Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I completely disagree that it's something some people would want to do that alcohol enables. I would NEVER do karaoke, but if drunk and approached the right way, I might foolishly be persuaded. I'm sure I'd regret it, too - as would anyone present! Clearly this topic is a hot-button issue for you, and you can't let yourself see alternate viewpoints - IMO.
I have a serious problem with this last statement. If I am a guy in a marriage where the chick just doesn't put out anymore, like refuses, and I have kids, cheating should be expected. (unless the man is a sexless android) Why should I have to pay expenses for this lowlife broad who refuses to have sex with me? I would not want to punish the kids by getting a divorce, but I need sex from somewhere. So if I get caught, I should lose custody of MY kids, when she was the one who broke up the marriage? I should have to pay HER living expenses? Are you mother effing kidding me? She should be the one who does not have custody, and pays me support for ruining it. Some of you
people are unbelievable.
I think you read her post out of context. Please read it again.
I completely disagree that it's something some people would want to do that alcohol enables. I would NEVER do karaoke, but if drunk and approached the right way, I might foolishly be persuaded. I'm sure I'd regret it, too - as would anyone present! Clearly this topic is a hot-button issue for you, and you can't let yourself see alternate viewpoints - IMO.
Not a hot button. I just think cheaters are scum.
I don't mean to imply it gives you the guts to do what you really wanted to but that it takes down barriers to things you're not opposed to. Does Karaoke really matter to you in the big scheme of things? Do you really care that much if you got up on that stage? So you can be talked into it while drunk, did you destroy anyone's life in the process? You're comparing something really piddly to a huge betrayal of trust.
I've been drunk enough times to know how alcohol acts on people and known enough people who've been drunk to know how it acts upon people. It doesn't change who you are. It just lowers your inhibitions. So, yes, you can be talked into singing karaoke but do you think someone could talk you into murder? Or armed robbery? We're not talking about karaoke here. We're talking about doing something that is, supposedly, against your moral code. If you value your spouse. If you value your marriage. If affairs are against your moral code, you're not going to have one because you had one beer too many.
I've been drunk on my arse, during a really bad stretch in my marriage, while on a business trip, with a sexy coworker who was more than willing and all I did was spill my guts about my marriage because it's against my moral code to have an affair. Now, whine about my marriage? That's another story. I admit I told him things I shouldn't have but I did nothing that went against my moral code.
You do realize that lowering your inhibitions just means you're more likely to do things you would resist if sober. It does not change who you are deep down inside....unless you pickle your brain regularly and then you start to lose brain cells and all bets are off but you're still the one who chose to drink so you chose whatever happened.
Sober, I would never sing karaoke or play the piano publically. I have done both while drinking. All drinking did was give me the guts to do something I didn't have the guts to do otherwise. It did not change who I was. Just how much I cared about what others thought of me. While drinking I didn't care what they thought of me but I still valued what I, truely, value. Karaoke isn't even on the radar of things I value. Sure, I wished I hadn't had that last beer and embarassed myself but no harm was done. You can't say the same about an affair.
Let me start by saying lovesMountains might be one of my favorite people ever, and I don't even know/or will ever meet her.
Also let me say that this thread has been very entertaining for me on the night shift over here in Iraq. I was watching basketball, but all the games in the past hour have been blowouts, so I needed to look elsewhere for fun, so from me to you: thank you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barefoot Potato
I have a more than zero tolerance policy for infidelity. I'm talking, if I find an email or a text message that even contemplates having a fling, I'm changing the locks and your stuff will be sitting on the lawn.
I would expect nothing less in return from my fiance.
You madame are one insecure individual. Haven't you ever heard of flirting?
Quote:
Yes, it is about ONE time, but didn't the person make a choice to put themselves in that situation? For example, if I go out drinking with people from work and I know that I might be tempted, why would I, if I am a married person, put myself in that place? If I find my co-worker attractive, then, I should not text them, send them flirty emails, have regular lunches with them, or go out with them after work. Common sense would stop a lot of these "in the moment" incidents. Don't let yourself be tempted. Don't leave your spouse at home, when you hit the bars...let your spouse be the one you get carried away with.
I tell my buddy this all the time. When you get married (or are in one of those non-marriage type relationships if you are weak) you give up certain things, and putting yourself in certain situations. You should not really put yourself in situations where you would give into temptations. Hanging out after work with a bunch of people drinking is probably one of those.
Let me answer the question by saying of course I would forgive a one time thing of infidelity. Frankly I would be curious where she found the time with two babies in the house. People make mistakes, and to dump all that time, emotions, and money away over one night of a mistake is foolhardy, and makes no business or emotional sense.
Unfortunately, some of us have kids and it's the lesser of the evils, for them, to stay married. Divorce is hell on kids. While staying in an unhappy marriage isn't ideal for them, it's better than the alternative.
Which is why some people cheat instead of leaving. Why is it "so simple" for the would-be cheater to do--just walk away! it's easy!--while the cheated-upon must martyr themselves upon the cross because it's better for the kids?
Which is why some people cheat instead of leaving. Why is it "so simple" for the would-be cheater to do--just walk away! it's easy!--while the cheated-upon must martyr themselves upon the cross because it's better for the kids?
You do realize you can both stay AND NOT cheat??? Right??? Believe it or not, it is possible to put your children's needs above your own selfish desires.
So what if your marriage sucks. Put on your big girl/boy panties and deal with it. The kids matter more than whether or not you get your rocks off with someone else. There are ways to take the edge off, trust me.
Cheating is a choice that jeapardizes the stability of your children's home. What kind of parent does that? I have to ask why they're out sleeping around instead of home with their kids who, supposedly, matter so much to them.
Let me start by saying lovesMountains might be one of my favorite people ever, and I don't even know/or will ever meet her.
Also let me say that this thread has been very entertaining for me on the night shift over here in Iraq. I was watching basketball, but all the games in the past hour have been blowouts, so I needed to look elsewhere for fun, so from me to you: thank you!
You madame are one insecure individual. Haven't you ever heard of flirting?
I tell my buddy this all the time. When you get married (or are in one of those non-marriage type relationships if you are weak) you give up certain things, and putting yourself in certain situations. You should not really put yourself in situations where you would give into temptations. Hanging out after work with a bunch of people drinking is probably one of those.
Let me answer the question by saying of course I would forgive a one time thing of infidelity. Frankly I would be curious where she found the time with two babies in the house. People make mistakes, and to dump all that time, emotions, and money away over one night of a mistake is foolhardy, and makes no business or emotional sense.
You are my hero, in more ways than one
Thanks for your post here, but more importantly THANK YOU for taking a stand for this country
Let me start by saying lovesMountains might be one of my favorite people ever, and I don't even know/or will ever meet her.
Also let me say that this thread has been very entertaining for me on the night shift over here in Iraq. I was watching basketball, but all the games in the past hour have been blowouts, so I needed to look elsewhere for fun, so from me to you: thank you!
You madame are one insecure individual. Haven't you ever heard of flirting?
I tell my buddy this all the time. When you get married (or are in one of those non-marriage type relationships if you are weak) you give up certain things, and putting yourself in certain situations. You should not really put yourself in situations where you would give into temptations. Hanging out after work with a bunch of people drinking is probably one of those.
Let me answer the question by saying of course I would forgive a one time thing of infidelity. Frankly I would be curious where she found the time with two babies in the house. People make mistakes, and to dump all that time, emotions, and money away over one night of a mistake is foolhardy, and makes no business or emotional sense.
Why would you be flirting if you were in love with your spouse? Why window shop if you don't intend to buy? Flirting is where affairs start. I'll second that my husband would be out on his butt if I found even an email to another woman. If he wants to flirt, he can do all the flirting he wants to after the divorce is final. Heck, he could start doing it that night as he'd be out of this house and there will be no reconciliation if ther'es a next time.
I prefer someone who is faithful and there are men out there who prefer a woman who is faithful. I don't need to waste my time on someone who won't be. I think you're mistaking insecurity for valuing oneself.
I'm still in what's left of my marriage because it's best for the kids. They are innocent bystanders in this drama. We agree to get along for their sake. Whether or not we choose to stay together after they move out is anyone's guess.
Which is why some people cheat instead of leaving. Why is it "so simple" for the would-be cheater to do--just walk away! it's easy!--while the cheated-upon must martyr themselves upon the cross because it's better for the kids?
People who "stay for the kids" are just deluding themselves.
What they've actually managed to accomplish is to teach their kids how to have the same loveless marriage they've watched their parents have.
Condemning kids to the kind of sad deprived relationship they have endured is really twisted. Oh sure, their intentions were "noble", but the end result has a high price to pay - those kids grow up to be in sucky marriages themselves
I have a serious problem with this last statement. If I am a guy in a marriage where the chick just doesn't put out anymore, like refuses, and I have kids, cheating should be expected. (unless the man is a sexless android) Why should I have to pay expenses for this lowlife broad who refuses to have sex with me? I would not want to punish the kids by getting a divorce, but I need sex from somewhere. So if I get caught, I should lose custody of MY kids, when she was the one who broke up the marriage? I should have to pay HER living expenses? Are you mother effing kidding me? She should be the one who does not have custody, and pays me support for ruining it. Some of you
people are unbelievable.
You did read my post out of context. It was written in reply to something another poster said about a man who stayed in a marriage to care for his mentally ill wife. It was not suggesting that someone continue to care for a woman they no longer love. He loved his wife; they just no longer had a relationship because of her illness. Supposedly, he cheated rather than divorce her so that he could continue to care for her. I was saying there are ways to care without continuing in a marriage that is no longer a marriage. If you would actually read the thread before you reply, it would help you to understand the posts.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. People make mistakes, and to dump all that time, emotions, and money away over one night of a mistake is foolhardy, and makes no business or emotional sense.
