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I think you're misunderstanding me, or perhaps I'm not being clear. We aren't joined at the hip. I do go to events where he chooses not to come, and he does go to events where I choose not to come. The occasional girls or guys night out can be a good thing. However, I think in most cases it's bad form to create an event like a party at your house and deliberately exclude spouses. Quite a few people, myself included, may decide they wouldn't come because of it. If you're okay with that, go ahead and throw the party as you choose, but be prepared that it may be seen as rude.
Oh, well, I read the word snubbed and it came off differently to me. I do agree with what you say above.
I wouldn't necessarily feel slighted, but since I am part of a married couple, if I was invited to attend that dinner and my spouse was excluded, I likely wouldn't really want to go. A dinner where he wasn't welcome isn't one that I'd enjoy. We are by no means attached at the hip, but he's the person I've chosen to spend my life with and we only get so many days and years on this earth. I'd like to spend them with him. If someone doesn't want him at that dinner, then they can't want me there that badly either. No harm, no foul, but they shouldn't get their panties in a twist if those who are part of a couple choose not to attend. Same thing with weddings where kids aren't invited. It's perfectly fine to say "no kids" because you should have what you want at your wedding and for some it's either a distraction or cost issue. But then if you do, you have absolutely no right to complain when invited guests who are parents politely decline to come.
I had a friend like this, note had. She told me her husband was her whole world and she thought I understood that. Well, we were to celebrate my birthday (this was three weeks after my dad's funeral) together and yet she had to be home by X time as her husband (who had left for the weekend according to his schedule to be with his friends) would be arriving at that time. I had hoped for ONE day to spend with my friend but that was asking too much I guess. So I guess I choose not to have friends like that. Everyone is free to make their own choices and people are free to take it or leave it. I admit I have a slight problem with people who have to spend 24/7 together.
The "party" was originally conceived as a get-together for a group who take a Spanish conversational class together. That it segued into a party where spouses are to join in is a moot point.
However, if your spouse were taking a foreign conversation course and somebody in the group decided to have a home get-together one evening just for the group, would you feel slighted at not being asked to join in? Let's say the course was in, for instance, Japanese or any language with which you were totally unfamiliar, do you really think you'd be comfortable sitting around not understanding a word of what was being said?
And this brings up a good point. I asked the organizer if the party would be in both English and Spanish or Spanish exclusively. It is then I discovered the intention was for spouses to come since they don't speak Spanish. So what my intention was (for a Spanish speaking group to get together and simply to ask whether both languages are spoken at these parties) turned into my discovering that these parties include spouses and hence both languages. IOW, I really have no say in the matter other than to just go along with the format I guess.
I wouldn't necessarily feel slighted, but since I am part of a married couple, if I was invited to attend that dinner and my spouse was excluded, I likely wouldn't really want to go. A dinner where he wasn't welcome isn't one that I'd enjoy. We are by no means attached at the hip, but he's the person I've chosen to spend my life with and we only get so many days and years on this earth. I'd like to spend them with him. If someone doesn't want him at that dinner, then they can't want me there that badly either. No harm, no foul, but they shouldn't get their panties in a twist if those who are part of a couple choose not to attend. Same thing with weddings where kids aren't invited. It's perfectly fine to say "no kids" because you should have what you want at your wedding and for some it's either a distraction or cost issue. But then if you do, you have absolutely no right to complain when invited guests who are parents politely decline to come.
I think you're being just a little dogmatic and a "no kids" wedding invitation really doesn't enter the realm of this particular discussion IMHO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092
And this brings up a good point. I asked the organizer if the party would be in both English and Spanish or Spanish exclusively. It is then I discovered the intention was for spouses to come since they don't speak Spanish. So what my intention was (for a Spanish speaking group to get together and simply to ask whether both languages are spoken at these parties) turned into my discovering that these parties include spouses and hence both languages. IOW, I really have no say in the matter other than to just go along with the format I guess.
Sounds so! The format was predetermined, you didn't know that and look what you got yourself into! Since there have obviously been precedents set where these get-togethers are concerned, talk to the organizer and ask exactly how things work. You provide the space, does everyone bring something to eat, drink, what are your obligations, etc. Since you've never done this before ASK what's expected of you baseline and go from there.
I've done these sorts of parties for YEARS as a single so, once you know what's expected of you and you need some hints, feel free to DM me. I believe this is the first time I've ever offered advice outside of the forum but this could segue into a party-planning discussion rather removed from "relationships" so note the offer for what it's worth. Cheers!
Sounds so! The format was predetermined, you didn't know that and look what you got yourself into! Since there have obviously been precedents set where these get-togethers are concerned, talk to the organizer and ask exactly how things work. You provide the space, does everyone bring something to eat, drink, what are your obligations, etc. Since you've never done this before ASK what's expected of you baseline and go from there.
I've done these sorts of parties for YEARS as a single so, once you know what's expected of you and you need some hints, feel free to DM me. I believe this is the first time I've ever offered advice outside of the forum but this could segue into a party-planning discussion rather removed from "relationships" so note the offer for what it's worth. Cheers!
Thanks for the offer! I just may do that. However....there is this teeny voice inside of me wondering why I can't have the party I want, rather than the party they want. I am going to have to process this for a bit...
Thanks for the offer! I just may do that. However....there is this teeny voice inside of me wondering why I can't have the party I want, rather than the party they want. I am going to have to process this for a bit...
You can have the party you want. You just have to be prepared to deal with the repercussions of how others may feel about it. Some may not come if spouses aren't invited, but not care beyond that. Others may be a little offended. Others may come and have a good time.
If it was me and this group had held parties before and this was the standard way it was done, I might just try it that way and not rock the boat. But, again, it is your party you are free to throw as you like so long as you are aware people are also free to react as they'd like.
You can have the party you want. You just have to be prepared to deal with the repercussions of how others may feel about it. Some may not come if spouses aren't invited, but not care beyond that. Others may be a little offended. Others may come and have a good time.
If it was me and this group had held parties before and this was the standard way it was done, I might just try it that way and not rock the boat. But, again, it is your party you are free to throw as you like so long as you are aware people are also free to react as they'd like.
Yes, my thoughts exactly. I may just do a breakfast or brunch or lunch instead, in which case it will just be the group and not a formal party and so the spouse thing should not be an issue. That way, no one gets offended and I still get to have a function that is a bit out of the norm and the spouses get their Saturday night together.
Thanks for the offer! I just may do that. However....there is this teeny voice inside of me wondering why I can't have the party I want, rather than the party they want. I am going to have to process this for a bit...
Forget the teeny voice. You extended an invitation without knowing what was involved and now you have to deal with it. And you can do it. If at some time in the future you want to have an exclusive get-together where ONLY the group will be invited and ONLY Spanish will be spoken, that's fine and perfectly acceptable. They got the jump on you on this one.
On the other hand, the organizer still hasn't officially sent out an invitation and nothing has been written in stone. Maybe you should simply contact the organizer and say, "I'm sorry but I didn't think this out properly. Can we get together some time to talk about something I'd like to do with a smaller group?"
You do have choices. As much as I'm being a bit facetious, the banquet hall hasn't been booked, the flowers haven't been ordered, the caterers haven't been even approached, the booze is still just a to-do list along with the mixers ...
Where's the rub? If you can't do it then simply admit you can't do it. No shame in that at all. Good luck!
Forget the teeny voice. You extended an invitation without knowing what was involved and now you have to deal with it. And you can do it. If at some time in the future you want to have an exclusive get-together where ONLY the group will be invited and ONLY Spanish will be spoken, that's fine and perfectly acceptable. They got the jump on you on this one.
On the other hand, the organizer still hasn't officially sent out an invitation and nothing has been written in stone. Maybe you should simply contact the organizer and say, "I'm sorry but I didn't think this out properly. Can we get together some time to talk about something I'd like to do with a smaller group?"
You do have choices. As much as I'm being a bit facetious, the banquet hall hasn't been booked, the flowers haven't been ordered, the caterers haven't been even approached, the booze is still just a to-do list along with the mixers ...
Where's the rub? If you can't do it then simply admit you can't do it. No shame in that at all. Good luck!
You must have missed my post. I am now thinking breakfast, brunch or lunch, as I stated above. It'll still accomplish the goal, just at a different time of day. I'll still have to plan, cook, clean, etc - just for the group and no one's feelings get hurt.
Only tricky part will be how to retract the idea of a night party for a day function, but I'll figure something out. But I do like the way you stated your quotation above!
Yes, my thoughts exactly. I may just do a breakfast or brunch or lunch instead, in which case it will just be the group and not a formal party and so the spouse thing should not be an issue. That way, no one gets offended and I still get to have a function that is a bit out of the norm and the spouses get their Saturday night together.
How would that be different, exactly? Would the brunch then be held at the time the group normally holds class? Maybe like a class, but in your house?
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