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I haven't been in a romantic relationship for almost 15 years, but would now like one, and I don't know where to begin and was hoping for some advice. There's a few main reasons for this: 1) I haven't tried really tried, 2) I'm very afraid of rejection, 3) I'm not very outgoing, and 4) the major one: I'm confined to a wheelchair which makes the number of things I can do quite limited and I believe limits the number of people that would be interested in the first place.
The only relationship I've ever had was with someone I knew for a long time before we ever got together, so I've never really done the dating thing. I've gone to lots of bars and clubs and I can't get myself to talk to women there. It's very awkward trying to move around those places in my chair to begin with and trying to talk to anybody when their first instinct is to move out of your way leaving you 10 feet away from them just doesn't work. Trying to sit at a bar is kind of silly since your sitting there and the bar and everybody else are several feet above your head.
I haven't tried any dating sites, I've looked at them, but not sure how I'd go about using them. I don't think it's fair to not disclose my disability, but I'm guessing it makes things an immediate non-starter with most women, which I do understand since it's asking a lot to be with people with special needs. However, I'm completely independent, have my own place, a decent income, so I'm actually not looking for someone to help me, but just someone to be with.
I guess I'm worried since I've seen my friends and other people talk about meeting with 20-30 women before they even find one they like, and they don't have my problems, making me think I'll have to go through 100s and it's very daunting. I think it doesn't help that I'm fairly happy now so it's very easy for me to not do something that might be kind of painful even if it means I'll be even happier later.
One of the most handsome men I have ever seen in my entire life was in a wheelchair.
I still remember his face from way back in August of 1984.
I was a teen back then and I swear if I had been older I definitely would have asked him out.
I don't think it's an immediate non-starter for everyone. I would love my husband if he was disabled, it really wouldn't matter very much to me.
You shouldn't let the chair get in the way of you finding companionship and love. Yes, you should disclose that you're in a wheelchair in your online profile.
Everybody experiences rejection. That's part of dating, that's part of life and you can't avoid it.
Go to some dating sites, test the waters. The only way you're going to know is if you try.
,,,,I guess I'm worried since I've seen my friends and other people talk about meeting with 20-30 women before they even find one they like, and they don't have my problems, making me think I'll have to go through 100s and it's very daunting.,,,,
Nope, they have all have their own problems. You know your limits, they are not problems unless you make them so.
100's of women, there is where the fun lies.
Here is the clue. Go and do the things you enjoy. Whatever it may be, handicap basketball, guitar classes and then later jams. I have a friend who scuba dives, the boat dives are easier for him in his wheelchair.
Go and do things that make you happy. That is when you will meet someone that shares a interest and they will see you having fun. Fun people are fun to be with, grumpy people less so.
One good thing about being upfront is that although you'll probably get fewer bites overall, the kind of person who does bite is probably better than average. I would disclose it from the start and include what you've said here, that you are independent, have your own income, aren't looking for someone to take care of you, then list all the things that make you unique, your interests, hobbies.
You have already started...by sharing your anxiety with all of us...
I am not going to state I know what you go through..I am not one to patronize..
I will state however that in my younger years as a adapted physical ed asst. I fell for a man in a wheelchair, what broke the relationship up was not me it was his insecurity and I understood this..
Not too long ago I met a very handsome man in a wheelchair and again we had a good relationship in every aspect..it was just different and he RAN I did not..I was all about making things work..He was a fantastic artist, did not let his disability hold him back but he let his disability hold him back from me..He contacted me several months ago after never calling me back after I made several attempts to contact him..
He stated it was his issue and I respected it because again I am not going to pretend I know his struggle...but he is a beautiful man physically and mentally but it is his loss..
we remain friends and I have stated to him that he needed to get over someof his emotional stuff because it is holding him back from being open to women whom may love him and accept him for what he is today...and do not see his disability as an obstacle but looking for ways to better the relationship...
I haven't been in a romantic relationship for almost 15 years, but would now like one, and I don't know where to begin and was hoping for some advice. There's a few main reasons for this: 1) I haven't tried really tried, 2) I'm very afraid of rejection, 3) I'm not very outgoing, and 4) the major one: I'm confined to a wheelchair which makes the number of things I can do quite limited and I believe limits the number of people that would be interested in the first place.
The only relationship I've ever had was with someone I knew for a long time before we ever got together, so I've never really done the dating thing. I've gone to lots of bars and clubs and I can't get myself to talk to women there. It's very awkward trying to move around those places in my chair to begin with and trying to talk to anybody when their first instinct is to move out of your way leaving you 10 feet away from them just doesn't work. Trying to sit at a bar is kind of silly since your sitting there and the bar and everybody else are several feet above your head.
I haven't tried any dating sites, I've looked at them, but not sure how I'd go about using them. I don't think it's fair to not disclose my disability, but I'm guessing it makes things an immediate non-starter with most women, which I do understand since it's asking a lot to be with people with special needs. However, I'm completely independent, have my own place, a decent income, so I'm actually not looking for someone to help me, but just someone to be with.
I guess I'm worried since I've seen my friends and other people talk about meeting with 20-30 women before they even find one they like, and they don't have my problems, making me think I'll have to go through 100s and it's very daunting. I think it doesn't help that I'm fairly happy now so it's very easy for me to not do something that might be kind of painful even if it means I'll be even happier later.
So how do I start, what should I begin to do?
Here is what I would do...
Hang out at a popular park.
Do you have a dog? Get one. Da ladies lika da puppies.
Anyways, that is what I would do. Go there around lunchtime when many of the office workers will take their lunch and say hi to people. Have a picnic. Ask them to join you as you are sitting on the blanket. If you make it a routine they may notice you.
"There is a really nice guy that is always at the park around lunchtime. He is so friendly." The ladies may say to your future girlfriend who may just take a lunch at that park to see you.
Actually if you are dressed nicely and you are polite you may find many nice people. Guys can be friends of hot gals so say hi to them as well.
Just have fun and be yourself.
Put on a workout outfit and ride the bike trails. Jokingly tell the good looking lady joggers that you can out run them.
Thanks for the responses everybody. I threw a pic in my profile, unfortunately I'm making a somewhat goofy face, but all the other pictures I took were blurry so that was the best of what I had.
Quote:
Do you have a dog? Get one. Da ladies lika da puppies.
I had a dog a while ago but quickly learned I just wasn't able to take care of one properly on my own so ended up giving it away.
Well guess I have to just jump in and try something. Thanks again.
I think you should test the waters on a couple of free sites, like okcupid.com and plenty of fish. I don't think you have to discuss your disability in the profile, but make sure you post at least one clear picture of you in your wheelchair.
One thing, why I personally might be put off by a man in a wheelchair: sex. I'd wonder if you are physically capable of having it, but I'd be too embarrassed to ask. I think it would be wise to subtly address this in your profile.
I don't know any specific website names off the top of my ahead at the moment, but I think there may also be some specialty dating sites for ppl who are interested in dating persons with disabilities? At least I had heard of some, in the past? (I'm sorry I can't remember any of the specific site names to point you to.)
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At least I had heard of some, in the past? (I'm sorry I can't remember any of the specific site names to point you to.)
