Paying During the Dating Phase (boyfriend, women, single, attracted)
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IMO if its a quick date/informal- then that's fine. But if you are going to an upscale restaurant- it looks tacky. I think it depends on where you are/ restaurant etc.
If a guy asks me out for a first date- he pays. If he asked me out and then asked to go dutch while on the date- I would gladly pay- but it would be the last date.
If it's a Match.com first date (haven't done that in about a year) I like to go dutch.
If I am the intiater, I pay.
If it's a subsequent date, I offer if he has intiated. Or, If I initiated, I will pay.
If it's a relationship, it just works out- back and forth, no keeping score.
Usually, guys ALWAYS pay for me on dates and even my guy friends usually pay. I guess I just surround myself with a lot of gentlemen or something. I'm always very appreciative and many times offer to pay and they just won't let me. And with my guy friends who do it constantly, I try to spot them in other ways like buying them a beer or a shot at the bar when they're not looking.
When I had a boyfriend for 2 years, at first he always paid, and then when it got serious, he still paid for all sit down meals and I would pay for other things like take out we had delivered or buy breakfast the next morning (I got up earlier than he did). It was just our way, I think most long term couples find something that works for them.
But a couple of weeks ago I had a strange encounter. It was a second date, but the person had been sort of an aquaintence on and off for a few years. He asked me out, he talked serious about seeing me more, it was his idea to have sushi for lunch (everyone knows how much sushi costs) and he ordered two drinks while I only had one. Then when the bill came, he opens it and then goes "Do you mind if we split this?" It really caught me off guard: he is over 30, no kids, makes good money. Definately threw me for a loop. Of course, I gave him money, but I was almost offended. I know that sort of sounds bad, but I feel like if a guy is working to impress me and get to know me, being too cheap to spring for lunch isn't the best thing to do so early on, especially when it was his idea.
If he asked you out, I think it is common courtesy for him to pay, and rather tacky to ask for half at the end of lunch (esp. since you didnt have as many drinks) .
"But a couple of weeks ago I had a strange encounter. It was a second date, but the person had been sort of an aquaintence on and off for a few years. He asked me out, he talked serious about seeing me more, it was his idea to have sushi for lunch (everyone knows how much sushi costs) and he ordered two drinks while I only had one. Then when the bill came, he opens it and then goes "Do you mind if we split this?" It really caught me off guard: he is over 30, no kids, makes good money. Definately threw me for a loop. Of course, I gave him money, but I was almost offended. I know that sort of sounds bad, but I feel like if a guy is working to impress me and get to know me, being too cheap to spring for lunch isn't the best thing to do so early on, especially when it was his idea."
Makes one suspect his financial abilities, don't they make credit cards for this situation?
I am a little old fashioned and still believes the man should pay, at least for the first several dates. Yes I am learning that ladies like to show their independance too.
On Match dates, I like the Sleepless in Seattle aproach. Meet for hot chocolate to look for a spark. You can always extend the visit or request a date.
First date, I'd always pay. If she were to ask me out, then I think the proper thing to do would be for her to pay, but realistically, guys should not expect even that. Truthfully, I personally would feel weird if she were to pay for me on a first date, even if she were the one who asked me out. I would at least pony up my half. If she were insistent one way or the other (i.e. insistent on paying half when I wanted to treat her, or insisting on paying for everything since she asked me out) and it's clear that she's serious about it and any attempt at anything other than this would be an affront to her (you can generally tell), then I wouldn't really put up a fight.
After the initial first date, things get a bit trickier. Dating is expensive and I'm not exactly rolling in the dough, so I would be unlikely to continue seeing a woman if she were expecting me to always pay for everything. Generally though, as a guy, as unfair as it may be, I realize that just to get your foot in the door so to speak, you need to at least be prepared to pay for those first few dates. I don't have a specific timeframe or number in mind, but after a bit of dating, I expect things to be split or her to pay every once in awhile. Thus far, I've always dated women on the same wavelength with me where if we don't split the first date, pretty soon thereafter we do. Most women (or perhaps just most women that I'm attracted to?) have a general understanding of what is fair and makes sense and if she and I are both working and both a little tight on cash, it doesn't make much sense for one person to bear the burden.
Once settled into the comfortable confines of a relationship, in every relationship I've ever been in, we've split paying. Not in the sense of asking for two separate bills or of staring at the bill and divying up the exact amount each of us owes, but more in the sense that I'll pay once, then she pays the next time. Everything sort of evens out.
I will always go on the assumption that I pay for my date, BUT.... a girl who acts ENTITLED will find that's the last date. That means I'll find it awfully curteous if she at least offers to pay for something, whether it be coffee, a movie, the tip for dinner, or whatever... I don't expec them to split the date right down the middle money-wise, but I do look for some indication they aren't going to be "dead weight" from a money perspective going forward.
As a single woman with my own money, I still appreciate it when a man pays on the first date. It seems like good manners on his part. I don't expect it, and always carry a little cash in case we need some. In many cases I will simply ask if he would like me to help pay. Usually he will say no.
After the first date, it's nice to take turns or split the bill. Think of the situation as if you regularly went out for dinner with a friend or a group of friends. It shouldn't be awkward and rarely is.
And for the woman, you will feel less obligated to "like" him for paying for everything and can concentrate on whether you have much in common.
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