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Location: Austin, TX/Chicago, IL/Houston, TX/Washington, DC
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Long story short:
We go to different schools, in two different states. She comes back home in the holidays when I come back home and that's when we see each other and also in summer. Nothing wrong with our relationship at all, she prefers it this way and I do too.
But I've been contemplating breaking up for a few weeks now, don't want to share the exact reason but how do you tell someone that isn't here about it? Wait until she gets back?
I really like her a lot, and its the same back but yeahhh. So how to do it? I'm still not 100% sure if I want to yet, but its something that I'm just contemplating though, and no I haven't talked to her about this yet either but I will when I make up my mind if I want to or no.
Unless one knows why it's hard to say. You say the long distance isn't an issue because you both prefer it that way and just about everything you say gives nothing to work with - maybe you could elaborate a bit more as to WHY you want to do this - is it just something temporary?
Location: Austin, TX/Chicago, IL/Houston, TX/Washington, DC
10,138 posts, read 16,053,483 times
Reputation: 4047
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007
Unless one knows why it's hard to say. You say the long distance isn't an issue because you both prefer it that way and just about everything you say gives nothing to work with - maybe you could elaborate a bit more as to WHY you want to do this - is it just something temporary?
Without getting too much into detail, I really really like her a lot but I want to be single for a bit. It's a complexity that revolves around two different feelings, when you really like someone but at the same time want to be on your own for a bit. I will say though that I'm still just contemplating, haven't officially decided to do this yet just thinking up about it first before doing anything.
Does that make sense? It's the clearest way I can describe it without it getting personal.
Sure, it makes perfect sense. I went through this very thing in college and it was a matter of just focusing on your own college experience. Spending more weekends making new friends and getting more involved and spending time developing yourself and your interests and maybe it would be best if you both took the time to do this because that is all part of going to college.
I knew it would eventually happen, it came as no surprise and there was nothing bad, it was just the circumstances.
Hope my words above might be of some help to you in formulating what you want to say, but in all honesty, there's no way around not hurting her feelings or dealing with a few tears and everyone has to deal with that. Be comforting and soft spoken about it and lord, yes, do it in person.
Unless one knows why it's hard to say. You say the long distance isn't an issue because you both prefer it that way and just about everything you say gives nothing to work with - maybe you could elaborate a bit more as to WHY you want to do this - is it just something temporary?
It all sounds very convoluted and I agree there's insufficient information to offer an opinion.
However, once you do make up your mind and want to break off the relationship then I'd suggest you do it as painlessly as possible. I'm assuming that the relationship is one of intimacy? So you call her (don't text or email) and tell her as much as you've enjoyed the relationship your respective lives are going in different directions. That you'd like to remain friends (if that's true, don't fib/lie about it) but that you'll understand if that's not possible.
Not all intimate relationships end in a barrage of sturm und drang. I'm still good friends with an ex-fiance who's now very happily married. The breakup which he instigated was very painful for me at the time but time heals much and age offers clarity.
She might be thinking along the same lines as you!
What if you go ahead and break up with her though, but then regret it later, afterwards? Remember, you may not be able to get it back, what you had with her, before...
Plus, keep in mind there's no guarantee you may actually be able to find someone else, the same way that you care about her. Just saying, please be sure think about things thoroughly, whichever way you decide.
Best of luck to you friend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DANNYY
Without getting too much into detail, I really really like her a lot but I want to be single for a bit. It's a complexity that revolves around two different feelings, when you really like someone but at the same time want to be on your own for a bit. I will say though that I'm still just contemplating, haven't officially decided to do this yet just thinking up about it first before doing anything.
Does that make sense? It's the clearest way I can describe it without it getting personal.
We go to different schools, in two different states. She comes back home in the holidays when I come back home and that's when we see each other and also in summer. Nothing wrong with our relationship at all, she prefers it this way and I do too.
But I've been contemplating breaking up for a few weeks now, don't want to share the exact reason but how do you tell someone that isn't here about it? Wait until she gets back?
I really like her a lot, and its the same back but yeahhh. So how to do it? I'm still not 100% sure if I want to yet, but its something that I'm just contemplating though, and no I haven't talked to her about this yet either but I will when I make up my mind if I want to or no.
How do you break up with someone?
With as much integrity and kindness as possible.
This means, you do it BEFORE you find someone else to pursue.
You put yourself in their shoes and treat them the way YOU would want them to treat you.
This means you do not insult their intelligence and tell them, "it's not you"
As did I, just offering advice if push comes to shove.
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