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A guy led me on while thinking about getting back with his ex. He kept saying they were friends til they'd officially gotten back together. I know he didn't plan it and didn't do it to be mean to me, although it was a jerk move. When we talked about it he lied and told me he liked me, but sometimes wondered how I felt and that's why he got back with his ex. He completely twisted the truth around because he knew how I felt about him. He just made up an excuse to go back to her. They're still together a month later and she lives 2 hours away from us.
He's being really nice to me and offering to do things for me. He still teases me and we joke around. He waits for me after class and always wants to hang out. He really wants to be friends. I'm confused because if he's truly sorry, we could maybe be friends, but I don't think I'd ever be okay with seeing him with his gf because seeing pictures of them together is hard enough and I think "you gave up on me to be with her."
Some of the things he's doing now don't seem right since he has a gf. For instance, we used to go to lunch after class twice a week. He'd pay for me because I helped him w/ papers for class. That was how he payed me back. This past month since he got back with his ex, I've been making excuses. But I think he's catching on that I'm lying about being busy. The last time he asked me to go he wouldn't let me say no. I kept saying I needed to run errands and he kept saying lunch would only take half an hour. I went figuring it'd be the last time, but he said "so I'll just keep buying you lunch to pay you back?" I changed the subject, but he thinks we're still hanging out like before. Also, after lunch we used to go to his house, lay on his bed, and watch movies. He still wants me to come over, but I don't think that's appropriate considering he has a girlfriend.
Another thing is he's having a 19th b-day party and he really wants me to come. I told him I wasn't sure and he kept asking over and over if I'd come. I have no clue if his gf is coming and I didn't ask him.
I can't tell if he's trying to make it up to me now because he genuinely feels bad or if he just wants to clear his conscience because he told me before, he has a guilty conscience about things. It's like he thinks it's okay for us to keep hanging out like this as long as nothing happens. I doubt he'd tell his gf if he was taking another girl out to eat and then to his house. He told me she doesn't trust him and he doesn't know why.
So, this is what I know for a fact: it bothers him that I'm not giving him my full attention anymore or hanging out with him whenever he asks and he values my opinion.
What I don't know: whether he truly feels bad about what he did or if he just wants to clear his conscience.
I need to tell him why I'm distancing myself without making the rest of the school year awkward. We get along great in class and have fun together. I don't wanna make it so we're sitting there not talking. We still have to see each other 2 days a week and we sit by each other in every class. I need him to know I know he was lying about not knowing how I felt about him. He needs to know why I'm not going to lunch with him or going to his house after school. I need to let him know why it can't go back to the way it was before. I'm not sure he knows just how much he hurt me.
So, what would be a nice way of telling him he's not the guy I thought he was, that I know he lied to me, and that I'm trying to distance myself from him? I'm terrified if I say anything that things are going to get awkward.
Or should I just let it go and hang out with him? Because, honestly, as much as I hate to say it, I still really like hanging out with him.
Also, anything else you can add about anything else I said would be greatly appreciated!!
A guy led me on while thinking about getting back with his ex. He kept saying they were friends til they'd officially gotten back together. I know he didn't plan it and didn't do it to be mean to me, although it was a jerk move. When we talked about it he lied and told me he liked me, but sometimes wondered how I felt and that's why he got back with his ex. He completely twisted the truth around because he knew how I felt about him. He just made up an excuse to go back to her. They're still together a month later and she lives 2 hours away from us.
He's being really nice to me and offering to do things for me. He still teases me and we joke around. He waits for me after class and always wants to hang out. He really wants to be friends. I'm confused because if he's truly sorry, we could maybe be friends, but I don't think I'd ever be okay with seeing him with his gf because seeing pictures of them together is hard enough and I think "you gave up on me to be with her."
Some of the things he's doing now don't seem right since he has a gf. For instance, we used to go to lunch after class twice a week. He'd pay for me because I helped him w/ papers for class. That was how he payed me back. This past month since he got back with his ex, I've been making excuses. But I think he's catching on that I'm lying about being busy. The last time he asked me to go he wouldn't let me say no. I kept saying I needed to run errands and he kept saying lunch would only take half an hour. I went figuring it'd be the last time, but he said "so I'll just keep buying you lunch to pay you back?" I changed the subject, but he thinks we're still hanging out like before. Also, after lunch we used to go to his house, lay on his bed, and watch movies. He still wants me to come over, but I don't think that's appropriate considering he has a girlfriend.
Another thing is he's having a 19th b-day party and he really wants me to come. I told him I wasn't sure and he kept asking over and over if I'd come. I have no clue if his gf is coming and I didn't ask him.
I can't tell if he's trying to make it up to me now because he genuinely feels bad or if he just wants to clear his conscience because he told me before, he has a guilty conscience about things. It's like he thinks it's okay for us to keep hanging out like this as long as nothing happens. I doubt he'd tell his gf if he was taking another girl out to eat and then to his house. He told me she doesn't trust him and he doesn't know why.
So, this is what I know for a fact: it bothers him that I'm not giving him my full attention anymore or hanging out with him whenever he asks and he values my opinion.
What I don't know: whether he truly feels bad about what he did or if he just wants to clear his conscience.
I need to tell him why I'm distancing myself without making the rest of the school year awkward. We get along great in class and have fun together. I don't wanna make it so we're sitting there not talking. We still have to see each other 2 days a week and we sit by each other in every class. I need him to know I know he was lying about not knowing how I felt about him. He needs to know why I'm not going to lunch with him or going to his house after school. I need to let him know why it can't go back to the way it was before. I'm not sure he knows just how much he hurt me.
So, what would be a nice way of telling him he's not the guy I thought he was, that I know he lied to me, and that I'm trying to distance myself from him? I'm terrified if I say anything that things are going to get awkward.
Or should I just let it go and hang out with him? Because, honestly, as much as I hate to say it, I still really like hanging out with him.
Also, anything else you can add about anything else I said would be greatly appreciated!!
I think it might have something to do with her being 2hrs away...Since she's not there-- and you are-- you're kind of like a fill in. Only you don't reap the rewards of a girlfriend. It sounds like he's monopolizing your time, honestly.
If you feel the need to step back, then just do it. You don't have to explain yourself to the point of making things awkward, but if I were you I would probably try finding some other things to do until you can accept him having a gf. It doesn't mean you can't talk to him or be friends, but creating a little distance will open yourself up to potentially finding a bf of your own.
But you know, what is good for the goose is good for the gander.....so find yourself another 'boy' as friend and see what happens. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. And relax. You're still young. In 5 years time you will look back on all of this and wonder what you worried about.
For me, Im the type that just needs to explain myself. I need closure...whatever. Plus, people arent mind readers, and will not know how you really feel unless you say it.
I would take the opportunity on the next lunch date to tell him, to the point, how you feel. Dont beat around the bush. Just say it, and get it over with. Then, let that be the last lunch date you have with him. (because you do need to make it clear that you guys cannot hang out together)
Now, you dont have to mean mean or nasty about this. Just be firm and tell him how you feel. And that because of those things, and the fact that he now has a GF, it is not appropriate, nor does it help your emotional well being, to hang out with it him.
SummerFall's right Ashleym2....You have to consider what YOU want in life....there's nothing awkward about not wanting to share someone you care about with someone else....I wouldn't want to share either....the fact that he told you his gf "doesn't trust him, and he doesn't know why"..is the big red flag that should alert you to realize that you could only expect the same if you were with him....he's being very dishonest to his currant girlfriend and to you...and then pleading ignorance for his very poor behaviour...is that something you want to be a part of?...
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