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There are no rational reasons for people to get married, except to pro-create.
Pbbbbbbbbbbbbttttttttttt...I know several couples who have never intended to have children, including one in which the guy had a vasectomy in his early 20s.
Exactly, but that's not to discount the efforts given by the lower earning spouse, which, ime, often surface with the running of the home, etc. The reality is that higher earning spouses might not be where they are or have what they have if not for their mate.
This is true. While there are perhaps a few absolutes when discussing marriage and divorce, the reasons for success, and or failure, are probably as numerous as the marriages and divorces themselves. I can think of two scenarios (of friends) where the husband was the sole earner. Both ended in divorce but both had different variables. I got most of my details second hand so bear that in mind as far as the "facts" of these scenarios go...In one, the wife was the consumate housekeeper (clean, cook, stock, repair etc.). In the other, the wife apparently abandoned her household "duties", began to watch day time TV and "eat bon bons" all day. She blossomed into a "lazy, two hundred pound plus slob". Despite the two children, he filed for divorce sharing with me that her attitude, including her unwillingness to helpout, was unbearable. In the other, she filed for divorce saying that she needed to "find herself".
So it appears there are no guarantees and just like with raising children, where the parents do everything "right" and the child turns out rotten or vice versa, one never knows what will happen. BTW, in the latter scenario above, he was a fireman (a captain) and even by her account, a loving and attentive spouse. It still did not prevent the divorce.
There are no rational reasons for people to get married, except to pro-create.
Pbbbbbbbbbbbbttttttttttt...I know several couples who have never intended to have children, including one in which the guy had a vasectomy in his early 20s.
I got married when I was 30. Children were never ruled out but then they were never "ruled in" so-to-speak. We are both active and had a blast as a double income no kid couple. This went on for 15 years until the mutual decision to have a child was agreed upon. We have a 6 year old daughter now and are having a blast. It was a difficult transition but we survived it and now are mixing our daughter into our surfing, hiking, biking, mountain biking, yoga active lifestyle. I am 51 and my wife is 46. The most common disadvantage as mature parents is the energy level or lack thereof. IMO, we have minimized, if not eliminated that. Plus we have financial and emotional stability, at least in comparison with 20 somethings, going for us.
Marriage a challenge? Absolutely. There are times when I want to "vaporize" my Venusian partner. I'm sure the feeling is mutual. But then every close relationship I have had, from siblings to roommates to girlfriends has been a wild adventure. Simply put, two is way more complicated than one. If simplicity is your goal, then marriage or any other long term relationship, is probably / definitely? not for you.
I would add this. I can't really even say my decision to marry was rational. In fact, I'd say it wasn't rational at all. Perhaps it was a flight of fancy or a trip into the mystic...whatever it was / is, it has been a blast and for that, I am eternally grateful.
My DH and I never intended to get married. I was fresh from a divorce, and wore a button that said, "Happily Divorced and Permanently Single". He said the old saw "Marriage is an institution, Love is blind, I'm not being committed to an institution for the blind". We were old HS friends, and I used to set him up with all of my old girlfriends, who never seemed to want to commit to him, or he to them.
But... the more we dated, the more comfortable we were with each other. We moved in together, still without any indication that we wanted to be married... it was just financially practical. We enjoyed each others' friends and company. We liked having someone around with whom we could discuss books and movies, morals and decadence, politics and life, intelligently and without emotional rhetoric. Oh, yeah, and the sex was GREAT.
We especially liked being with someone else who didn't play games, who was as bluntly honest and open as we were, and whom we could respect. We liked being with someone who wasn't up our behinds 24/7, with whom we could be ourselves, with whom we could indulge in our own interests and hobbies and not have to put up with "NO, spend time with ME!" We also enjoy working together; we both work hard, and whatever needs doing, whomever has the time just does it. No discussion about male/female divisions or "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts". We ended up working on the same EMS unit at one point, and sometimes he took the lead, sometimes I did - it was normal and natural and there were never any quarrels about who was 'better'.
So yeah, we've been married 29 years, have raised three children and fostered several others, and have had and are still having a comfortable, mutually beneficial, and mutually respectful relationship. It works for us. I don't tell people - not even our children or fosters - that they should be married, or that they shouldn't - I tell them they should do what makes them happy, and if they find someone else along that path, they should feel free to walk with them - or, not.
People get married because they want to! It doesn't get much simpler than that! If you don't want to get married and would rather remain single...well good for you. There's nothing wrong with that. Some of us wanted to get married....we did. Hey, we've been together for 29 years, had good times and bad times....but I don't regret for one minute, being married.
My DH and I never intended to get married. I was fresh from a divorce, and wore a button that said, "Happily Divorced and Permanently Single". He said the old saw "Marriage is an institution, Love is blind, I'm not being committed to an institution for the blind". We were old HS friends, and I used to set him up with all of my old girlfriends, who never seemed to want to commit to him, or he to them.
But... the more we dated, the more comfortable we were with each other. We moved in together, still without any indication that we wanted to be married... it was just financially practical. We enjoyed each others' friends and company. We liked having someone around with whom we could discuss books and movies, morals and decadence, politics and life, intelligently and without emotional rhetoric. Oh, yeah, and the sex was GREAT.
We especially liked being with someone else who didn't play games, who was as bluntly honest and open as we were, and whom we could respect. We liked being with someone who wasn't up our behinds 24/7, with whom we could be ourselves, with whom we could indulge in our own interests and hobbies and not have to put up with "NO, spend time with ME!" We also enjoy working together; we both work hard, and whatever needs doing, whomever has the time just does it. No discussion about male/female divisions or "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts". We ended up working on the same EMS unit at one point, and sometimes he took the lead, sometimes I did - it was normal and natural and there were never any quarrels about who was 'better'.
So yeah, we've been married 29 years, have raised three children and fostered several others, and have had and are still having a comfortable, mutually beneficial, and mutually respectful relationship. It works for us. I don't tell people - not even our children or fosters - that they should be married, or that they shouldn't - I tell them they should do what makes them happy, and if they find someone else along that path, they should feel free to walk with them - or, not.
Not to go OT or anything, but to be completely honest -- reading all of these posts makes me seriously wish marriage in society today was more like it was, in the distant past
Marriage today = anything goes = moral relativism = kids and pre-marital intimacy optional (and even marriage itself, as entirely optional)
Marriage ("yesterday") = actually meant something important, was much more significant, and not treated lightly or trivialized; much more revered as an institution; most ppl actually *waited* (gasp!) to be intimate, until after marriage; children from a married union were more revered and treasured, rather than being looked on as a burden to the overall relationship.
Today's modern society makes a complete joke and mockery, of what marriage used to be, IMO.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 07-01-2011 at 09:38 AM..
Reason: Corrections / Adds
If that's the kind of woman you want, then nobody is stopping you from also becoming a physician, financial analyst, etc. Keep in mind that a majority of the time likes go with likes
That’s right but it is common for a man to be interested in women below his level. Something that is not AS COMMON with women who rather be with a man who is above her level. So if a guy who is, say, a waiter, wants to date that Wall Street woman, he’ll need more than luck to make that happen. This is not a bad thing, it’s just how it is.
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I don't view a 40k earner marrying an 80k earner as marrying up
Someone simply being with someone above her level, that’s all.
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I will at the start make the disclaimer that I do not fall into that fold, but millions of women spend big bucks to romance their men via their appearance...since it's so darn important to masses of men
Women want to look pretty for themselves, compete against other women, and maybe their men. But since when do you hear women change their style just because their man told them they look better with short hair or something. Women would scream “control” right off the bat. Anyways, a man can include expenses that he can relate to his girl and it would be the same thing: spending money on maintaining his car in good shape to take his girl out all over the place, the insurance he pays for his car, how hard he works to have money to spend on her and she can see he will be a good provider, and so on. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and when a guy meets a girl it’s not like she’s on high heels, with a hairstyle she just got from the beauty salon that night, etc. Just think of the typical settings where people meet: the coffee shop, school, the bar, etc. It’s not like women go to those places just like they would to a wedding or a special elegant fancy event. A man’s income level, his job title, the car he drives, his degree, etc. is so darn important to the masses of women. He has to do something about it if he ever wants to score and show those traits women mention over and over they want to see in a man: someone who can provide, someone who can offer security, someone above their level or at least the same, etc.
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Before you even drop that $60 at applebees, a majority of these women are way more invested. Again, please with the nominal tokens
Men spend money on themselves too to market themselves for women and then they have to spend money on the woman. Women may spend money on themselves and that’s pretty much it.
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Or, a big OR! you could go hippie. LOL.
I know, huh? Lol I was looking for a hippie smiley but couldn't find one.
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The fact that some prefer lame activities is your problem if you allow it. I'm telling you now, based on my experience having known many women, men, and couples, that there is more to dating life that dropping a bunch of cash hoping to get some girl in the sack
That’s right, depends on the couple. The girls I go out with and I can enjoy activities ranging from rock climbing, hiking, discovering a new recipe and giving it a try with friends, checking out international films, etc. to fancy dinning, travelling on vacation together, theater, etc. When it comes to dropping cash, it goes both ways right off the bat since date #1. It seems to work just fine with them and me. Everybody has their style.
Not to go OT or anything, but to be completely honest -- reading all of these posts makes me seriously wish marriage in society today was more like it was, in the distant past
Marriage today = anything goes = moral relativism = kids and pre-marital intimacy optional (and even marriage itself, as entirely optional)
Marriage ("yesterday") = actually meant something important, much more significant, and not treated lightly or trivialized, much more revered as an institution
Today's modern society makes a complete joke and mockery, of what marriage used to be, IMO.
Marriage is what you make of it. We are all free to live our own lives the way that is best for us personally. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or what anyone else does. Premarital sex does not equal moral relativism to me. For me - it is actually a prerequisite for marriage. But we are all free to make our own decisions.
My marriage is sacred to me. It is important to me. My husband feels the same way. And just for the record - my great-grandmother was married multiple times. People tend to idealize the past. Human nature is human nature. People have always had affairs, people have always had premarital sex, people have always done stupid things - they are just more out in the open now than they used to be.
It doesn't matter if you think other people don't take marriage seriously - all that matters in your life is what you think of it. The right person for you will share your beliefs and ideals.
Not to go OT or anything, but to be completely honest -- reading all of these posts makes me seriously wish marriage in society today was more like it was, in the distant past
Marriage today = anything goes = moral relativism = kids and pre-marital intimacy optional (and even marriage itself, as entirely optional)
Marriage ("yesterday") = actually meant something important, was much more significant, and not treated lightly or trivialized; much more revered as an institution; most ppl actually *waited* (gasp!) to be intimate, until after marriage; children from a married union were more revered and treasured, rather than being looked on as a burden to the overall relationship.
Today's modern society makes a complete joke and mockery, of what marriage used to be, IMO.
To reiterate other posters...Marriage is what you make it. Pure and simple.
The comparison to the past is melancholy and likely over generalized. IMO, all the things that happen today, happened back in the "good, old days." It was just kept hidden and in today's instant information / Facebook / Twitter / Reality TV society, little, if anything, is hidden. Granted, a lack of respect for the institution of marriage may be more prevalent today. Then again, it might just seem like it because we hear more about it.
I do agree there is less of a religious aspect in marriage today as perhaps reflected in our ever growing secular society and that probably kept a lot of people together back then. But then again, a lot of people probably stayed together in the past that probably should not have.
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I was looking for a hippie smiley but couldn't find one.
