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We have been living apart now for 10 months.
Haven't got a divorce yet but have talked about it.
Wife tells me: It's not cheating if no one cares.
She knew I would care and yet she slept with someone.
She feels that she didn't cheat.
How can her night with this man not be cheating knowing that I would care.
We were married for 30 years before she left.
My live is so messed up.
And trying to deal with all this has been very stressfull.
Thanks
I'm very sorry, 30 years is a very long time to be married.
It appears she's not interested in reconciling and even if you did, her indiscretion would always be a hurtful subject.
I think preparations for a divorce may help you come to accept the finality of your marriage so you can make some steps towards moving on with your life.
Sounds like you guys weren't on the same page here. At this stage it doesn't matter if it was cheating or not, you're the only one holding on. She has already moved on.
Technically yes it is cheating as your are still married and you should be sure to mention that when you do file for divorce. Make sure the judge, courts whom ever knows. It will help your case.
Having said that.... If I were separated from someone for 10 months, living apart etc I would find someone new to sleep with too... I wouldn't rub it in the other persons face but that's just me.
It's time to make it official and get divorced. I don't know what agreements you had made about your lives being separated and whether seeing other people was discussed (I suspect it wasn't) but she obviously doesn't care about the emotional pain she's put you through so you need to move on to a new life just as she has done.
It's time to make it official and get divorced. I don't know what agreements you had made about your lives being separated and whether seeing other people was discussed (I suspect it wasn't) but she obviously doesn't care about the emotional pain she's put you through so you need to move on to a new life just as she has done.
I agree.
From what you posted my reaction to this individual is 'how tacky'. You don't need to waste another minute caring about someone like that.
Cheating only in a legal sense that if you have not outlined in your property settlement agreement that neither shall annoy, harass, harangue or intrude upon each other, you could possibly get her on adultery in your divorce case, depending on your state's laws.
However, my own thought is that once a couple is separated, no, it is not cheating. You are not living as husband and wife. It seems to me that your marriage is over in all but the state records.
It's cheating because you're still married and have only talked about divorcing. But unfortunately, with her not caring, she's not seeing it as cheating and she's not realizing the obvious negative toll it's taken on you.
Whenever people have screwed me over in the past, I've used a certain mantra to get by: "Living well is the best revenge." If she's going to be doing this to you, don't just sit back and let her ruin your life and hurt you. Go out and enjoy life and meet people. You need to realize that what she's doing is very bad for your well-being, especially if you let it get bad.
When I went through a similar situation... YES indeed it turns your world upside down... you won't sleep, you'll pace... you will have a hard time eating or you'll go the other way and eat bad junk... I found this website and you will get all the comfort and GREAT advice you can read. You have to create an account like CD but this website helped me SO much... give it a try... I believe now that my ex did the best thing he could have ever done... gave me my freedom. Believe it or not... you will get to where I'm at... divorce360.com | divorce advice, news, blogs and community
We have been living apart now for 10 months.
Haven't got a divorce yet but have talked about it.
Wife tells me: It's not cheating if no one cares.
She knew I would care and yet she slept with someone.
She feels that she didn't cheat.
How can her night with this man not be cheating knowing that I would care.
We were married for 30 years before she left.
My live is so messed up.
And trying to deal with all this has been very stressfull.
Thanks
In my book, it's cheating because the marriage hasn't ended but I'm in the minority here. My husband was with someone else while we were separated but we later reconciled. It creates real issues when that happens.
We have been living apart now for 10 months.
Haven't got a divorce yet but have talked about it.
Wife tells me: It's not cheating if no one cares.
She knew I would care and yet she slept with someone.
She feels that she didn't cheat.
How can her night with this man not be cheating knowing that I would care.
We were married for 30 years before she left.
My live is so messed up.
And trying to deal with all this has been very stressfull.
Thanks
It sounds to me like she was trying to tell you she really didn't think you cared about her anymore.
What did you possibly do to give her the feeling you didn't care?
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