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There have been many times where I have observed C-D users mentioning not being particularly fond of romantic partners they had described as "needy" or "clingy" -- but also at the same time, not defining in any concrete terms, exactly what they meant by those words
So, I looked up the word "needy" on wikipedia. Wikipedia defines "needy" as:
Quote:
Codependency, a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life
Reading the wikipedia article on codependency, was at least somewhat fascinating to me. The reason why is, I don't think I quite understand myself, why there is such of a consistent "negative emphasis", on the concept of neediness in general -- all I can personally gather is that people who are "needy", perhaps have a little more of a need to "feel loved", than say non-needy ppl. But why is it the equivalent of such a "mortal sin", when it comes to relationship desirability?
Agree with the definition, as presented above in the quoted section? Disagree? Why or why not?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 02-10-2011 at 11:31 AM..
Reason: Corrected hyperlink
Agree to quoted section about needy because to me that is what a needy person description to me is overly excessively clinging to someone. Not a good or healthy trait in not only any relationship but especially a romantic one.
"Overly passive or excessively caretaking ways" ... while "overly" and "excessively" are subjective, I think this definition is accurate. The subjective nature of these words means that they will vary by person.
Needy and clingy behavior, to me, connotes a puppy following me around. Love me love me love me love me love me! Do you love me? I miss you! Do you miss me? Do you love me? I love you! I love you! You haven't talked to me in five minutes--are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Do you still love me? Love me love me love me!
I think needliness implies nonspecific needs so rooted in insecurity that they can never be met by a partner. The needy or clingy person is never satisfied; they are like a bottomless pit and this drags the relationship down.
But why is it the equivalent of such a "mortal sin", when it comes to relationship desirability?
Agree with the definition, as presented above in the quoted section? Disagree? Why or why not?
Being "needy", to me at least, means that person is in constant need of reassurance that they are loved/liked/desired/wanted...whatever the situation. And if a person feels that way, they would seem to be extremely insecure and maladjusted. It's a drain on the other person to have to constantly reassure someone of things that are already clearly understood, by most. It can absolutely kill a relationship. I say "can"...not that it always does. Some people, if they are more of a dependent type, are perfectly content with this behavior in a spouse or partner. And that's fine.
"Overly passive or excessively caretaking ways" ... while "overly" and "excessively" are subjective, I think this definition is accurate. The subjective nature of these words means that they will vary by person.
Needy and clingy behavior, to me, connotes a puppy following me around. Love me love me love me love me love me! Do you love me? I miss you! Do you miss me? Do you love me? I love you! I love you! You haven't talked to me in five minutes--are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Do you still love me? Love me love me love me!
Great definition Julia! That definitely helped me understand the whole idea better, in more concrete terms
(I tried to rep you, but got the "you gotta spread the rep" msg )
"Overly passive or excessively caretaking ways" ... while "overly" and "excessively" are subjective, I think this definition is accurate. The subjective nature of these words means that they will vary by person.
Needy and clingy behavior, to me, connotes a puppy following me around. Love me love me love me love me love me! Do you love me? I miss you! Do you miss me? Do you love me? I love you! I love you! You haven't talked to me in five minutes--are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Do you still love me? Love me love me love me!
Being "needy", to me at least, means that person is in constant need of reassurance that they are loved/liked/desired/wanted...whatever the situation. And if a person feels that way, they would seem to be extremely insecure and maladjusted. It's a drain on the other person to have to constantly reassure someone of things that are already clearly understood, by most. It can absolutely kill a relationship. I say "can"...not that it always does. Some people, if they are more of a dependent type, are perfectly content with this behavior in a spouse or partner. And that's fine.
Thx for your insightful comments ChessieMom...thx also to zentropa and donie.
Now things are making a lil more sense to me, when ppl had mentioned not being attacted, to "needy" individuals, b/4!
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