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I think it's more than a little disingenuous to see any issue as one of totally black/white, right/wrong. Some individual cases may be, of course. However, the totally polarized view can be very self-serving, because it automatically absolves the person judging from any responsibility. Sometimes they have no fault, but that's extremely rare from what I've seen. My ex had that kind of bipolar attitude, and was righteously sure she was right even when she could be proved wrong.
Some issues are black and white. Affairs are wrong. Murder is wrong. Stealing is wrong.
I don't know if selfish is the word i'd use to describe cheaters but imo if you cheat you don't deserve having a relationship with anyone...
Too bad people who get cheated on only break up some of the time... would be a lot more singles out there if they would.
Unfortunately, some of us have kids and it's the lesser of the evils, for them, to stay married. Divorce is hell on kids. While staying in an unhappy marriage isn't ideal for them, it's better than the alternative.
There are all kinds of reasons you might have a momentary lapse of judgement and say something you shouldn't. They range from low blood sugar to illness to stress...That's just part of life. We try our darndest not to do it but it happens. It's not "allowed" but rather, understood. It's not ok but it's repairable.
Choosing to have sex with someone other than your spouse is in a totally different league. It is a deliberate betrayal. It's a chose to not be true to your word. It's, usually, followed by very conscious lies to someone who should be able to trust you.
My husband doesn't handle stress well. Especially if drinking. Yeah, he's said some not so nice things but no vows wer broken. It was fixable. Sleeping with someone else is not a momentary lapse of judgement. It's a deliberate slap in the face to your spouse. I'd compare it to beating your spouse. Both the wife beater and the cheater don't care how much they hurt their spouse because they're scum. They're not worth being married to.
"In the moment" is either an excuse or it's not. It only takes a momentary lapse of judgment or lowering of the guard to find yourself making out with someone. Especially when alcohol is involved.
Now, if you are renting apartments and motel rooms, rearranging your schedule on the sly, doing a strip-tease, etc, then that is definitely a deliberate and calculated betrayal. But the thread is about ONE TIME. One episode of physical betrayal.
If stress and/or drinking was the excuse my spouse gave for acting like an a-hole, there would be an no alcohol rule at my house and a new job/less stressful situation ASAP.
my parents were never married by moved away from eachother when I was young, and kept their battle going for years until my father died.(and when My father died, my mother decided to declare war on grandma instead...who she's still at war with) I know the drill.
Still I don't think parents should screw their own life in risk of potentially showing their kids how the real world works.
It would be increadibly hard for me to trust soeone who's violated my trust so badly.
It's like when a friend lies to me(about something that matters)... Just can't have it... after they've done that I never feel relaxed around them and feel like I have some sneaky something around me.
I agree that it stems from being selfish. You want your cake and eat it too and it takes a lot of balls to cheat to be so arrogant and full of yourself to think that it's okay what you're doing.
In my opinion and in my experience, if you keep your man interested by good conversation, good sense of humor, a feeling that you are always supportive (yes even if he brings home his kill for the week) fed, sexed, and keep the nagging to a minimum, it doesn't take much more to please them.... Men are very simple creatures, they don't require much but it seems what they do require a lot of women just don't understand...
Don't get me wrong.. I don't mean that this is ALL there is to keeping a man happy but in my honest opinion is just doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure them out. They are far less complicated than we females are.
Right. Because men only cheat on lousy wives. Got it. Women can do all of these things + and still be cheated on. Its almost like saying you can keep a wifebeater from hitting you as long as you do everything he wants. Men ARE very simple. A guy on CD said it best "the first time I saw a woman naked I had a strong desire to see as many other women naked as possible" sounds pretty simple
"In the moment" is either an excuse or it's not. It only takes a momentary lapse of judgment or lowering of the guard to find yourself making out with someone. Especially when alcohol is involved.
Now, if you are renting apartments and motel rooms, rearranging your schedule on the sly, doing a strip-tease, etc, then that is definitely a deliberate and calculated betrayal. But the thread is about ONE TIME. One episode of physical betrayal.
If stress and/or drinking was the excuse my spouse gave for acting like an a-hole, there would be an no alcohol rule at my house and a new job/less stressful situation ASAP.
Yes, it is about ONE time, but didn't the person make a choice to put themselves in that situation? For example, if I go out drinking with people from work and I know that I might be tempted, why would I, if I am a married person, put myself in that place? If I find my co-worker attractive, then, I should not text them, send them flirty emails, have regular lunches with them, or go out with them after work. Common sense would stop a lot of these "in the moment" incidents. Don't let yourself be tempted. Don't leave your spouse at home, when you hit the bars...let your spouse be the one you get carried away with.
A marriage is easily ended. Get out; don't cheat. It is really that simple isn't it? Cheaters will always try to justify their actions while knowing they are wrong. No one just says hey I am a selfish s.o.b., and I cheat because I want to. No, everyone finds an excuse, and in reality, there is no excuse. Even in the case of illness, there are ways to make someone your ward and look after them without remaining married. You can show your love after the marriage is disolved by continuing to visit them and pay for their expenses.
You said it perfectly. If the marriage is that terrible, then end it.
Right. Because men only cheat on lousy wives. Got it. Women can do all of these things + and still be cheated on. Its almost like saying you can keep a wifebeater from hitting you as long as you do everything he wants. Men ARE very simple. A guy on CD said it best "the first time I saw a woman naked I had a strong desire to see as many other women naked as possible" sounds pretty simple
Ha...Good post. People that want variety, despite being married, are not cheating because they are not satisfied at home. They cheat because they WANT to.
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