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So, why is my simple post turning into a discussion about finances, whether you can afford kids, college, age, demographics, etc? I just simply asked lightheartedly if there were any single men out there who want kids? Seems to have gotten way off topic about 20 pages ago.
*and what is "being on the dole"? I've never heard this comment before?
I don't know how old you are, but I know and encounter a lot of young men that wants kids of their own. Some guys I know are "I love kids and I want kids" and some guys are "I would like to have some kids one day." I can sense a difference between these two guys.
A lot of couples (for the ones that are married) at my school are just waiting to have kids after they graduate.
I agree that you shouldn't ask this in the first meeting, but I've had men ask me if I want kids so early on, and I feel like it's a "test". Why can men ask this so early, but women can't? I hate feeling trapped into answering. What do they want me to say? Or, they tell me they've had a V within the first moments of a conversation. It's very awkward.
What are the timing rules of asking if someone wants kids or not? why are the rules different for men and women? I don't want to waste my time with a guy who doesn't want kids or has had a V. But I don't want the guy to ask me if I want kids in the first meeting either.
I think it varies in a relationship. I don't have an answer as to why men may or may not be "allowed" to ask the Babies question early, as I've never done so.
I haven't had many lengthy relationships, in which a relationship lasts 6 months or longer. But in the relationships that I've been in, the woman has brought up the question. I think the question should be brought up when the couple are both comfortable with each other.
The earliest a woman has asked me said question, was about a month and a half into the relationship, where both of us went through a series of dates, and at least introductions to our group of friends and found ourselves very much interested in more than just sex or just friendship.
Honestly, for me, if/when a woman asks me if I want kids in the beginning of dating, it sends off a red flag to me. Bad relationships in the past, maybe she's either really clingy or maybe she's desperate, could be a test to see how I'd respond. Either way, by the end of that question, I'm looking to dodge the bullet.
These arduous 22 pages have brought tears to my eyes.
To the OP , I don't want kids , but given the wording of your question , felt a bit bad for you. Don't rush it , someone on the same page as yourself will come along. You may look into relocating to a suburbia that espouses the 'family conducive' atmosphere. There are a few places that immediately come to mind. Makes me wanna pinch your cheeks(facially speaking)!!
Okay, I posted this before, but it was deleted for reasons unclear, given that it was completely on-topic...
Obviously, there are men who are interested in fatherhood. If you are having a hard time finding ANY, there's something else going on. Look at the places you spend your time, the people you associate with, any one particular demographic with whom you spend the majority of your time, and if these seem to attract people who have different wants and values than you, change it up. Expand your horizons.
I guess I just don't like it when guys try to get me to answer this question as a test so they can use the excuse "oh, she wants kids right away!" to not call again. (at least that's what it feels like sometimes)
I just want to be able to get to know someone to see if they are even someone I want to date, before the kids topic is brought up.
I don't ever bring it up, but after a few minutes, it seems like he is already asking me if I want kids, or casually mentions he's had a V.
Just don't get it!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog
I think it varies in a relationship. I don't have an answer as to why men may or may not be "allowed" to ask the Babies question early, as I've never done so.
I haven't had many lengthy relationships, in which a relationship lasts 6 months or longer. But in the relationships that I've been in, the woman has brought up the question. I think the question should be brought up when the couple are both comfortable with each other.
The earliest a woman has asked me said question, was about a month and a half into the relationship, where both of us went through a series of dates, and at least introductions to our group of friends and found ourselves very much interested in more than just sex or just friendship.
Honestly, for me, if/when a woman asks me if I want kids in the beginning of dating, it sends off a red flag to me. Bad relationships in the past, maybe she's either really clingy or maybe she's desperate, could be a test to see how I'd respond. Either way, by the end of that question, I'm looking to dodge the bullet.
thanks! believe me, I am not desparate by any means, no need to feel bad for me, this is just an observation. Yes, I would like to have kids someday (even 1!) just haven't been able to date quality men, much less men who want a child.
So, where is this suburb?? ha ha!
Quote:
Originally Posted by etacarinae
These arduous 22 pages have brought tears to my eyes.
To the OP , I don't want kids , but given the wording of your question , felt a bit bad for you. Don't rush it , someone on the same page as yourself will come along. You may look into relocating to a suburbia that espouses the 'family conducive' atmosphere. There are a few places that immediately come to mind. Makes me wanna pinch your cheeks(facially speaking)!!
Good points, I try to spend my time doing quality things, museums, sports, travel, etc. I don't know where else I could be missing. I am very outgoing and friendly. I would say I am exposed to a variety of demographics. Sure wish those fatherhood guys would make themselves known!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Okay, I posted this before, but it was deleted for reasons unclear, given that it was completely on-topic...
Obviously, there are men who are interested in fatherhood. If you are having a hard time finding ANY, there's something else going on. Look at the places you spend your time, the people you associate with, any one particular demographic with whom you spend the majority of your time, and if these seem to attract people who have different wants and values than you, change it up. Expand your horizons.
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