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While reading another thread, I thought of my girlfriend who is smothering...but we've been friends for a long long time...and so many times I used to try and explain to her, that men, put in a long day at work, and when they come home and walk thru that door and ask, "How was your day?"
the last thing they want to hear is a bunch of whining and complaints and all the woes of the day or complaints about the kids.
So, what did you do, or could you do differently for your mate.
I'll start....
Once, I left a note in my husbands lunch box, that said,
"Honey, please go home and shower and change and meet me at such and such a place for dinner". It was a Friday night....I had made reservations at a romantic Italian Rest. for dinner....and, booked a motel for the night with a jacuzzi in the room. Had a bottle of champaign, glasses...and snacks in a cooler. Needless to say, we had a great time....
Another time, I packed a basket lunch and left a note in his lunch box which said, meet me at the park for lunch...
Booked a weekend at the Beach, his and my favorite place....
Would love to buy him clothes....and gave him a gift certificate to his favorite sports shop...in his lunch box....
Once one of his co-workers came to our home and said, he had the best boxed lunches in the whole place.....would love to make the effort to cook him hot meals, then pack them so he could warm them up...like veal marsella with pasta....etc. He was going to school 3 nights a week and I tried to make an effort to surprise him to help relieve him of the stress of doing so.
Another time, I purchased two ticket for the Flyers game and said, take a friend.
Anoter time, I met him at the door, wrapped in saran wrap and high heels...and I'd love to have a manhattan, his favorite drink waiting for him when he came thru the door.
Of course, this was on a Friday night, when my son was with his father for the weekend.
Wow, I might get to be the first one to respond to your thread creme. Your post was excellent, but I gotta spread reps around it says. But, I can sure see what your post is all about. With my fiance and I, it seems that I do more of these little unexpected things than she does. sometimes its not really alot, I guess. But when I stay overnight at her house, and she cooks us a meal, I always tell her to leave the dishes if its getting late, or if we plan to go out somewhere. I always get up before she does anyway, of a morning. I will have my coffee, wash the dishes, and clean the counters etc. And I usually try to have a little small card to leave somewhere for her to find later, after I've left. Sometimes I might send her some flowers unexpected (just because). When we're together, I open her car door for her, and if its cold, I always warm her car up for her. I send cards thru the mail, just to brighten her day. I usually take her van, and put her gas in for her. Theres more, but I think I treat her pretty good. Its been four years now, and she still plans to marry me anyway. I guess I'm doing SOMETHING right!
Wow, I might get to be the first one to respond to your thread creme. Your post was excellent, but I gotta spread reps around it says. But, I can sure see what your post is all about. With my fiance and I, it seems that I do more of these little unexpected things than she does. sometimes its not really alot, I guess. But when I stay overnight at her house, and she cooks us a meal, I always tell her to leave the dishes if its getting late, or if we plan to go out somewhere. I always get up before she does anyway, of a morning. I will have my coffee, wash the dishes, and clean the counters etc. And I usually try to have a little small card to leave somewhere for her to find later, after I've left. Sometimes I might send her some flowers unexpected (just because). When we're together, I open her car door for her, and if its cold, I always warm her car up for her. I send cards thru the mail, just to brighten her day. I usually take her van, and put her gas in for her. Theres more, but I think I treat her pretty good. Its been four years now, and she still plans to marry me anyway. I guess I'm doing SOMETHING right!
All very wonderful things, Dennis! You're a good guy!!!
Wow, I might get to be the first one to respond to your thread creme. Your post was excellent, but I gotta spread reps around it says. But, I can sure see what your post is all about. With my fiance and I, it seems that I do more of these little unexpected things than she does. sometimes its not really alot, I guess. But when I stay overnight at her house, and she cooks us a meal, I always tell her to leave the dishes if its getting late, or if we plan to go out somewhere. I always get up before she does anyway, of a morning. I will have my coffee, wash the dishes, and clean the counters etc. And I usually try to have a little small card to leave somewhere for her to find later, after I've left. Sometimes I might send her some flowers unexpected (just because). When we're together, I open her car door for her, and if its cold, I always warm her car up for her. I send cards thru the mail, just to brighten her day. I usually take her van, and put her gas in for her. Theres more, but I think I treat her pretty good. Its been four years now, and she still plans to marry me anyway. I guess I'm doing SOMETHING right!
Dennis, Hiya, great post...
it makes me feel so good when I can surprise someone, or give them a gift, and even better yet, when people give me things....like call me up just to say they were thinking of me....(and don't put me on hold to take another call, unless they say, I might have to go, b/c I'm waiting for an important call) or they give me gifts or take me to lunch....
Dennis, one suggestion and I'm only saying this b/c it was done for me and I loved it....
When you open the car door for her....extend your hand to her, to help balance her when she gets out of the car....wow, I love that....I don't know, it's just special to me...and also, when your together and you see her purse is falling off her arm....take the purse and position it back on her shoulder....that...leaves a lasting impression....and means so much....
your a very generous man....and it's so nice to have someone like that who doesn't expect everything to be done for him...
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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Creme, I have to admit, I must have picked the wrong man, because none of the nice things you did for your SO would have carried any weight with mine.
How did I treat him? Hmmmm....let me count the ways.
I found a late shift job so that we didn't have to waste money on childcare; money saved went to his race car.
I worked 16 hr days for three years so that he could spend the money on his race car.
I wore the same bra and had no curtains in our house because that would be wasted spending; money that could be spent on his race car.
I did all the cooking, cleaning, child care, grocery shopping, bill paying and slept five hours or less a day, so that I could pick up race car graphics, shock absorbers, or any number of expensive parts for his race car.
I let him go with his buddies anytime he wanted.
When he refused to get out of bed, many times, I'm the one that drove to his parents house to talk to police about their domestic fights; I'm the one that drove his step-dad to rehab twice.
I attended all company parties alone, I attended my high school reunion alone.
If he knocked over anything, spilled anything, it was left for me to clean up, even if I wasn't expected for hours.
Yes, I'd say I married the wrong man.
At the time of our divorce, he had been so consumed with himself, he didn't even know which family heirlooms were from his family and which family heirlooms were from mine.
Yep, wrong guy. Now he is someone else's wrong guy.
I find pleasure in reading that not all relationships were like mine. So Creme, kudos to you.
Ordinary things: Let him pick the restauraunt. Let him pick the movie. Let him choose not to do something that I wanted to do. Massage his feet (yuck).
The most unordinary thing: Live in a tent (required much shoveling of mud on my part) in his parent's back yard for 6 weeks with no running water, toilet, or electricity so we could be together after Katrina.
My Honey and I are always trying to do something helpful for the other every day.
Like start each other's car so it'll be warm
Have a dinner ready when he gets home
have wood brought in for a fire
have the walk salted
sort the laundry for me
vacuum for me
give me all his full coffee punch cards
unload the dishwasher
buys me itunes gift cards randomly
makes my fav cocktail for when I get home
supports me when I am at a showing
fawns all over me in public & at his functions
Creme, ah, those were the days, before kiddos. My hubby did stuff like that before and it blew me away. When you could pick up and leave for a weekend with no strings attached. We have no stable babysitter and no family around so things like what you can do are things of the past or maybe the future. It sounds heavenly. Nonetheless, we treat each other pretty fairly. At least, he was onboard when I told him I wanted to raise our kiddos and he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders every day. So, yes, I do the house chores and even cut the lawn so when he comes home, all he hears are gleeful screams from his children. He was also going to school for the past 2 years and just finished this December, YIPPEE! During his school days, I made up a snack pack for him which he could carry in his car and eat between work and school so he could last until 10:30 pm in a class room. It sure does make for a more pleasant home environment.
Creme, I have to admit, I must have picked the wrong man, because none of the nice things you did for your SO would have carried any weight with mine.
How did I treat him? Hmmmm....let me count the ways.
I found a late shift job so that we didn't have to waste money on childcare; money saved went to his race car.
I worked 16 hr days for three years so that he could spend the money on his race car.
I wore the same bra and had no curtains in our house because that would be wasted spending; money that could be spent on his race car.
I did all the cooking, cleaning, child care, grocery shopping, bill paying and slept five hours or less a day, so that I could pick up race car graphics, shock absorbers, or any number of expensive parts for his race car.
I let him go with his buddies anytime he wanted.
When he refused to get out of bed, many times, I'm the one that drove to his parents house to talk to police about their domestic fights; I'm the one that drove his step-dad to rehab twice.
I attended all company parties alone, I attended my high school reunion alone.
If he knocked over anything, spilled anything, it was left for me to clean up, even if I wasn't expected for hours.
Yes, I'd say I married the wrong man.
At the time of our divorce, he had been so consumed with himself, he didn't even know which family heirlooms were from his family and which family heirlooms were from mine.
Yep, wrong guy. Now he is someone else's wrong guy.
I find pleasure in reading that not all relationships were like mine. So Creme, kudos to you.
well, don't feel badly hun...I married the wrong men to....but even so....loved doing things for them....and I did date a man who was really nice for awhile...but then, he turned cookie? I saw the other side of him, the angry side that spoke volumns....
Hugs to ya, you deserve better....much better...and good way to look at the outcome....
My Honey and I are always trying to do something helpful for the other every day.
Like start each other's car so it'll be warm
Have a dinner ready when he gets home
have wood brought in for a fire
have the walk salted
sort the laundry for me
vacuum for me
give me all his full coffee punch cards
unload the dishwasher
buys me itunes gift cards randomly
makes my fav cocktail for when I get home
supports me when I am at a showing
fawns all over me in public & at his functions
see, there ya go....now your talking....great way to say, I love you and respect you....and am so glad your here...
Hugs
Me
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