Why can't I get over the fear of heartbreak? (how to, married, women)
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I finally met someone I like and I'm already afraid he's gonna break/shatter my heart. I don't know if I'm just being delusional, as he hasn't shown any sign that he's going to hurt me or anything, or if I'm just afraid of the inevitable: most relationships come to an end. I also made the mistake of sleeping with him 2 days after knowing him (we spent all weekend and yesterday together), though we knew of each other for a while, as we met through friends. He hasn't done anything wrong, is very affectionate, keeps in contact and so on. I'm just afraid that because I slept with him so soon, that is why my thoughts are extremely clouded, but I don't know how to do damage control over what I'm feeling right now. Its really freaking me out to the point that I don't want to see him in case it shows.
Last time I had my heart broken, I was afraid the grief would kill me off. Its the most devastating feeling in the world, next to maybe cancer. I'm deathly afraid of winding up falling for someone again who, like my ex, won't reciprocate.
Should I just space myself from him? My birthday is this weekend, and I really wanted to see him, but I'm thinking I should pace myself there.
I finally met someone I like and I'm already afraid he's gonna break/shatter my heart. I don't know if I'm just being delusional, as he hasn't shown any sign that he's going to hurt me or anything, or if I'm just afraid of the inevitable: most relationships come to an end. I also made the mistake of sleeping with him 2 days after knowing him (we spent all weekend and yesterday together), though we knew of each other for a while, as we met through friends. He hasn't done anything wrong, is very affectionate, keeps in contact and so on. I'm just afraid that because I slept with him so soon, that is why my thoughts are extremely clouded, but I don't know how to do damage control over what I'm feeling right now. Its really freaking me out to the point that I don't want to see him in case it shows.
Last time I had my heart broken, I was afraid the grief would kill me off. Its the most devastating feeling in the world, next to maybe cancer. I'm deathly afraid of winding up falling for someone again who, like my ex, won't reciprocate.
Should I just space myself from him? My birthday is this weekend, and I really wanted to see him, but I'm thinking I should pace myself there.
hmmmm...sounds intense and real when you say it, but I'm not buying it.
IF you were truly "deathly afraid" of being broken hearted again you would not have slept with this guy within 2 days of knowing him
Someone who is truly "deathly afraid" of something will go out of their way to make sure it doesn't happen.
This means you would understand how important it is to get to really know someone for a period of time much longer than 2 DAYS before you just give yourself away to him.
You seem to be self-sabbatoging. You have some tough questions to ask yourself and some changes to make.
After you do that you will greatly minimize the chances you'll get heartbroken period.
It was probably a mistake to have sex with him so quickly because now your pride is also at risk of being hurt - and that can be as bad as having other feelings hurt.
In fact you don't know if you even love him, or are in love with him. I think you should space yourself from him but not necessarily by not seeing him. See him if you want - but don't let yourself imagine there is more to this than there is.
I think the reason you're that way is because you were deeply attached to the other person emotionally. You seem to get very emotionally attached to those you love and that's a good thing.
I'm just gonna be blunt, you feel deep down that you've given a part of yourself by sleeping with him. And you're afraid since he got what he wanted, that he'll leave, which is what I'm assuming happened last time.
I know I'm gonna get pummeled with this, but please correct me if I'm wrong.
hmmmm...sounds intense and real when you say it, but I'm not buying it.
IF you were truly "deathly afraid" of being broken hearted again you would not have slept with this guy within 2 days of knowing him
Someone who is truly "deathly afraid" of something will go out of their way to make sure it doesn't happen.
This means you would understand how important it is to get to really know someone for a period of time much longer than 2 DAYS before you just give yourself away to him.
You seem to be self-sabbatoging. You have some tough questions to ask yourself and some changes to make.
After you do that you will greatly minimize the chances you'll get heartbroken period.
I know. and I do know how important it is to get to know someone, but I lost control I guess, as this doesn't normally happen. I don't know what tough questions to ask myself though.
Fear is born of control. You can't completely control the course or outcome of this relationship, and you're scared of being hurt. It's normal, especially if you've been hurt in the past. There's really no magic words or secret to this. You just have to tread carefully and give it a chance, or it's not going to move forward.
To give and receive love, you have to let yourself be vulnerable, mir. Yes, it can be extremely painful when it goes wrong, but when it goes right, it's well worth the risk. Take your time, though, to be sure he's the real thing - if it is, you don't need to rush, just be open to the possibilities.
It was probably a mistake to have sex with him so quickly because now your pride is also at risk of being hurt - and that can be as bad as having other feelings hurt.
In fact you don't know if you even love him, or are in love with him. I think you should space yourself from him but not necessarily by not seeing him. See him if you want - but don't let yourself imagine there is more to this than there is.
Time will tell on that.
this sounds pretty much like it. I don't love him, I don't know him well enough for that. but I do like him and I'm getting attached quicker than I want to be. and ya, I know not to imagine that there is more to him than there really is.
A couple times people have told me " I 'd like to have another pet again but my last one dying hurt so bad that I can't bare to deal with that again".
Different kind of love but it is still love.
But what about all the good things about that time? Seems to me that makes it worth it also even though you don't know how long it will last.
It is one thing to see danger signs and be careful, I am dealing with that myself. I have dealt with fear of rejection also in the past but also remember the good parts when it was successful.
But if everything thing seems hopeful, go with it until otherwise.
And, this thing women think about that if you have sex too soon with a guy he'll move on. It isn't always true, unless he is not looking to be serious. A guy even if he has sex with you and has feelings and likes you will want to stay with you after.
So what you have to do is see where it goes. My opinion anyway.
You read about people married to each other for 25 years in love and devoted and then something happens and they split. So was it a success or failure? I can't see 25 years as a failure even though something changed in the end. So what about one year, or five years together? Is success measured in time or what happened in that time?
I finally met someone I like and I'm already afraid he's gonna break/shatter my heart. I don't know if I'm just being delusional, as he hasn't shown any sign that he's going to hurt me or anything, or if I'm just afraid of the inevitable: most relationships come to an end. I also made the mistake of sleeping with him 2 days after knowing him (we spent all weekend and yesterday together), though we knew of each other for a while, as we met through friends. He hasn't done anything wrong, is very affectionate, keeps in contact and so on. I'm just afraid that because I slept with him so soon, that is why my thoughts are extremely clouded, but I don't know how to do damage control over what I'm feeling right now. Its really freaking me out to the point that I don't want to see him in case it shows.
Last time I had my heart broken, I was afraid the grief would kill me off. Its the most devastating feeling in the world, next to maybe cancer. I'm deathly afraid of winding up falling for someone again who, like my ex, won't reciprocate.
Should I just space myself from him? My birthday is this weekend, and I really wanted to see him, but I'm thinking I should pace myself there.
Don't mess up a good thing. We all go through heartbreak, that's just life. But we learn from our heartbreak and lost love and move on. Don't dwell on that you've already slept with him and everything will be going downhill from there, it can bond both of you stronger to each other. Look at the positive and not the negative. Don't over-analyze and enjoy yourself!
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