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H886 - I do moisturize the car seats because I don't want him to spend another fortune on a newer car. He likes nice stuff but he doesn't take care of it. So I do moisturize the seats (every few months) to save money and not because I like it. I know him well enough to know how he is thinking. He then envy's the people with brandnew cars and leather seats.
And complains that we don't have the money for that kind of stuff. But if we need a maid/landscaper/handyman all the time, we are even less likely able to afford all what he wants.
BTW, I never said I wash his car once a week.
I also don't pick up his laundry anymore. I tell him I am washing and need his dirty clothes (he only sometimes uses the basket). I tell him again a day later. And another day later. And then I wash no matter if his clothes are collected or not. Needless to say he has TONS OF CLOTHES.
He always wants the newest and nicest but then it looks like crap because he doesn't do maintenance on it. Same with the wivey
If I let him figure out stuff himself - we end up doing everything last minute where it costs twice as much, is a big pain in the butt because we are late, or broken stuff breaks even worse, we get fined for high grass, or we have to replace stuff because it took him too long, or it becomes a safety hazard, or it decreases the value of our house significantly and I have to suffer, too.
Also, I hate going to work to earn the money that he wastes by not taking care of stuff. If all my earned money goes towards increased fees/fines/maids/landscapers, why am I even working? And then he complains, that all his coworkers can afford more stuff as he can.
I told him, somebody (a guy) will come over to something that he should have done weeks ago, since it becomes a fire hazard and he was happy that he doesn't have to do it himself.
How about couples therapy? In therapy, ask your husband why he doesn't care to do his share and why he doesn't care how it is affecting you or your marriage. And then listen to what he says.
If he was given a deal to do 1/2 an hour, per day, of housework, or split up, which would he choose? (Or whatever it is that would seem fair to you).
Sounds like he just does not give a crap. Period. He sounds like a spoiled little child and wants Mommy to do everything and Mommy does it. No wonder sex is also not high on his list of interests.
What do you see in this guy? What do you get out of the relationship?
Green Scout - the room mate story is funny. Going on strike wouldn't do anything for me either other then living in a dirty house, most likely getting ants because of dirty dishes, trouble with the city for the high grass, overgrown sprinklers, tons of dog hair and slowly everything braking down in the house and staying that way ...
I hear you. I know how frustrating it can be. In a perfect world, I like a house the way Ferris Bueller described Cameron's in the movie Ferris Bueller's day off. Like a museum. Very beautiful, very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything...... I like disassembling the toaster and individually cleaning and polishing each part before reassembling it and then yelling at anyone who tries to use it. OK, maybe that's a bit extreme, but I can't stand a pig sty either. Unfortunately, I'm outnumbered. My house frequently looks like Berlin after WWII. I can't win. I just had to surrender......
The reality of my life is that we have four small children and in a house with kids, everything is either wet, broken, or sticky. That's just how it is. I can deal with my wife not having much interest in keeping a clean house. I can accept that whatever I do will be undone in a matter of minutes by the kids. In fact, I've found the old saying to be true, if you can't beat em', join em'......
You've just got to let it go. Trust me on this. I know, I've been there.....
H886 - I do moisturize the car seats because I don't want him to spend another fortune on a newer car. He likes nice stuff but he doesn't take care of it. So I do moisturize the seats (every few months) to save money and not because I like it. I know him well enough to know how he is thinking. He then envy's the people with brandnew cars and leather seats.
And complains that we don't have the money for that kind of stuff. But if we need a maid/landscaper/handyman all the time, we are even less likely able to afford all what he wants.
BTW, I never said I wash his car once a week.
I also don't pick up his laundry anymore. I tell him I am washing and need his dirty clothes (he only sometimes uses the basket). I tell him again a day later. And another day later. And then I wash no matter if his clothes are collected or not. Needless to say he has TONS OF CLOTHES.
He always wants the newest and nicest but then it looks like crap because he doesn't do maintenance on it. Same with the wivey
If I let him figure out stuff himself - we end up doing everything last minute where it costs twice as much, is a big pain in the butt because we are late, or broken stuff breaks even worse, we get fined for high grass, or we have to replace stuff because it took him too long, or it becomes a safety hazard, or it decreases the value of our house significantly and I have to suffer, too.
Also, I hate going to work to earn the money that he wastes by not taking care of stuff. If all my earned money goes towards increased fees/fines/maids/landscapers, why am I even working? And then he complains, that all his coworkers can afford more stuff as he can.
He's acting like a baby, but you're acting like his mother. Take care of your home, but not his car or his dirty clothes. If they are worn or dirty, that's HIS problem.
I told him, somebody (a guy) will come over to something that he should have done weeks ago, since it becomes a fire hazard and he was happy that he doesn't have to do it himself.
Wow! That's some lazy bum! Most guys' egos won't like that.
My own ex-husband whom I had to "nag" to no end to get something done when we were together, was on a helping spree around my house some time ago. And you know why?! He still needs to "prove" to me he's better than a certain professional because I dared say that the professional perhaps, just perhaps, may know better! Granted, the guy in question wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but c'mon... We've been officially divorced for 4 years and he keeps bringing this up!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Hire someone to do the things he doesn't want to and hand him the bills.
H886 - I do moisturize the car seats because I don't want him to spend another fortune on a newer car. He likes nice stuff but he doesn't take care of it. So I do moisturize the seats (every few months) to save money and not because I like it. I know him well enough to know how he is thinking. He then envy's the people with brandnew cars and leather seats.
And complains that we don't have the money for that kind of stuff. But if we need a maid/landscaper/handyman all the time, we are even less likely able to afford all what he wants.
I also don't pick up his laundry anymore. I tell him I am washing and need his dirty clothes (he only sometimes uses the basket). I tell him again a day later. And another day later. And then I wash no matter if his clothes are collected or not. Needless to say he has TONS OF CLOTHES.
If I let him figure out stuff himself - we end up doing everything last minute where it costs twice as much, is a big pain in the butt because we are late, or broken stuff breaks even worse, we get fined for high grass, or we have to replace stuff because it took him too long, or it becomes a safety hazard, or it decreases the value of our house significantly and I have to suffer, too.
Also, I hate going to work to earn the money that he wastes by not taking care of stuff. If all my earned money goes towards increased fees/fines/maids/landscapers, why am I even working? And then he complains, that all his coworkers can afford more stuff as he can.
Okay, first off, you picked him. From what you've said, it looks like you have a bad picker.
Second, maybe you two shouldn't live in a house if the upkeep is too much. Sounds like you two were doing better in the apartment. Or, if you don't feel his bad qualities are worth the good, then you can always be a single woman.
I would stop doing his laundry altogether. Don't even do it if he collects it. You do your laundry. You cook your meals. Before you start, ask if he wants to exchange meal prep time for chore time. If he says no, you cook for one. If he says yes, he does chores while you cook for two. If he goes out to get fast food, your choice is to live with it or divorce him.
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to no end to get something done when we were together, was on a helping spree around my house some time ago. And you know why?! He still needs to "prove" to me he's better than a certain professional because I dared say that the professional perhaps, just perhaps, may know better! Granted, the guy in question wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but c'mon...
