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It depends. Some people come from toxic families where there are so many problems that the only sane, reasonable thing to do is to get away from the people who make being around them hell. I think you really have to get to know the person before you make that sort of call, so it wouldn't be an immediate disqualifier. On the other hand, I know some crazy people who have decided to slam the door in their parents' faces for no apparent reason... the rest of the world is always out to get them and they have a hard time maintaining a lasting relationship with anyone (coworkers, friends, family) once they get to see the "real" them.
So yes, a red flag, but one that merely requires deeper investigation.
Oh, that's rich. I mean, over-the-top. You seriously believe that kind of crap? Being a parent automatically makes someone God, or perfect?
All I can say is that I hope you don't have any children, and don't plan to. I'd feel sorry for any child of yours.
No, it doesn't. But, speaking of over-the-top things, I'll tell you what's over the top: Some cockamamie story about how the parents bamboozled a court to give them custody of a grandchild even though the mother had never done anything wrong. Yep. It was nothing more than persecution, because the mother in question was obviously pure as the driven snow. The entire family court system of the State of Ohio conspired with her obviously insane parents on this one just for the hell of it. I don't know. Maybe it was Opposites Day.
Sure. Tell me another one.
Sounds like your friend is a head case who lost her daughter's custody for some pretty good reasons and strung together a whole bunch of lies, half-truths, and distortions to make herself seem sympathetic. Heck, anybody who's spent a nanosecond around an alcoholic or drug addict will encounter exactly the same shtick, namely that their problems are always somebody else's fault. Because they have to blame somebody.
And, once again, that gets back to my original point. When somebody whips up a story about what a bunch of psychos their parents are, and how awful, cruel and manipulative their mom and dad are, then it's time to really keep your eyes and ears open. Because, just like your friend, the chances are much better than it's the person who is manufacturing a bunch of nonsense, or taking the normal give and take of a parent/child relationship and spinning it into something out of Mommy Dearest. And is that the kind of person you want to be in any kind of relationship with?
No, it doesn't. But, speaking of over-the-top things, I'll tell you what's over the top: Some cockamamie story about how the parents bamboozled a court to give them custody of a grandchild even though the mother had never done anything wrong. Yep. It was nothing more than persecution, because the mother in question was obviously pure as the driven snow. The entire family court system of the State of Ohio conspired with her obviously insane parents on this one just for the hell of it. I don't know. Maybe it was Opposites Day.
Sure. Tell me another one.
Sounds like your friend is a head case who lost her daughter's custody for some pretty good reasons and strung together a whole bunch of lies, half-truths, and distortions to make herself seem sympathetic. Heck, anybody who's spent a nanosecond around an alcoholic or drug addict will encounter exactly the same shtick, namely that it's always somebody else's fault.
Sorry, dude, the only head case I can see here is you. Because that's exactly the kind of person it takes to decide you can judge everything about a person you've never met.
It depends. Some people come from toxic families where there are so many problems that the only sane, reasonable thing to do is to get away from the people who make being around them hell. I think you really have to get to know the person before you make that sort of call, so it wouldn't be an immediate disqualifier. On the other hand, I know some crazy people who have decided to slam the door in their parents' faces for no apparent reason... the rest of the world is always out to get them and they have a hard time maintaining a lasting relationship with anyone (coworkers, friends, family) once they get to see the "real" them.
So yes, a red flag, but one that merely requires deeper investigation.
Definitely.
For me, actually meeting the person from whom my SO had a history of estrangement from was very informative and helpful in gaining and maintaining perspective. Getting to know other family members has been as well.
Oh, and in case you wonder why I don't respond to you further, cpg35223: you aren't good for MY mental health (or blood pressure), so I'm placing you on Ignore.
Woohoo, my first time ever doing that on a message board. Congrats.
Sorry, dude, the only head case I can see here is you. Because that's exactly the kind of person it takes to decide you can judge everything about a person you've never met.
Sane, normal, intelligent people don't do that.
Actually, I'm quite sane. Sorry that I punched a big fat hole in your B.S. story.
Some people come from toxic families where there are so many problems that the only sane, reasonable thing to do is to get away from the people who make being around them hell. I think you really have to get to know the person before you make that sort of call, so it wouldn't be an immediate disqualifier. On the other hand, I know some crazy people who have decided to slam the door in their parents' faces for no apparent reason... the rest of the world is always out to get them and they have a hard time maintaining a lasting relationship with anyone (coworkers, friends, family) once they get to see the "real" them.
So yes, a red flag, but one that merely requires deeper investigation.
Definitely.
For me, actually meeting the person from whom my SO had a history of estrangement from was very informative and helpful in gaining and maintaining perspective. Getting to know other family members has been as well.
Bottom line is that things of this nature are really never simple, cut and dried, and one size fits all. It really depends on your feelings for the person, whether or not you want to invest in something that isn't always gonna be smooth sailing. But few relationship ARE always smooth sailing.
For me, actually meeting the person from whom my SO had a history of estrangement from was very informative and helpful in gaining and maintaining perspective. Getting to know other family members has been as well.
Bottom line is that things of this nature are really never simple, cut and dried, and one size fits all. It really depends on your feelings for the person, whether or not you want to invest in something that isn't always gonna be smooth sailing. But few relationship ARE always smooth sailing.
It's a not a red flag, but it's a big fat yellow one.
Okay, before we hear all the sob stories from various posters about how misunderstood they were by their parents, or how their moms and dads didn't buy them a pony, or blah blah blah, woof, woof, woof, let's get one fact out of the way: Almost every adolescent has a problem with his or her parents.
So big damned deal. Get over it. You're what, 30? 40? And you're still not speaking to them? Or you're sniping at them? Or you're still obsessing over what your mom or dad said to you 15-20 years back? Hey, I didn't exactly have ideal parents. But, in retrospect, I think they probably did the best they could, particularly with my father's own emotional issues.
To me, unless there was outright physical abuse or emotional cruelty (And let's define emotional cruelty using non-drama-queen criteria, please), a person who hasn't gotten over all that "I hate my parents" melodrama by the time they're 25 are too self-absorbed to be in any relationship. It means that they can't let go of whatever slight or petty thing their parents said or did while on the hamster wheel of earning a living and raising the kids, which means that the whiner most likely will start to find reasons to resent you, too.
Do yourself a favor. Forgive your parents. Just get over it, okay? Because once you're 21, you're an adult and need to deal with the world in an adult manner, not like some querulous teenager who was grounded for making a C in algebra on his report card.
Hmn...my dad called me a b*tch and said I was dead to him. I was actually willing to forgive that. Then when he saw that didn't effect me the way he wanted it to he proceeded to tell me how my children, who at the time were preschool and kinder aged, were dead to him, also. As soon as he said that the conversation ended and I haven't spoken to him in 3 years and don't plan to. Call me drama queen all you want over it. Insult me, I can get over it. Move it to innocent kids then I decide I really don't need you in my life, I don't care how much blood we share. Oh and my siblings won't talk to him either for things he's done and said to them. I guess they are drama queens and kings as well.
Hmn...my dad called me a b*tch and said I was dead to him. I was actually willing to forgive that. Then when he saw that didn't effect me the way he wanted it to he proceeded to tell me how my children, who at the time were preschool and kinder aged, were dead to him, also. As soon as he said that the conversation ended and I haven't spoken to him in 3 years and don't plan to. Call me drama queen all you want over it. Insult me, I can get over it. Move it to innocent kids then I decide I really don't need you in my life, I don't care how much blood we share. Oh and my siblings won't talk to him either for things he's done and said to them. I guess they are drama queens and kings as well.
Your father sounds mentally unstable. Sorry about that
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