How do you treat someone who wants to take things slow (dating, women)

[sincere1782]

How do you treat someone that you are very interested in, but they want to take things slow with you?
A little background information is that I've dated this person in the past and we went our seperate ways because of college, now it has been 10 years and we have found each other and although my feelings have not changed for him, he has been through so much he doesn't trust women and so he wants to take things slow.
So Should I suppress my feelings and be nonchalant with him, show him and tell him how much I care about him and try to gain his trust and hope that over time he will want more or just not be friends with him at all because I obviously want more?
I do understand that taking time with someone is not always a bad thing and I am trying to be understanding, but i don't want to be waiting in the wings while he dates around looking for the next best thing.

[Amelorn]

Hmm. In his eyes, he is not taking things slowly so much as shielding himself. Also, you desiring more probably is not as obvious to him as it may seem.

[sierraAZ]

"Taking things slow" when it comes to men means only one thing - he's not that into you. Men do not think with their upper heads when they're really into someone and forget all past experiences momentarily.

[nighthouse66]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

"Taking things slow" when it comes to men means only one thing - he's not that into you. Men do not think with their upper heads when they're really into someone and forget all past experiences momentarily.

i disagree. not always. maybe he just means........take it slow. period. cue bob dylan's "just like a woman"..........don't complicate things!

[h886]

I'm confused about what your status with this guy actually is. You say he wants to take things slow but then you talk about not wanting him to know that you want more than friendship.

Personally, I think this sort of thing is dangerous. Either he wants a relationship or he doesn't. Either he wants to date you again or he doesn't. He's dated you before, albeit 10 years ago. He knows what he's getting, at least to some extent. You could waste years this way, hoping. You could pin all your hopes on this guy and he could decide he wants to date someone else. I think a false friendship is always a dangerous prospect. Your real objective is a romance, not a friendship. You don't know what he wants. If you want to pursue this, I would both set a time limit (i.e. how long you'll give him before you'll move on and look for other guys) and also be frank with him. Ask if he would want a relationship again with you. Ask if he sees himself dating anyone seriously in the near future. If he can't answer, I would seriously reconsider this. You could waste years on this guy.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by nighthouse66

i disagree. not always. maybe he just means........take it slow. period. cue bob dylan's "just like a woman"..........don't complicate things!

Maybe we should start a thread asking men flat out what they think. This one certainly made the "friendships" quite clear:

Guys, what would make you put a woman in the "friend zone"

[h886]

Right, my gut feeling is that she's going to waste good time on this guy. IF a guy is ready and wants to date a woman seriously, he'll date her. If he's giving excuses for whatever reason, the woman needs to take the hint and back off. If at some point he becomes ready/available/wanting, he'll let her know. If he isn't pursuing, waiting around in the wings isn't going to change anything.

[sincere1782]

Well, the thing was he called me out of the blue saying how he has changed and is ready to settle down and be serious with someone, but wants to take things slow instead of rush like he did in the past. We talked and picked up where we left off but as time continued forward i started seeing signs and he began saying things that conflicted with what he initially told me in the beginning.
For example now he's saying he's confused he wants both the single life and to be in a relationship because he likes having someone to come home to but he doesn't like having to answer to anyone. Then if i say well we are not in a relationship so why are you getting upset if i don't answer the phone then we will say something like, " well dang is that what you want then we can be in a relationship then." He wants to sexually have something more with me but not commit. And lastly he mostly wants to talk about things he can do to me sexually or what not but, honestly he is not very good in that department. He's very nice and funny and calls me all the time, he seems very interested but is holding back for one reason or another.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by h886

IF a guy is ready and wants to date a woman seriously, he'll date her.

Yep, that's all there is to it.

[Nite Ryder]

Originally Posted by sincere1782

How do you treat someone that you are very interested in, but they want to take things slow with you?
A little background information is that I've dated this person in the past and we went our seperate ways because of college, now it has been 10 years and we have found each other and although my feelings have not changed for him, he has been through so much he doesn't trust women and so he wants to take things slow.
So Should I suppress my feelings and be nonchalant with him, show him and tell him how much I care about him and try to gain his trust and hope that over time he will want more or just not be friends with him at all because I obviously want more?
I do understand that taking time with someone is not always a bad thing and I am trying to be understanding, but i don't want to be waiting in the wings while he dates around looking for the next best thing.

Are you for real? Why would you even think "not be friends with him at all"? Damn, if I live to be one hundred I guess I will never understand women's thought process, or lack there of... Why all the haste? Maybe you can speed things up and chase him away forever...