Anyone have a best friend of the opposite sex and it's truely platonic? (woman, love)
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To TheViking, out of curiosity, since you've been on the opposite end of this...
If YOU were the one to propose intimacy and/or deepening the relationship to evolve into the romantic with a female friend, and she turned you down, would you choose to continue the friendship, knowing that that wasn't in the cards (as has apparently happened to you when the roles were reveresed?)
And, does this sort of thing make it a truly platonic friendship (where there is no sexual attraction between parties), or just an uneven friendship, where one person would gladly see it turn to a romantic relationship, but will accept it if that's not going to happen, and one who has no interest in that at all.
I'm just not sure I'd categorize a friendship where one is attracted and the other isn't as a truly platonic friendship. To me, that seems more like a pining, unrequited-type situation where one party is settling for something less than they'd prefer, and not so much a true friendship.
To answer your question: Yes. This has happened (where I've proposed sex or more to a female friend and I've been rejected), and it obviously depends on the friendship whether or not it's worth continuing it, most importantly, whether the friendship was initiated in the hopes of more or if the friendship came first and the wish for more developed later.
In my case(s), I've continued the friendship upon rejection and this hasn't caused any issues down the road. In some cases, one could possibly argue that the friendships have grown closer, as any possible tension is deflated with the rejection.
I have also been in a situation where a female friend who were in a relationship proposed sex, I turned it down, only to have my morals falter at a later state (hey, nobody is perfect right? ) and accept, and have the girl decline because she came to her senses. This is something we joked about several times after it happened, with no hurt feelings by either parties, and both of us agreeing that in the long run, it all happened for the better.
I agree that it might be difficult to maintain a friendship where a one sided, strong attraction remains. In my experience, sexual attractions are rarely in this category, I do agree that men or women should avoid contact with friends in committed relationships whom they experience a persisting very strong sexual attraction to, that they struggle not to act on. ...More for their own sanities sake than anything else.
In my experience, romantic feelings die down with time after a rejection, and even as they persist, one can defuse the situation a lot by being open and talking about it, which kind of removes the possibility of "dreaming".
I realize I'm a pretty straight forward kind of guy, and it's not as easy for everyone to deal with things as head on as this, but it is possible, and in my experience at least, there is no problems maintaining a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, even if there is or have been a romantic or sexual attraction.
If the person with the attraction is unable to let go of those feelings though, and they become a destructive force, I believe it's in that persons best interest to back away from the friendship temporarily or permanently. But other than that, I've never had a problem with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by West of Encino
In regards to heterosexual couples, having friends of the opposite sex is dangerous. And if a man has too many female friends, he'll think from their perspective and turn against his own gender.
Why is it dangerous? My wife has predominantly male friends (in fact she only has two very close female friends), and the majority of them, I have no problems with. I don't have a problem with her spending time with them, either with or without my company. I love her, she loves me, and I'm confident she wouldn't do anything foolish, if I feared it could happen, I would bring it up with her.
Equally, I have several close female friends, and my wife does not have any problem with that.
As far as "turning against his gender", that's the biggest load of bull I've heard in a while. We're not at war, and I'm perfectly comfortable with my gender and sexuality and agree with whatever perspective makes sense.
it obviously depends on the friendship whether or not it's worth continuing it, most importantly, whether the friendship was initiated in the hopes of more or if the friendship came first and the wish for more developed later.
See, I just feel like this is a disingenuous move...it's not really sincerely initiating a friendship when this happens, it's just a ploy...kind of a backdoor way to hit on somebody. I see why it exists, but I don't think it's particularly straightforwarded to bill such a thing as a friendship...it becoming a friendship if the effort fails is really kind of just a byproduct of a failed attempt at propositioning somebody.
In regards to heterosexual couples, having friends of the opposite sex is dangerous. And if a man has too many female friends, he'll think from their perspective and turn against his own gender.
LOL! Laughably inaccurate.
It doesn't take an Einstein to figure out half the world is the opposite gender to what you are. Anyone so obtuse or inept as to limit themselves to only having friends with a possible 50% of the population is not someone who is very evolved.
I prefer men to women, I always have since I was a little girl. All my close friends throughout my life have been men. It's never been "dangerous" to me. I've happily married and been with the same man since we were both 15 years old. He also has many female friends. Secure marriages have no issue with friendships of the opposite sex.
I can't imagine the infantile, immature, jealous or insulated mindset that would think opposite-gender friendships are "dangerous." Truly hilarious... and sad.
It doesn't take an Einstein to figure out half the world is the opposite gender to what you are. Anyone so obtuse or inept as to limit themselves to only having friends with a possible 50% of the population is not someone who is very evolved.
I prefer men to women, I always have since I was a little girl. All my close friends throughout my life have been men. It's never been "dangerous" to me. I've happily married and been with the same man since we were both 15 years old. He also has many female friends. Secure marriages have no issue with friendships of the opposite sex.
I can't imagine the infantile, immature, jealous or insulated mindset that would think opposite-gender friendships are "dangerous." Truly hilarious... and sad.
Men and women can cross the gender boundaries when they have the mindset of getting to know each other and eventually marry.
If there was gender segregation, there would be less infidelities and divorces.
See, I just feel like this is a disingenuous move...it's not really sincerely initiating a friendship when this happens, it's just a ploy...kind of a backdoor way to hit on somebody. I see why it exists, but I don't think it's particularly straightforwarded to bill such a thing as a friendship...it becoming a friendship if the effort fails is really kind of just a byproduct of a failed attempt at propositioning somebody.
I thought that was partially what I said.
Like I said, whether or not one continues a friendship after rejection depends on whether or not there is a basis for it. In cases where a friendship was established purely as a "means to an end", there probably won't be such a foundation to continue a friendship on.
I don't think that speaks against anything else I wrote in my post though.
To TheViking, out of curiosity, since you've been on the opposite end of this...
If YOU were the one to propose intimacy and/or deepening the relationship to evolve into the romantic with a female friend, and she turned you down, would you choose to continue the friendship, knowing that that wasn't in the cards (as has apparently happened to you when the roles were reveresed?)
And, does this sort of thing make it a truly platonic friendship (where there is no sexual attraction between parties), or just an uneven friendship, where one person would gladly see it turn to a romantic relationship, but will accept it if that's not going to happen, and one who has no interest in that at all.
I'm just not sure I'd categorize a friendship where one is attracted and the other isn't as a truly platonic friendship. To me, that seems more like a pining, unrequited-type situation where one party is settling for something less than they'd prefer, and not so much a true friendship.
Uneven friendships happen all the time. The problem is a lot of the time the person who sees it as a platonic relationship isn't aware of it. Yes it can be done, but there are occasions where one person in the friendship is being tormented and struggling to keep control so they can keep up appearances. There's also the occasional "trickster" who's goal was always to start a relationship but chooses to stay friends and wait for an opportunity. This type of person can wait a long time or sometimes just loses patience and leaves.
None what so-ever. I don't believe in opposite-sex friendships. It's dangerous for heterosexual couples.
This. I don't think it's natural to be that close with the opposite sex and NOT be attracted to eachother.
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) and accept, and have the girl decline because she came to her senses. This is something we joked about several times after it happened, with no hurt feelings by either parties, and both of us agreeing that in the long run, it all happened for the better.
