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Being soft spoken or outspoken is not directly correlated with how confident a person is. Actions are ultimately what's important.
Totally agree. And it was actions that I was thinking of, for example in parenting styles: coddling vs. tough love, to note two extreme examples.
There are different versions of "soft" and "hard" as well. I don't think one can generalize.
When I first read the post I associated "soft" with the kind of person who is not direct...who waffles around the bush. I associated "hard" with a military type: clear, direct, no candy coating. I find the latter to be more respectful. It suggests that "hey-we're both rational clear thinking people here".
Some people can be just as hard or soft as a situation demands. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Exactly.
My understanding of hard-edge is that I am not going to change for anybody or apologize for who I am. My understanding of being a softie is that I will apologize for hurting feelings even when done unintentionally, offer a short explanation and hope they take it at face value. It is not my problem if they don't. I will, however, try to improve my behavior if I think it is pushing people away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevo6
Totally agree. And it was actions that I was thinking of, for example in parenting styles: coddling vs. tough love, to note two extreme examples.
There are different versions of "soft" and "hard" as well. I don't think one can generalize.
When I first read the post I associated "soft" with the kind of person who is not direct...who waffles around the bush. I associated "hard" with a military type: clear, direct, no candy coating. I find the latter to be more respectful. It suggests that "hey-we're both rational clear thinking people here".
If coddling and tough love are extremes, then one is not better than the other. Do you equate tough love with military type attitudes because it seems you give that attitude more respect?
If coddling and tough love are extremes, then one is not better than the other. Do you equate tough love with military type attitudes because it seems you give that attitude more respect?
No, I do not equate the two. Tough lough is just one type of "hard edged" behavior. Tough love is appropriate sometimes and not appropriate other times.
When I say military - I mean like the way our young men and women in the service behave. Have you ever met a West Point cadet? You always get a firm handshake, direct eye contact, clear and concise statements, respect and intelligence. I like that, and I think of that as another kind of "hard edged" behavior as well (as opposed to soft).
Interesting thread. I have wondered the same thing, and how people fit within the spectrum of personality.
I have an edge in that I if someone is rude, i will put them back in place..I'm also good at detecting negative body language or double-meanings, so I tend to be a little ultra-sensitive to situations that could lead to confrontations.
I think alot of this has to do with personality-type. But environment and life experiences (life situations), etc etc have alot to do with it too...do you wonder why certain parts of the world (Eastern Europe/ Middle East etc) tend to just have more aggressive/ hard-edged people than other places? So that shows environment also plays a huge role.
Oh and stress plays a role too. I know when I'm stressed I get more snippy...so that is something I have to watch.
The thing is, I have the Softest spot for (non-predatory) animals. Because they don't have the malice alot of humans do!
well, some people appear to be "softies" when they're actually just passive-aggressive, sometimes deeply so.
For instance, if you ever hear a woman say "Bless her heart,..." brace yourself, because the statement to follow is going to be something really evil.
Other statements that are "softie" and passive-aggressive:
"No offense, but...."
"Don't take this personally, but..."
Or the mean comment followed by "I was just kidding" or "Can't you take a joke?"
Some people are cruel to be kind, others are kind to be cruel.
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