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We both started at the same temp job a couple of months ago, and off the bat I felt like we clicked well due to our similar situations (college grads still paying our dues). While things occasionally turned awkward between me and her (mostly because of my innate awkwardness and anxiety ), we've gotten along well as the weeks went by. Eventually I asked her out to lunch, and we mutually agreed that we had a great time afterwards. It was then that I began falling for her, but being conscious of the fact that we're co-workers and work in a VERY small space, I wracked my head wondering if, and how I should approach her for a date. It got to the point where I over-analyzed every little convo or interaction I had with her, worrying whether I came off as too awkward, pushy, clingy and whatnot.
I played it safe and asked if I could keep in touch with her via social media and not phone. Seeing as we both have common names, we've been unable to find each other, though I feel like there's some indifference on her part. After a hiatus, we went out to lunch again a couple of days ago. I felt it didn't go as well as the first time due to my horrible dining etiquette (let her choose the lunch we split money for, didn't offer to pay the tip ). Later on, she brought up having a boyfriend when I tried to take our convo to a more personal level, which of course was a buzzkiller. I'm certain being so passive and uncouth during our lunch didn't help matters either.
I walked with her a bit after work to give her my number, but noted she was feeling uncomfortable and wanted to leave work alone, so we parted ways after I gave it to her.
While I don't think she'll cut all ties with me, I anticipate she'll be keeping her distance from me after what happened, so I'll be doing the same.
I'd still like to keep in touch with her somehow, as she's a really sweet person who's offered me good career advice and well, is just great to talk to. Going forward, should I:
- keep it friendly with her yet dial it down, realizing that there's little to no hope of a romantic relationship?
- spill my guts, admit that I caught feelings for her, that my awkwardness was a well-intentioned, yet weird way of getting closer to her, and if she's still cool with being friends?
- cut ties with her completely?
- Stop overthinking about this situation, **** and let it ride out?
You should have been up front with her right off the bat & went for it if you fancied with her regardless of whether you worked with her or not. Your right in that being so passive & messing around has got you in the situation your in. Whether she has a boyfriend or not is negligible - she could just be saying that because she's uncomfortable.
Where you say you'd still like to keep in touch with her, I hope this isn't because you like her and your hoping things would change because this is dangerous. You can easily keep in touch with her - at work when you see her. I'd wade off any outside of work activities.
Stop overthinking it and get on with it. Forget about fancying her, I'd also give a miss to trying to be closer friends with her (for the time being). Just treat her as someone you work with, and be polite to her.
You have a lot to learn about women and how to play the game.
If you continue the path that you are on, things are going to turn out really bad for you and only you.
Trust me on that. You've committed just about every no-no in the book. You guys went out to a work lunch and you both had a good time? I cringed man, I cringed.
If you want further advice, I'm sure the men of CD can elaborate, but to put things simply, you cannot put women on a pedestal like that. You have to treat it as a numbers game. Especially guys like you.
You should have been up front with her right off the bat & went for it if you fancied with her regardless of whether you worked with her or not. Your right in that being so passive & messing around has got you in the situation your in. Whether she has a boyfriend or not is negligible - she could just be saying that because she's uncomfortable.
Where you say you'd still like to keep in touch with her, I hope this isn't because you like her and your hoping things would change because this is dangerous. You can easily keep in touch with her - at work when you see her. I'd wade off any outside of work activities.
Stop overthinking it and get on with it. Forget about fancying her, I'd also give a miss to trying to be closer friends with her (for the time being). Just treat her as someone you work with, and be polite to her.
Yes on every point.
Don't pursue any further and make the ditch any bigger.
Where you say you'd still like to keep in touch with her, I hope this isn't because you like her and your hoping things would change because this is dangerous. You can easily keep in touch with her - at work when you see her. I'd wade off any outside of work activities.
Yes, this did cross my mind. After how I bungled things up, and with her establishing a boundary, I doubt that things will change going forward. But because I had gotten along well with her otherwise, I'd still like to keep in touch with her on social media after we finish our temp assignment. If she's not cool with that then yeah, gotta cut ties.
Quote:
If you continue the path that you are on, things are going to turn out really bad for you and only you.
Yes, this did cross my mind. After how I bungled things up, and with her establishing a boundary, I doubt that things will change going forward. .
Not necessarily. I'm in a somewhat similar situation. A man started working in my office in July, and I've had a BF for a year and a half, so when he started asking me to lunch, I made sure to mention that I had a BF so things weren't misconstrued. However, my relationship was on its last legs, and just recently ended. I've been developing feelings for my coworker, and now that I'm single, would like to date him...but unfortunately I think that ship might have sailed, and he's no longer interested. But moral of the story is, just because she mentions a BF doesn't mean that you might not be a viable catch should that relationship end.
Not necessarily. I'm in a somewhat similar situation. A man started working in my office in July, and I've had a BF for a year and a half, so when he started asking me to lunch, I made sure to mention that I had a BF so things weren't misconstrued. However, my relationship was on its last legs, and just recently ended. I've been developing feelings for my coworker, and now that I'm single, would like to date him...but unfortunately I think that ship might have sailed, and he's no longer interested. But moral of the story is, just because she mentions a BF doesn't mean that you might not be a viable catch should that relationship end.
Now try to think outside of your own personal interests for a second. While your scenario is very plausible, imagine if noone ever took having a gf or bf as a no. Now before the PUAs jump in and protest, just think about that world for a minute. If you ever landed an awesome guy, I hope you are good at keeping him since in this world, noone will respect the boundaries of commitment.
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), we've gotten along well as the weeks went by. Eventually I asked her out to lunch, and we mutually agreed that we had a great time afterwards. It was then that I began falling for her, but being conscious of the fact that we're co-workers and work in a VERY small space, I wracked my head wondering if, and how I should approach her for a date. It got to the point where I over-analyzed every little convo or interaction I had with her, worrying whether I came off as too awkward, pushy, clingy and whatnot.
