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My question is about how a marriage with a particular type of woman who is different from me would work out. Here is my situation:
I am a man who needs much structure, am more of a rule follower and does best in a structured lifestyle ( regular job, working for a living, etc), however, I was very attracted and had a relationship for quite sometime with a woman who had the exact opposite profile: Spontaneous, strong willed, independent minded, makes her own rules, traveled around the world by herself ( moving from place to place developing strong perspectives, got involved independently in some political organizations, in which she rose to be a regional officer, and lived in different places. All in all spending many years without a traditional job: (She is from Australia where many years ago, you could find ways to do that.)
She was a dynamic person who thrived on a free unstructured lifestyle developing herself and accomplishing much, while I in contrast do much better in a heavily structured working lifestyle. As to some other differences is in our personality styles, I am more slow and delibarate and sometimes can have good insights to help her accomplish certain goals or resolve certain problems,while she is able to shoot from the hip at d inner party at a good pace and maintain the flow on conversations of many topics. On a nonprofit project that were were involved with, I was able to locate the one in a hundred program that would give a grant and decipher 20 pages of regulations, along with evaluating certain legal advice,while she with dynamism was able to bring many people together.
The jist is that by fate, we have gotten back together again for about a year and a half and I am considering making a very long term commitment.
My questions are the following:
1. Is it unusual for me as a a man who needs much structure, am more of a rule follower and does best in a structured lifestyle( regular working) to be heavily attracted to such a woman as described above?
2. If I greatly appreciate such as a woman, how would the following solution work:
I marry her, live my structured work lifestyle financially supporting her and enjoy admiring her, while with my financial support, she is able to continue her lifestyle? While I am not a multimillionaire, I make a pretty good upper middle class living.
Depends. Certainly, "opposites attract" as others have said. There's no mystery why you're attracted to one another. It's very common to be attracted to someone who holds the qualities that we ourselves lack. It's a way to diversify and gather in certain traits to round out our lives.
The real question is whether you two can live together and make each other happy in the long term. What you're describing is great for the short-term. Will those differences eventually bother you in the long term? Harder to say. Sometimes those very things that were so remarkable at the beginning become annoyances as time goes on. Do you have hidden aspirations to change her? If 5 years from now she was exactly the same, would that bother you? Do you love her enough to change yourself if she needs that? Would you do so wholeheartedly or would you feel resentful?
Long term, I would fear you would ask her to "grow up"...
Luckily my husband and I are not the same, but are similar! We have similar outlooks on life, similar attitudes on living. Our differences balance each other out.
Do you wish to be more like her?? You may end up meeting in the middle down the road and make a great couple!!
People change in that respect! If you are willing, and don't think that the way you do something is the only right way, then it would work.
Directed towards the OP...
Hmmm...well you are opposites since from what I have read and processed you seem to be very routine oriented...you like to know where your day is heading...where are you are going to be year from now...you probably have strict regimen daily..very organized and are logistic and methodical..I am thinking a typical SAG..
your SO seems to be organized but in a different way..her regimen depends on what she is working on at that particular moment. A free spirit, blends well in any company, knows a little about everything and is very resourceful because of her lofty spirit..
Non Profit is hard work, it means being passionate about what you do which involves assisting others and making a difference which makes her a asset because she has done her homework and how to get around the "loop holes" because she is very charasmatic and does not "Accept" no for an answer, her reply would be.." Let me look around" "there has to be another way" she sounds like a fishie...Pisces...
IT can work..it depends on you understanding her way of approaching life and her understanding yours..
She will benefit from you being so grounded that you see the reality that often times she cannot see...and you will benefit from her zeal for life her gutsy approach and look outside the box once in awhile and respect her input....it just takes an OPEN and UNDERSTANDING dialogue..
1. Is it unusual for me as a a man who needs much structure, am more of a rule follower and does best in a structured lifestyle( regular working) to be heavily attracted to such a woman as described above?
2. If I greatly appreciate such as a woman, how would the following solution work:
I marry her, live my structured work lifestyle financially supporting her and enjoy admiring her, while with my financial support, she is able to continue her lifestyle? While I am not a multimillionaire, I make a pretty good upper middle class living.
Any opinions would be appreciated."
1. There are no rules when it comes to pure attraction/love, etc...
Although, what may be apropos is someone who can challenge you and fulfill needs that balance you as a human being. Your example of the non profit project is a good one of opposites working in harmony.
2. Do you mean she has never supported herself and has always relied on you? If so, obviously you found some value in being with her. It is up to you to decide if the benefits are worth continuing. Do not make the mistake of feeling that since you are supporting her, she needs to change. Appreciate her or leave. Those are really the only two options in an opposites attract scenario.
I absolutely see why you are attracted. I think the relationship will be very exciting, but reading your explanation of personalities and styles I think it is full of potential for discord and disagreement on key areas in a relationship: Where to live, frequency and length of travel; finances; social style - the list goes on and on. In the beginning love can overcome everything - a little while in - not so much. My mother always said and it rings true today - what you absolutely adore about your spouse in the beginning is the most annoying trait as time goes on. Think about it - someone who showers you with attention becomes overbearing if lucky - if not a stalker. Just sayin'.
I think you both would have to discuss what you want out of the relationship and long term commitment and ensure you agree before going forward.
Depends. Certainly, "opposites attract" as others have said. There's no mystery why you're attracted to one another. It's very common to be attracted to someone who holds the qualities that we ourselves lack. It's a way to diversify and gather in certain traits to round out our lives.
The real question is whether you two can live together and make each other happy in the long term. What you're describing is great for the short-term. Will those differences eventually bother you in the long term? Harder to say. Sometimes those very things that were so remarkable at the beginning become annoyances as time goes on. Do you have hidden aspirations to change her? If 5 years from now she was exactly the same, would that bother you? Do you love her enough to change yourself if she needs that? Would you do so wholeheartedly or would you feel resentful?
If there are no financial problems, it may work. If you enjoy providing and seeing her living her lifestyle and buying things she likes, then why not?
I am more like you, I need to plan long-term, and if that involves getting a regular job, I will. My dh is more of that girl, he is creative when he is free of worrying about bills. I found out that I like providing for him, for his toys (tools).
((Mind you, his creativity means building houses, vehicles, and off-grid systems, which I view as multiplying our assets, so it goes in vein with my practical nature, - while he is "playing", in his mind)).
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