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I recented found out my spouse cheated on me. As you can imagine is the worsted thing you can go through. He confessed it to me, because he said he could not live lying to me any longer. Well I knew something was wrong but was in the deniel. He said he wants to forget about all that and wants to start all over again. But I can't seem to forget and wonder who this other person is. Everytime we're together I wonder if he still loves me. I keep bringing up what happened between him and this person. I'm I going crazy?
Will this pass or will it drive him away again? Please help!!!
Note been married for 20 years. Help!!!
I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. You are not crazy at all.....you have very right to know anything and everything you feel you want/need to know....don't feel bad asking at all...if you want to know something ask, he owes you at least that much. Like i said in a previous post.....you will know if he's truly sorry....he has to agree to be an open book and to answer any questions you want to ask and to not become upset with you about it.......if he can't do that for you then girl.....there are many many many other fish in the sea......hate to sound cliche' but it's true.
You suffered a big loss....it will take time just like any other loss.
Depending on what kind of person you are, maybe doing something symbolic will help.
Take that betraying little member, give it a good soapy wash, rinse and let the "bad" down the drain.
Might help if you gave it a good slap while you're at it.
Before you can agree to start over, you need to get past what happened.
I`m assuming the two of you have talked about his affair, and you have ask him questions as to why, how long, etc.
He cannot expect you to just say,"awww... thats ok. I forgive you."
You are already questioning his love for you, so it sounds like you need to sit him down, and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him how this makes you feel inside..hurt, angry, confused, etc.
Try to work on getting your feelings out. If needed, the both of you could talk with a counselor.
If you don`t, then I`m afraid the resentment will just sit and get worse.
Finding out that your SO cheated, is a huge deal! Its heart breaking.
I`m sorry...
Honestly, I think you should find a good marriage counselor to explore why you want to know and have it disclosed in a "safe" environment. I would want to know, just to prevent the head trip or the possibility to prepare for running into the person or situation unprepared.
Good luck - I am so sorry you are going through this!
I recented found out my spouse cheated on me. As you can imagine is the worsted thing you can go through. He confessed it to me, because he said he could not live lying to me any longer. Well I knew something was wrong but was in the deniel. He said he wants to forget about all that and wants to start all over again. But I can't seem to forget and wonder who this other person is. Everytime we're together I wonder if he still loves me. I keep bringing up what happened between him and this person. I'm I going crazy?
Will this pass or will it drive him away again? Please help!!!
Note been married for 20 years. Help!!!
Youre not going crazy at all! You are entitled to know who she was, how he felt when they screwed, did he go south?? If you are anything like me..you need to know every dam thing. Even if it hurts. ofcourse he doesnt want to relive the situation because he's ashamed..but hell, this is all new for you..old to him..but brand new to you. He needs to cut the pride and just come clean entirely. This is actually the beginning stage of the healing process.
I dont know why we as women want to know detail by detail..but it is what it is..whatever you need for clarity or closure...he needs to profess that. And work with you..even if you if you go nuts on him...he needs to accept it because the truth of the matter, you will never be able to hurt him as much as he hurt you! You are not crazy..you are just in shock!
The who, is not important, the details will only make it worse. YOu need to either get over it or not. Can you do it?
Its not that easy after 20 years of marriage..it will take time. I'm sure its too soon for OP to answer this question. Infidelity is a hell of a thing to get over. It can be done but it will take time.
Will this pass or will it drive him away again? Please help!!!
By the way, you need not to concern yourself about if this will drive him away. If it does, then he's the one with the problem and his actions will answer all your questions..you certainly won't need City Data to answer that
1) I hate to say this, but spouses who cheat generally are repeat offenders.
2) I would think some time apart would be a thought. It allows you to carefully what shape you want your relationship to take and it may also be the 'out' you mate is after but can't say to your face.
3) At this point in time, do what's best for you and not him.
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