking over those duties.
I'm sorry - but I'm 24 and while I do have a college education, a high school degree would have left me far more advanced than your gf. I am somewhat flabbergasted that she is so technologically challenged and unaware of how the real world works.
Honestly, my impression is that she might last a few months in Dallas but she will eventually run home to mommy. She definitely needs to learn to be on her own and grow up and do things for herself - but do you want to be the one to oversee that? I imagine that if you go to Dallas with her and show her some tough love (making her make it on her own) she will resent you and think you are being mean.
If you want to go to Dallas - don't hold yourself back on her account. However, you are correct in thinking that you need to find jobs, apt, ect first. Whatever you do, make sure you make your plans with the mindset that you need to be able to support yourself (i.e. don't plan on splitting the rent for a year if she may only make it a few months)
I think she is still in the dreaming stage. I would suggest you go ahead with your plans, but do not spoon feed her! If she really wants to move, she'll show some gumption and start looking for a job. Right now she's floating on your energy and enthusiasm.
I would plainly state how much you think she'll need to contribute to the move itself, how much will be needed monthly and listen closely what she has to say. You'll need a first & security deposit on any rental, plus utility deposits, money for food & gas and a little extra in case of emergencies.
My guess is when she is forced to really think about the realities of the move itself as well as moving away from a close family situation, I think she'll decide to stay home, where she's comfortable and doesn't have to face up to being an adult.
Thank You for your replies! She got a little defensive the other day when one of my family members commented to her "well, you might just have to settle for anything, without a college degree". That seemed to spark a fire in her and she did a minute or two of job searching, but from what I can see it didn't amount to much. I can see her family telling me that it might be a good idea if we were to move down with her unemployed and she can just find a job down there.. yeah, how long will that be?
I can't quite figure out you intense concern for her..Are you regretting being with her or what?? She's a grown adult, don't fret over what SHE will do...concentrate more on what YOU will do. Don't spoil her fun with your insecurities . You seem to have very little faith in her, I think you should get off her back and be a more supportive boyfriend , instead of prejudging her on things that she MIGHT , or MIGHT NOT do. Enjoy your relationship, relax, be loving istead of critical....maybe it'll all work out.
What an old post! Love it. Here is an update-
We visited Dallas as planned in March 2011. She HATED it. You know, because they don't have basements. I went along with the move by myself, and have found someone else (more compatible). I LOVE Dallas. Last I heard, she is still with her parents, doing the same old routine.
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What an old post! Love it. Here is an update-
We visited Dallas as planned in March 2011. She HATED it. You know, because they don't have basements. I went along with the move by myself, and have found someone else (more compatible). I LOVE Dallas. Last I heard, she is still with her parents, doing the same old routine.
This is what I expected, reading your OP today. It's easy to be in love with someone when the going is easy, and everything's in place. When life gets challenging, that's when the rubber hits the road, so to speak. Even if she loved Dallas, it wouldn't have worked out, OP. Hopefully your new gf is better-prepared to deal with life, and, you know--has job skills, and stuff. Seriously, OP, I can't help but ask, "What were you thinking?!" But that was then, this is now, and it's good to know it all worked out in the end. Thanks for the update.
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Seriously, OP, I can't help but ask, "What were you thinking?!" But that was then, this is now, and it's good to know it all worked out in the end. Thanks for the update.
