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I think I've heard that Asperger's syndrome-like traits are on a continuum, that normal people could have to a certain extent -- just that when they are developed to an extreme they start to cause impairments in lifestyle (it's been argued some mental problems are like this).
I read this thread and it just confirms my belief that, with all the treatments, therapies and pills available to us, you can't fix stupid.
I agree that there is a lot of money is pharmaceuticals and that people are quick to make excuses (diagnoses) for bad behavior. But that doesn't mean that real learning/behavioral disorders don't exist. They absolutely do.
- No two Aspies are the same. While they are high functioning, their strengths and weaknesses vary.
- They are not all cold and unfeeling.
- They can be awkward socially, but they don't all have "trouble", like they can't get along with people.
- My son is not on and has never been prescribed medication. None of the Aspies I have met have been either.
- They are not all behaviorally uncontrollable.
- They are not ALL THE SAME.
So, to answer the OP, there are some I could be with, some I couldn't.
I do believe that many parents infantilize them, limiting their potential. I think parenting is a HUGE contributor to their challenges.
Another problem is that people tend to fear it, like it is something to be ashamed or feel sorry for. "I don't socialize a lot, that doesn't make me autistic.", "Lots of kids get frustrated, why does it mean she is autistic?", "So, he is slow in Math, lots of kids are.". Parents listen to this ignorance and they don't get the help they need for their kids.
It was frustrating to me and this was back when Aspergers wasn't even a consideration. He didn't qualify for any one program in school because he was all over the map. It was evident he had real challenges. So, to have people dismiss them on one end and over-diagnose him on the other was infuriating. Listening to people who think they know what it is all about is just as annoying. And this is nothing new on City Data.
I read this thread and it just confirms my belief that, with all the treatments, therapies and pills available to us, you can't fix stupid.
I agree that there is a lot of money is pharmaceuticals and that people are quick to make excuses (diagnoses) for bad behavior. But that doesn't mean that real learning/behavioral disorders don't exist. They absolutely do.
- No two Aspies are the same. While they are high functioning, their strengths and weaknesses vary.
- They are not all cold and unfeeling.
- They can be awkward socially, but they don't all have "trouble", like they can't get along with people.
- My son is not on and has never been prescribed medication. None of the Aspies I have met have been either.
- They are not all behaviorally uncontrollable.
- They are not ALL THE SAME.
So, to answer the OP, there are some I could be with, some I couldn't.
I do believe that many parents infantilize them, limiting their potential. I think parenting is a HUGE contributor to their challenges.
Another problem is that people tend to fear it, like it is something to be ashamed or feel sorry for. "I don't socialize a lot, that doesn't make me autistic.", "Lots of kids get frustrated, why does it mean she is autistic?", "So, he is slow in Math, lots of kids are.". Parents listen to this ignorance and they don't get the help they need for their kids.
It was frustrating to me and this was back when Aspergers wasn't even a consideration. He didn't qualify for any one program in school because he was all over the map. It was evident he had real challenges. So, to have people dismiss them on one end and over-diagnose him on the other was infuriating. Listening to people who think they know what it is all about is just as annoying. And this is nothing new on City Data.
Thank you! I'm going to assume your first statement wasn't a backhanded insult towards me or an indication that I'm stupid. Not to brag, but I scored a 135 last time I took an IQ test. I'm an Iraq War Veteran, and I know how to take care of myself. I know someone earlier said, "So what!" when I said I know how to drive a stick shift, tie a double windsor knot, and use chopsticks. The point I was making is I can do just about anything. I have a Bachelor's Degree and a good job finally. It took steadfast determination to find one in this economy, but I achieved it. I also know how to socialize, but I'm not my older brother. He can light up the room wherever he goes. He's also an egocentric jerk who always has to be the center of attention, and I'm not like that. I've also had a steady relationship before, but that was a long time ago.
[quote=daugenstine;17652697] Thank you! I'm going to assume your first statement wasn't a backhanded insult towards me or an indication that I'm stupid. [/quote]
Absolutely not. You are obviously intelligent and reasonable. "Stupid" is a word I reserve for the hopeless, spam of the earth.
Quote:
Not to brag, but I scored a 135 last time I took an IQ test. I'm an Iraq War Veteran, and I know how to take care of myself. I know someone earlier said, "So what!" when I said I know how to drive a stick shift, tie a double windsor knot, and use chopsticks. The point I was making is I can do just about anything. I have a Bachelor's Degree and a good job finally. It took steadfast determination to find one in this economy, but I achieved it. I also know how to socialize, but I'm not my older brother. He can light up the room wherever he goes. He's also an egocentric jerk who always has to be the center of attention, and I'm not like that. I've also had a steady relationship before, but that was a long time ago.
I'm not surprised at all. People with Aspergers are often bright and self-sufficient. It's not a matter of whether or not they can learn, but how they learn. My son has also been to Iraq and is a college student. He lives on his own. His IQ isn't as high, he needs a lot of reminding and has to work harder than the average bear, but he works hard at it and is doing well.
I have talked to him about joining an Aspergers support group. It is difficult for him to date. He has lots of friends and they all love him, but he's just not having a lot of luck in the romance department.
Thank you! I'm going to assume your first statement wasn't a backhanded insult towards me or an indication that I'm stupid. [/quote]
Absolutely not. You are obviously intelligent and reasonable. "Stupid" is a word I reserve for the hopeless, spam of the earth.
I'm not surprised at all. People with Aspergers are often bright and self-sufficient. It's not a matter of whether or not they can learn, but how they learn. My son has also been to Iraq and is a college student. He lives on his own. His IQ isn't as high, he needs a lot of reminding and has to work harder than the average bear, but he works hard at it and is doing well.
I have talked to him about joining an Aspergers support group. It is difficult for him to date. He has lots of friends and they all love him, but he's just not having a lot of luck in the romance department.
Do you really want to know what I have a hard time understanding? I hope you aren't offended, but I have a hard time getting my head around why I always hear women say they want nice intelligent men that treat them well, but then they go after the bad boys with no respect for anything because they mistake their arrogance for confidence. Then they get knocked up by the bad boys and sit around going after getting duped and wondering why most men won't want to date single moms. Then they expect the nice guys to come rescue them from despair because they know they're more likely to settle for being second stringers. Those are the kinds of women I usually attract.
It's very hard to find a single childless woman in my age range. I'm not crazy about kids and part of the reason is because of what I just mentioned. Also, I don't like the crying, screaming, whining, teething, fussing, and all the other nasty habits that come with early childhood development. Meanwhile, I'm supposed to feel guilty about being honest on my last thread explaining why I won't date single moms, yet none of my critics showed me the least amount of compassion towards my circumstance in return. Then there are dames like my older sister who's 40 and dense as a door. She still loves bad boys and goes from one dysfunctional guy to another. I keep wondering how many sticks of dynamite I have to set off in her ears before her head clears up. If a man with Asperger's can figure this out; women are naturally better at reading men; and she's a neurotypical, why does she have such a hard time getting it through her thick head.
"Do you really want to know what I have a hard time understanding? I hope you aren't offended, but I have a hard time getting my head around why I always hear women say they want nice intelligent men that treat them well, but then they go after the bad boys with no respect for anything because they mistake their arrogance for confidence. Then they get knocked up by the bad boys and sit around going after getting duped and wondering why most men won't want to date single moms. Then they expect the nice guys to come rescue them from despair because they know they're more likely to settle for being second stringers. Those are the kinds of women I usually attract. "
Well, they certainly do exist, I was one of them. Really, don't waste neurons trying to figure them out. What you should do is think about why it is you are attracting them. Something has to change on your end - your social circle, the places you go, the people you gravitate toward.
"It's very hard to find a single childless woman in my age range. I'm not crazy about kids and part of the reason is because of what I just mentioned. Also, I don't like the crying, screaming, whining, teething, fussing, and all the other nasty habits that come with early childhood development. "
You have the right to not date them. There are plenty of childless single women out there. The women you describe don't sound like they have a lot going for them. Again, you may need to make some changes in your lifestyle.
"Meanwhile, I'm supposed to feel guilty about being honest on my last thread explaining why I won't date single moms, yet none of my critics showed me the least amount of compassion towards my circumstance in return. "
You're not "supposed" to feel anything but what YOU feel is best for you. Forget the people here, they are not living your life for you and they won't be there to pick you up if you follow their judgment and it doesn't work out. If they have no compassion, screw 'em. There are plenty of people who do.
"Then there are dames like my older sister who's 40 and dense as a door. She still loves bad boys and goes from one dysfunctional guy to another. I keep wondering how many sticks of dynamite I have to set off in her ears before her head clears up."
It's not up to you to decide when she should have enough. It is really up to her. She may or may not get there, but she is the one who has to make that decision. I'm sure it is frustrating, but you have to let that be her deal.
"If a man with Asperger's can figure this out; women are naturally better at reading men; and she's a neurotypical, why does she have such a hard time getting it through her thick head."
It has nothing to do with smarts or being neurotypical, or how women can read men. Not all men are easy to read and not all women can read them. Emotions and smarts do not always go hand in hand. There are a gajillion stories out there about the outrageous things people do in the name of love. There are various explanations for what she is doing. And she may be aware of how toxic her choices are, but doesn't quite know how to break the pattern. You just have to accept that these are her choices to make, and you are free to pull away if it impacts your life in a negative way.
Thank you! I'm going to assume your first statement wasn't a backhanded insult towards me or an indication that I'm stupid. Not to brag, but I scored a 135 last time I took an IQ test. I'm an Iraq War Veteran, and I know how to take care of myself. I know someone earlier said, "So what!" when I said I know how to drive a stick shift, tie a double windsor knot, and use chopsticks. The point I was making is I can do just about anything. I have a Bachelor's Degree and a good job finally. It took steadfast determination to find one in this economy, but I achieved it. I also know how to socialize, but I'm not my older brother. He can light up the room wherever he goes. He's also an egocentric jerk who always has to be the center of attention, and I'm not like that. I've also had a steady relationship before, but that was a long time ago.
My IQ is 115 , Dating NT's is quite common. I know alot of aspies who are married or dating NT's.... There relationships are slow and simple but seem to work. As for Me , i'm not dating.....nothing good ever comes out of it.......and i'm more happy alone. Although i do have a decent amount of friends...
why don't "Aspies" simply cut their losses and don't date? Is there a reason they should?
I know you think we should all be exterminated from the gene pool and become guinea pigs because you feel we have no reason to exist, but we have just as much right to date as anyone else. We'll cut our losses and not date the day these stupid twits stop falling in love with bad boys and the day single mothers stop dating and expecting men to come second behind the child or become the new baby daddies because they screwed up the first time with the bad boys thinking their magic vaginas would transform them into righteous men with integrity like in Beauty and the Beast. We'll stop dating people like quit pretending they're experts when they have no earthly clue.
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