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This is a bit philosophical but I will give it a try anyway:
Your time on the path is no less valuable than time after arrival.
Now for the real world:
It is okay to have negative feelings. What you do with them is what matters. Is it possible to hang out with some single friends? Don't dump your current ones, just make new ones who are single. And if you find them in front of a TV playing video games, convince them to get out and have some fun, with or without girls.
Are you still in school? College? Have the headache now, party later. Focus on studies during school nights, party on the weekend. Sorry for that off-topic advice.
I'm speaking of that envy you feel when you see some of your friends in couple. Lately I had been able to pretty much forget about women (seems to be the best for me, since I am unable to get any dates) and have a good time. But in the last weeks a couple of friends have a girlfriend and these girls often come with the group now.
Don't get me wrong, these guys are good friends and I wish everything goes well for them. But I can't help noticing how easily they got such nice girls, and how well they are together. And it hurts. A lot, at some moments. I fear that this might be a problem on the long run, or prevent me from going out with my friends if the feeling gets worse. But I don't really know what to do about this.
So, does any of you have a similar situation? Did you find any way to feel better?
I completely understand exactly where you are coming from. Everyone seems to be in a happy and committed relationship and it's like you're standing outside in the rain looking through the window of a party you weren't invited to. You see all of your friends and you feel left out. Yes, I've been there. My suggestion would be, and I know it's hard, to focus on the things you have that they don't and be thankful.
I look at my friends often who seem to have no problem obtaining women to sleep with them, be in a relationship with them or just to achieve some level of success that I often crave. Worst of all, it seems to come easier to those individuals who really don't care about getting to know the opposite sex. The fact of it being easy for them has always confused me.
I personally am somewhat picky and am old-fashioned when it comes to relationships. Therefore, I need to realize that when it's right it's right and I don't want to push anything too soon. We all walk a different path in life and different things happen to different people at different times, good and bad. The maker of our world has a plan for you. You will not be left out.
crisan, I finished college 4 years ago. But that's not actually a problem: I have regularly met new women, the thing is none of them ever like me. I have no problem to leave a good impression on people, or to be funny in a group of friends. However, aside from online dating, I have never been able to make a girl like me. Not a single time in my life. Even having improved a lot and put lots of time and effort on it. So, you can understand why I would like to forget about dating. It is harder than I expected though.
It's best to be a hermit. The dating scene is atrocious: most people are flippant narcissists these days, no thanks to "culture".
Quote:
Originally Posted by carra
crisan, I finished college 4 years ago. But that's not actually a problem: I have regularly met new women, the thing is none of them ever like me. I have no problem to leave a good impression on people, or to be funny in a group of friends. However, aside from online dating, I have never been able to make a girl like me. Not a single time in my life. Even having improved a lot and put lots of time and effort on it. So, you can understand why I would like to forget about dating. It is harder than I expected though.
crisan, I finished college 4 years ago. But that's not actually a problem: I have regularly met new women, the thing is none of them ever like me. I have no problem to leave a good impression on people, or to be funny in a group of friends. However, aside from online dating, I have never been able to make a girl like me. Not a single time in my life. Even having improved a lot and put lots of time and effort on it. So, you can understand why I would like to forget about dating. It is harder than I expected though.
You can't make a girl like you no matter how much effort you put into it. I know you do not intend to sound controlling but words are important.
You can't make a girl like you no matter how much effort you put into it. I know you do not intend to sound controlling but words are important.
Oh, there are people who can: Players can, they do it by acting. Talkative people also can, they do it by keeping the conversation interesting.
But that is not what I meant in my post. I was referring to improving myself as a person, in many areas, to become more attractive. Or that is what it was supposed to happen. But it didn't, at least not enough.
Oh, there are people who can: Players can, they do it by acting. Talkative people also can, they do it by keeping the conversation interesting.
But that is not what I meant in my post. I was referring to improving myself as a person, in many areas, to become more attractive. Or that is what it was supposed to happen. But it didn't, at least not enough.
I am not going to speak for players. They can sense my attitude from one end of the shopping isle so they can't control me with their act.
Not sure how talkative people are controlling.
Finally, you improve yourself so that you can feel good about yourself.
Finally, you improve yourself so that you can feel good about yourself.
You know, sayings like this are very idealistic and people in the forums throw them away easily. No offense, but how many of you did actually go through years of an improvement process? How many did actually succeed? Because you don't seem to know where it can lead in the long run.
Yes, initially you feel better. You ARE better. But, then what? With all the effort that goes into it, and all things you actually improved, you would expect the opposite gender to at least acknowledge some of that improvement. And when they don't, the good feelings you earned start to wear out. Over time, it gets very hard because you know you did the best you can, and you are still rejected. Years of this can make you feel worthless.
In retrospect, "improve just to feel good" seems to me like just idealistic advice by people who didn't do what they preach, or who had better luck overall and think it will be the same for everyone else.
About blind dates or bringing female friends, well it could be entertaining but so far it never worked. There's something that makes me unattractive to women and I can't solve the problem because I haven't even figured out what it is. So since I never get any woman to like me I guess it's better trying to forget about dating. That's what I have been doing the last months.
If you want a girlfriend and want something long-term, I wouldn't throw the towel in. You're still young.
Do you have sisters or a female friend who could help you? You need some honest feedback about what you might be doing to turn women off. Have them evaluate your physical appearance. Yes, you should dress like who you are, but if your clothes are not flattering you, a simple change might help. Sometimes men wear the wrong size of clothes (too small AND too large) and they don't flatter their body type. If it's a grooming issue, a little more attention in the shower could be a simple fix. They should also evaluate any personality tics that might be an initial turn-off. For example, one of my friends is an "interrupter" and always butts in to try to finish people's sentences. I don't care that much in a friend, but that would drive me batty in a romantic partner. Or if you tend to tell crude jokes or make political statements that raise eyebrows, maybe hearing that feedback could help you to tone it down a little while conversing with women. The time for that sort of thing might be with your guy friends, rather than with a woman you're hoping to impress.
Many people decide they're just bad at making conversation, and of course, we all have our own natural level of comfort at that. Still, it is a skill that can be learned and improved by all. You can practice having conversations. You can get out and try new hobbies and interests (pick ones where you're likely to meet women--i.e. not fantasy football) and have more to talk about. You can "steal" some of the conversational skills from guys who seem to do it more successfully. Take your lack of success so far as a lesson, but not a reason to give up.
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