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If your not feeling him like that, then your not feeling him like that. You shouldn't try to force something that isn't. You'll most likely only hate him more like you were beginning too.
However, you seem like a very confused person. You said you didn't have feelings for him like that, yet you had sex with him on multiple occasions. I don't know too many friends who do this. So either you have more feelings for him than you think, or your more confused than you think. Either or, this situation can't be good. You allowed him to ruin the one relationship you had with your bf. How many others will you allow him and yourself to ruin before you come to the same conclusion. Your not feeling him. If your sister likes him so much, maybe she should date him. Maybe the real problem is that you are just never content. You keep a scapegoat close by because in all reality you are indecisive. Why can't you just be happy with one guy?
Or better yet, why can't you accept being loved? It seemed like you didn't want him (bff) and even resented him until he told you he was in love and happy with someone else. Now your contemplating ruining his relationship like he ruined yours? Only to wind up in the same place you were two years ago. You confused and still not in love. There is more to life than being in love.
Does somebody even being with somebody else even matter anymore? Are we that selfish that all we care about is ourselves. What about your bff's girlfriend. Is she just the latest casualty depending on what YOU decide.
My sister is currently engaged with the man she was dating during all of this. She meant he was good for me. She said we had a great connection and before we started fighting we were inseperable. She is right in that we understould eachother very well.
given the scenario, I would rather give advice to the bff and that advice would be runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!...you had sex with him numerous times even though you werent 'feeling' him and you had a new bf and basically cheated on him with the bff (based on the timing in your story). At the end of the day you are confused, immature a tease AND you lead him on, because if you have sex with someone who you know really likes you but you do not feel the same, that is misleading to someones heart even if you say you arent interested.
What do you think should I have given him a chance? I told hime before that if I dated him I would have likely cheated and I didn't want to hurt him.
I was involved in a similar situation when I was in college; however, I was the "bff." I had enough common sense to know that if my friend was cheating on her bf with me, she'd eventually cheat on me, so I was cool with just being a "friend with benefits." I knew that we'd always have "trust issues" if my status changed from bff to bf. After a while, I decided that I'd had enough and kicked her to the curb.
Unfortunately, my next girlfriend had to deal with some of the "baggage" that I ended up with as a result. I wasn't cool with her having any male "friends" because I knew what could happen.
So, you were right not to have given your bff a chance. It probably would've ended badly and you would've only ended up hurting each other more.
It's a little difficult for some men and women to be "just friends", unless one of them is gay or lesbian. And even then, there could still be problems. It's all a part of learning and growing up...
As for my friend, she's been married and divorced a few times because she always managed to cheat on her husbands.
My sister is currently engaged with the man she was dating during all of this. She meant he was good for me. She said we had a great connection and before we started fighting we were inseperable. She is right in that we understould eachother very well.
I know what she meant, but the point I was trying to make is that you didn't have those types of feelings for him when you spent all that time together. If they were going to appear, then they would have. They didn't. You did the right thing. Leave it alone. It seems to me that it would be a waist of time anyway seeing how he is with someone else. Unless that type of thing doesn't matter between you too. After all, it happened before.
Any relationship that starts from fraudulent behavior will most likely end that way.
You seem to have commitment issues. But that is only judging you from what you have told me. Maybe I am wrong, but relationships are too much fun for you. You have to go and complicate them. What happened to the guy you had feelings for?
This guy pulled the oldest in the book with you. Wants to be best friends forever! What kind of guy "really" wants that with a girl? He wanted to get into your pants (which he did), and ruin your past relationship with your previous boyfriend (which he did). Nothing more. This best friend connection that he convinced "you" you had. This has been happening for a very long time.
So from this vantage point, I guess I don't understand what the goal is at this point? Do you want to ruin his current relationship as a sort of payback? Which, I have to say would'nt be to bad, if it didn't effect some other innocent party.
I think you did what you did for a reason. The only reason you are second guessing yourself at this point, is because he has moved on. Now all the sudden this one time just friends with benefits now seems more intriguing. Because you can't have him.
It's a little bit of that "normal" jealousy appearing. Nothing more. I wouldn't read to much into it.
My only advice, stop cheating. Start taking relationships a little more seriously and stop having "guy friends" when you are dating someone. That is really childish, immature and disrespectful.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 05-05-2011 at 01:37 PM..
given the scenario, I would rather give advice to the bff and that advice would be runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!...you had sex with him numerous times even though you werent 'feeling' him and you had a new bf and basically cheated on him with the bff (based on the timing in your story). At the end of the day you are confused, immature a tease AND you lead him on, because if you have sex with someone who you know really likes you but you do not feel the same, that is misleading to someones heart even if you say you arent interested.
I was the 'bff' character during college. I was in a very similar situation but the woman was very manipulative so I didn't know what was going on behind my back and neither did th 'bf' character. She was my best friend years before anything happened. It was a hard lesson learned and I paid the price ten times over. Never again will I talk to her or put up with any of that.
I know what she meant, but the point I was trying to make is that you didn't have those types of feelings for him when you spent all that time together. If they were going to appear, then they would have. They didn't. You did the right thing. Leave it alone. It seems to me that it would be a waist of time anyway seeing how he is with someone else. Unless that type of thing doesn't matter between you too. After all, it happened before.
Any relationship that starts from fraudulent behavior will most likely end that way.
You seem to have commitment issues. But that is only judging you from what you have told me. Maybe I am wrong, but relationships are too much fun for you. You have to go and complicate them. What happened to the guy you had feelings for?
This guy pulled the oldest in the book with you. Wants to be best friends forever! What kind of guy "really" wants that with a girl? He wanted to get into your pants (which he did), and ruin your past relationship with your previous boyfriend (which he did). Nothing more. This best friend connection that he convinced "you" you had. This has been happening for a very long time.
So from this vantage point, I guess I don't understand what the goal is at this point? Do you want to ruin his current relationship as a sort of payback? Which, I have to say would'nt be to bad, if it didn't effect some other innocent party.
I think you did what you did for a reason. The only reason you are second guessing yourself at this point, is because he has moved on. Now all the sudden this one time just friends with benefits now seems more intriguing. Because you can't have him.
It's a little bit of that "normal" jealousy appearing. Nothing more. I wouldn't read to much into it.
My only advice, stop cheating. Start taking relationships a little more seriously and stop having "guy friends" when you are dating someone. That is really childish, immature and disrespectful.
Just to be clear. He was never trying to trick me of anything. We were very honest with each other. Blunt even. He just kept trying to convince me why we would be great together and I told him why we wouldn't. There were times when he left and told me we shouln't be friends, but I would always convince him to stay. Some days I would leave and he would do the same. I knew him to well for him to trick me. I knew what he wanted I just couldn't give it to him. He always says he wanted my heart more anything.
I just wanna add that I have no intention of ever dating him. I just missed my best friend. Back when we were still friends I considered just dating him so he can see we wouldn't work out and once he got his answer we could be friends again. Was there anyway I could keep us as best friends?
Just to be clear. He was never trying to trick me of anything. We were very honest with each other. Blunt even. He just kept trying to convince me why we would be great together and I told him why we wouldn't. There were times when he left and told me we shouln't be friends, but I would always convince him to stay. Some days I would leave and he would do the same. I knew him to well for him to trick me. I knew what he wanted I just couldn't give it to him. He always says he wanted my heart more anything.
So you were sending him mixed signals. As well as cheating on your boyfriend as well as lieing and disrespecting him. Or how through all that, you managed to lead someone on for your own benefit when you know that person really cares about you. What exactly is it you want?
Sympathy? Understanding? I don't know what your looking for. Do you want to be with him? That's all that needs to be asked. Because if you do, well that's one train wreck waiting to happen that no one can prevent. But if you don't want to be with him, simple,- move on. What is so difficult?
Are you having a hard time letting go. If you are then you should ask yourself why? Is it the friendship you missed or the non relationship? If it's the friendship, it won't work. Your too involved. If it's a relationship. That mostly won't work either.
The whole situations a mess, your better off just leaving it be...Im sure his current gf might thank you one day.
So you were sending him mixed signals. As well as cheating on your boyfriend as well as lieing and disrespecting him. Or how through all that, you managed to lead someone on for your own benefit when you know that person really cares about you. What exactly is it you want?
Sympathy? Understanding? I don't know what your looking for. Do you want to be with him? That's all that needs to be asked. Because if you do, well that's one train wreck waiting to happen that no one can prevent. But if you don't want to be with him, simple,- move on. What is so difficult?
Are you having a hard time letting go. If you are then you should ask yourself why? Is it the friendship you missed or the non relationship? If it's the friendship, it won't work. Your too involved. If it's a relationship. That mostly won't work either.
The whole situations a mess, your better off just leaving it be...Im sure his current gf might thank you one day.
I never asked him to fall in love with me. I just wanted things to stay the way they were. We were great friends and the idea of us fighting seemed impossible. Then he fell for me and the that changed. After a while yeah there were times where I wavered but the point I always made clear was that I will never see him as a boyfriend. I was in love with my prior bf before we broke up and it took me a while to get over it. My newer bf was hot and fun and even though my bff caused our break up I forgave him because I know he did it because of our fight. I know hurting me was the last thing he wants to do. He told me once that hearing me say I hate him is like getting shot in the heart. I felt bad and apologized.
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Well, then in reprospect, you did the right thing. Why would you decide to date a guy you're already likely to cheat on?
