Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, it's always an issue if you plan on having any sort of relations with women unless they don't mind spending time with you at their places only... I'd never be comfortable spending any time at a guy's place if he lives with a roommate and spending the night is totally out of the question. Of course, younger people may have more relaxed attitudes as the scenario is more common and acceptable in their circles, but the last time I was willing to go for that was in college.
Did you feel uncomfortable sleeping and showering in a place where a a guy (the roommate) was a stranger?
That is odd. One can get a couch free or really cheap if they had to.
On the other extreme, someone could be living in a nice big house that they hadn't paid the mortgage on for a year, with a big flat screen with extended cable.
You can't judge a persons financial picture by their possessions alone. Many people in a financial mess have a lot of material things. And the opposite can be true.
I think the ladies issue was that she didn't make her apartment a home.
Things that show my man, things that show. I'm in the business to know stuff like that. BMW, Lexus, Mercedes and a cozy house on the hill in sub #1. Trouble is they don't pay their bill and you are fixin their "other" sh** that should have been junked 20 years ago. A place means little to nothing in the eyes of the "experienced"!
I must admit that when I met a woman on an online dating site and finally saw her apartment that I did have some concerns. She was in her 50's but was still living in a tiny apartment that didn't even have a couch or a television set. I had the feeling that she was just scraping by from week to week and she pretty much confirmed that by her descriptions of her situation. She had a college degree but still had a low paying job and we both live in a city that's relatively inexpensive compared to the rest of the country. In any case I guess it would depend on the situation and I do realize that a great many people have fallen on hard times as the economy has been doing poorly but to be honest it made me wonder why a woman of her age had fared so badly when she had lived through the period of time when the economy was great and hadn't benefited from it at all. It did cause me to make a judgement of her and I didn't call her after that. I actually feel kind of bad about it because she seemed like a nice person but my instincts were telling me that I would have an economic basket case on my hands.
I had a similar experience. He was 41, had a decent job. Nothing to brag about, but solid work that should cover reasonable expenses and still allow you to go to the movies, dinner etc from time to time. Well he was living with much younger roommates, sleeping on a futon. I didn't totally discount him over it; while I do live alone, I live in a much, much lower-rent lower-amenities area.So maybe there was a purpose to his choice... long story short, he turned out to be a gambling addict. That's why he didn't have any damn money and was living like a college student.
As for the OP, if it's obviously a transitional place (or if you are young) it won't be a problem. "I just moved here a week ago, and am staying here while I figure out where I'm going live" is a normal thing to do.
Did you feel uncomfortable sleeping and showering in a place where a a guy (the roommate) was a stranger?
Sure. I'd feel uncomfortable with any other person living in the place. Back then we were all poor students and living with roommates was common. On the other hand, an unmarried couple living together was uncommon, so you did what you had to do...
So I checked the IP address of one of the people I emailed about a shared living situation. They explained that they were in the UK for work often and need someone to watch the place. They were going to email photos and an application after I drove by to approve the outside. BS Alert!!!
The IP was from Nigeria. Crappy apartment by myself, here I come! Yep, that's why it will take time to find a place.
So I checked the IP address of one of the people I emailed about a shared living situation. They explained that they were in the UK for work often and need someone to watch the place. They were going to email photos and an application after I drove by to approve the outside. BS Alert!!!
The IP was from Nigeria. Crappy apartment by myself, here I come! Yep, that's why it will take time to find a place.
Certainly a normal thing to do in NYC. Unless you have hired a respected, high-priced real estate agent to find an apartment for you, there are too many scam artists out there trying to take your money. And also, dishonest real estate listings means it's often prudent to find something temporary so you can take a little bit of time to select the right place for you.
shoot, san francisco? good for you!
i think you should judge the women you date on the basis of how they will judge your crappy apartment. little turnabout there. i used to PREFER men (actually, still do) who drove older, beat up cars with primer on em, or ones that had a rumble to em. given a choice, and i had the choice, between a guy driving an old 40's pickup with no paint job and a guy driving a new convertible, i will choose the guy in the pickup, because i have found that guys with cars with soul generally have more soul themselves.
if some wench doesn't understand that you are trying to build up a life in a new city, then screw her. as long as you keep your apartment clean and make it homey, burn some incense and have some warm bev (tea or coffee or even better IRISH COFFEE- fights that city fog!) for em then if she isn't charmed, dump her.
a friend told me once that she knew if she was really in love if she could imagine living in a cardboard box on a street corner with the guy she was dating. if she couldn't, she stopped dating him. good advice from a good woman.
shoot, san francisco? good for you!
i think you should judge the women you date on the basis of how they will judge your crappy apartment. little turnabout there. i used to PREFER men (actually, still do) who drove older, beat up cars with primer on em, or ones that had a rumble to em. given a choice, and i had the choice, between a guy driving an old 40's pickup with no paint job and a guy driving a new convertible, i will choose the guy in the pickup, because i have found that guys with cars with soul generally have more soul themselves.
if some wench doesn't understand that you are trying to build up a life in a new city, then screw her. as long as you keep your apartment clean and make it homey, burn some incense and have some warm bev (tea or coffee or even better IRISH COFFEE- fights that city fog!) for em then if she isn't charmed, dump her.
a friend told me once that she knew if she was really in love if she could imagine living in a cardboard box on a street corner with the guy she was dating. if she couldn't, she stopped dating him. good advice from a good woman.
I'll aim a little higher than a cardboard box. But I get your point. There will be rough patches in life that will be unexpected and if you are with the right person you can still be happy.
So my conclusion on the matter is that it's a question of why the person is living frugally. Are they spending all their money on crack or gambling it away? Or are they saving for the future, going back to school or investing it? Big difference between the two. Also, even if your place is very basic, it can be kept clean and comfortable.
I'll aim a little higher than a cardboard box. But I get your point. There will be rough patches in life that will be unexpected and if you are with the right person you can still be happy.
So my conclusion on the matter is that it's a question of why the person is living frugally. Are they spending all their money on crack or gambling it away? Or are they saving for the future, going back to school or investing it? Big difference between the two. Also, even if your place is very basic, it can be kept clean and comfortable.
yup. i have lived in a bus, my van, and the tiniest airstream trailer known to man. and i kept them spotless and had tiny little postage stamp sized curtains. it was like a doll's house. i didn't care what anyone thought but everyone who saw it loved it and thought it was charming. it isn't what you got, its what you DO with it that counts. even if you live in a tenement slum, you can make a place look wonderful and charming if you are smart.
I appreciate frugality and wise spending, so I'd give a guy a chance, but I'm not one to romanticize living like a bum, either.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
