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Only in American society is being "nice" considered a curse. Ive never heard a guy say " She was too nice of a girl boo hoo ha". Nice people should keep on being nice and use their gut when dating. If being nice is who you are you should just be yourself and things will work out.
My ex BF just said that to me about the girl he was dating. He's certainly not looking for a bi-otch of anything, he just likes feisty girls. Just means they weren't meant for each other. Like you said, everyone should just be themselves and find the right person for them.
Nice guys don't stay nice for too long after being used, lied to, robbed blind, cheated on, laughed at, mocked, scorned and most of all.........rejected. Hey, a guy like you. You wouldn't say that a nice black man had self esteem issues if he finally got angry after being discriminated against, patronized all his life, right? So why are you going bigot against nice guys?
I'm betting you would describe, or did describe, yourself as nice?
I have a hard time buying it. For one, the impoverished have high birth rates globally. Finances don't make a darn bit of difference. We all know this. Looks don't matter all that much either. There are plenty of ugly, poor men that manage marriage and families. Again, we all know this. What you're probably failing to realize is that either A. what you consider to be a good man is not necessarily what the women your friends are going after consider to be good. Howie provided a great example of this earlier. Clearly, it's up for debate. B. Do you really know the type of women your friends are going for? If they're so great please, please pm me and lets hook them up with my girlfriend.
As mentioned, I have little doubt that a majority of these rejected guys are shooting for women out of their league. When they wake up to the fact that they can't have anyone they want (as most of us come to realize when quite young), their dating life will probably change.
Good afternoon,
Finances was only one of various aspects for various people I'm referring to. The most common rejection I've seen was the "too nice" reason. In my opinion that's a code word for the guy being boring or not attractive enough in their eyes. (Which is fine, I don't think anyone has a right to the mate they want) I'd just prefer honest answers if I were in their shoes.
In regards to me using what I consider a good man, you could be right. I see female friends using their view as a benchmark for characterizing their single female friends, so I don't want to do the same thing since it doesn't always fit. However, I was using what many women say a good man is (including on this forum).
I've already given them advice on how to change things, or at least find out why women they like don't want to be with them even though they're nice. For what it's worth, some were too chicken to ask, and the rest have said they received unclear or patronizing answers, so I've done my part. If you're serious about hooking them up with your gf, I don't mind helping folks out, so let me know what area of the country she is in.
I will agree that some did shoot outside of their league, but not all. For the ones who weren't, I believe in the end most simply weren't the "best available" guy that was showing interest at the time.
Confidence comes from finding something about yourself that you like. It could be your looks, your intelligence, your sense of humor, even your occupation. The point is that it makes you feel good about yourself and you project that confidence.
Hi Denny,
One can have ultimate confidence in one area and total lack of it in another area, especially if they typically fail. Just ask nerdy gamer types to compare their confidence in academic or video game settings vs talking to women.
I'm not sure if you're a man or a woman, but when it's your job to approach the opposite sex and you've failed 100% of the time, it's very difficult to create confidence out of thin air. Also, if a person has failed over and over, they may not have the best outlook in their personal qualities that would matter to the opposite sex.
Going along with your advice, of course, I do recommend my intelligent friends to seek women who have a high appreciation for intelligent guys so they can shine with those qualities. However, appreciation for high intelligence is not appreciated in the general dating market, so it's only realistic for a small niche.
One can have ultimate confidence in one area and total lack of it in another area, especially if they typically fail. Just ask nerdy gamer types to compare their confidence in academic or video game settings vs talking to women.
I'm not sure if you're a man or a woman, but when it's your job to approach the opposite sex and you've failed 100% of the time, it's very difficult to create confidence out of thin air. Also, if a person has failed over and over, they may not have the best outlook in their personal qualities that would matter to the opposite sex.
Going along with your advice, of course, I do recommend my intelligent friends to seek women who have a high appreciation for intelligent guys so they can shine with those qualities. However, appreciation for high intelligence is not appreciated in the general dating market, so it's only realistic for a small niche.
Saying a nice guy shouldn't have expectations when talking to girls is like a guy telling a girl she shouldn't have expectations when having sex with a guy.
It's easy to tell guys have to no expectations... but it's harder the other way around.
I think a woman breaking up using the phrase "you're just too nice", is politely saying she's not attracted to you. Women (most) feel obligated to be polite when letting people down, and saying "your too nice" is better than saying "you don't make me hot".
Of course some women (me) also like "manly men". Don't ask me to describe that, because it varies. I like a guys that can kick ass, even if it never comes into play, or has other "manly" skills. It's also in the personality. I wouldn't date a guy who wouldn't send back his steak, or whatever.... who never told me his opinion, or let my personality run over his (I have a strong personality), so that may be the "too nice" part.
To be perfectly clear, cause I see it comin'...... I don't not date neanderthal jerks. If a woman finds you too nice, it doesn't mean she's looking for someone to treat her bad. There's women that I find too nice, and I have no desire to be friends with them. And yet, all of my friends ARE nice (ish). /lol
Hmm...not to sound overly religious here, but the bolded part below would seem to conflict with values like "Turn the other cheek", "Love your enemies", "Love your neighbor, as yourself", "Blessed are the meek", "Do unto others...", etc. etc.
Also if a man feels he can always trust his beloved to treat him right and love him unconditionally, there is absolutely no reason in the world why he can't be expressively nice, kind, and loving, to her.
IMHO, "nice" and "manly" are not two words that are mutually-exclusive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
I think a woman breaking up using the phrase "you're just too nice", is politely saying she's not attracted to you. Women (most) feel obligated to be polite when letting people down, and saying "your too nice" is better than saying "you don't make me hot".
Of course some women (me) also like "manly men". Don't ask me to describe that, because it varies. I like a guys that can kick ass, even if it never comes into play, or has other "manly" skills. It's also in the personality. I wouldn't date a guy who wouldn't send back his steak, or whatever.... who never told me his opinion, or let my personality run over his (I have a strong personality), so that may be the "too nice" part.
To be perfectly clear, cause I see it comin'...... I don't not date neanderthal jerks. If a woman finds you too nice, it doesn't mean she's looking for someone to treat her bad. There's women that I find too nice, and I have no desire to be friends with them. And yet, all of my friends ARE nice (ish). /lol
...
To be perfectly clear, cause I see it comin'...... I don't not date neanderthal jerks...
Well darn there goes my chances again.
All the women prefer the Cro-Magnan guys. Sure they will say they are not so shallow until push comes to shove. They will say how they have been known to go out with a Neanderthal at times. But lets look at the facts. Neanderthal guys are extinct! Shows what happens when lousy women will not date your average nice Neanderthal.
Hmmmm......to the OP -Yes I have met men who don't like nice gals. When I was rather dorky when I was younger the guy I had a date with said,"Wow you look like a Librarian". And said I was too nice for him.
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Well darn there goes my chances again. 
