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When a spouse cheats, a lot more transpires than the actual act of cheating. A few that come to mind are lying, sneaking, deceiving, back stabbing, and disrespecting the spouse, family, marriage, self and the destruction of the spouse's trust in you. For those that enter into affairs, whether short term or long term, it now requires lying, sneaking, deceiving, back stabbing and disrespecting on a DAILY basis. How does that equate to a "good" person? Why would anyone even consider doing this to the person they supposedly love and is supposed to be their best friend?
As for those who feel they have a valid reason to cheat, I think most cheaters, when they want to cheat or have cheated, find a way to justify it, but is it ever really justifiable? There are other options, and if all options are exhausted and nothing has changed, then LEAVE your spouse. But for goodness sake, please at least have the decency to show enough respect for the person you once loved and possibly the parent of your children, to not lie, sneak, deceive, back stab and disrespect them.
You shouldn't have to deal with it any other way. When I commit I do it 100%. I have access to keys to about 100 houses right as I'm writing this. Would I get in and take something? Absolutely NOT!
Theft is a criminal activity. Infidelity is not, unless you live in the middle east and are a woman
i beg to differ. Good people don't break their marriage vows.
Assumption that we all have vows regarding infidelity.
good people don't put their spouse through an affair.
Good has nothing to do with it. It is how we respond to it that needs to be adjusted. Infidelity is never going away, it is common in society, the best we can do is admit it and weigh it as such.
good people stand by their word.
Assumption again. Not everyone had your vows.
since when are you a good person when you break vows, lie and cheat?
Again, human trait, good or bad doesn't come into play. Even if it was "bad" there are situations where it is easily acceptable. If i was married and in a vegatative state, never to come out, i would want my spouse to take care of me, but i would want her to find a man to take care of her.
obviously, your definition of a good person and mine are totally different.
I don't look at it as being a desirable situation, but since we will be living with it in society for the rest of human kind, we can only change are attitude towards it.
I wonder if the cheating party every considers what their SO might feel about it? NO matter what the extreme situation may be. How about the kids, how would they feel if mommy or daddy decided to dip themselves into some forbidden fruit? There's a lot more at stake when there's a family involved.
Absolutely. That is also why it isn't as simple as "if you're not happy, leave."
Some people are perfectly happy being parents, but not happy with their marriages. I am all for walking if one is truly not happy. I believe kids are much better off with two happy separated parents than two bitter married ones. However, my way is not the way for everyone else.
I'm fairly certain that some of these people consider how their partner would feel. It is really a matter of negotiation at that point. Are my needs more important than his/her feelings? Sometimes, they actually are. It is as much a risk to a family to deny someone of the things that make a marriage work. He could walk, for the sake of not cheating, but the family is broken anyway because of needs that were not being met. Then it would be all her fault, wouldn't it? How many here would be OK with that? LOL.
Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and impairs decision-making. It can lead to doing things you would not normally do. So, it's best to avoid situations where drinking can lead to unintended consequences, IF you can foresee that may occur. The situation may change as people come and go, but if you've already been drinking in what was originally a benign situation, the risk environment is now different.
But they are things you wanted to do but just didn't have the guts to do. Alcohol doesn't make you a different person. You won't do things you would not be inclined to do anyway. It just makes it easier to do them.
You're correct, it's best to use your head before you drink.
No. I'm not excusing behavior. I'm explaining why it happens. There is a HUGE difference between a momentary lapse and deciding to have an affair. One happens in a split second when you weren't thinking or just weren't in the right frame of mind while the other takes a conscious decision. There are many moments, just on the way up to the hotel room, for you to come to your senses and change your mind.
The big difference here is after a momentary lapse of judgement, in one case you appologize and try not to let it happen again and in the other you decide to just go with the decision you made in that moment. Too bad your marriage vows didn't mean as much as that split second decision
Even a one time affair happens with forethought. You don't walk into a room, have a momentary lapse of judgement and find yourself engaged in sex with someone else in a split second. You have many seconds to think about what you are doing before your clothes come off. Heck, you can think about it while your clothes are coming off. We're not talking a split second when you had fleeting thought you didn't mean to say out loud here. We're talking a very deliberate act of betrayal...usually followed by lots of lies...
I stand by my post (Please answer outside my posts insted of editing them). Good people stand by their word. If they didn't take a vow of fidelity then there's no problem. It's not a problem if you never agreed to forsake all others as long as your partner understood that from the beginning. At least not at first....
I had a friend, years ago, in an open marriage. Everything was wonderful until she turned up pregnant and had no idea who the father was. Suddenly, he didn't want to be saddled with a child that wasn't his...and that was that.
I think that cheating is never justifiable. However, the notion that leaving marriage is easy is simply false and shows lack of life experience, to be honest, which is understandable, since you are in your early 20s.
I think that if a marriage is so unfulfilling that it causes someone to cheat, then may be it IS better to leave, however, divorce is NEVER easy, definitely not as easy as I see in some posts ("don't cheat, just leave").
There is a lot of heartbreak and heartache, financial stress, division of assets, not to mention the trauma it may cause the children, to some people it is simply devastating, especially for women. When you built a life with someone, it is VERY hard to separate from that person even when you are unhappy. And at the end of the day, the results of divorce remain unknown, it is unknown whether you will be better off without that person.
I also believe that it's better be alone than cheat and suffer, but the notion that divorce is as easy as changing your college major is simply not true.
It's easy in the sense that it's easy to get a divorce. You don't even have to have a reason. And it's better to leave than to cheat. So leaving, no matter how, emotionally, hard is the right choice. If you've reached the point you're sleeping with other people, why are you even in a marriage? What kind of person lives that life of deceit? Far better to be honest and free your poor spouse to find someone who loves them.
But they are things you wanted to do but just didn't have the guts to do. Alcohol doesn't make you a different person. You won't do things you would not be inclined to do anyway. It just makes it easier to do them.
You're correct, it's best to use your head before you drink.
I completely disagree that it's something some people would want to do that alcohol enables. I would NEVER do karaoke, but if drunk and approached the right way, I might foolishly be persuaded. I'm sure I'd regret it, too - as would anyone present! Clearly this topic is a hot-button issue for you, and you can't let yourself see alternate viewpoints - IMO.
You can show your love after the marriage is disolved by continuing to visit them and pay for their expenses.
I have a serious problem with this last statement. If I am a guy in a marriage where the chick just doesn't put out anymore, like refuses, and I have kids, cheating should be expected. (unless the man is a sexless android) Why should I have to pay expenses for this lowlife broad who refuses to have sex with me? I would not want to punish the kids by getting a divorce, but I need sex from somewhere. So if I get caught, I should lose custody of MY kids, when she was the one who broke up the marriage? I should have to pay HER living expenses? Are you mother effing kidding me? She should be the one who does not have custody, and pays me support for ruining it. Some of you
people are unbelievable.
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Would I get in and take something? Absolutely NOT!
