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Interesting. It seems its still expected from men to take care of a woman's expenses.
I have asked this question the other way around before. When a group of girlfriends goes out nobody makes a big deal about who pays or who doesn't pay, who came up with the plan or not, if the restaurant is a chain restaurant or not, etc. It's no big deal. They all pitch in and nobody expects/demands anything from anybody. But when it comes to dating all of a sudden it's all a man's responsibility to pay, to take initiative, to be extra careful of what restaurant he takes them, etc.
I rather have BOTH parties relaxed just like when they go out with their buddies or girlfriends. In that kind of atmosphere everybody is happy to be there, no tension, everybody pitches in with expenses, and simply has a good time. No expectations or demands from anybody. You simply spend time with someone that attracts you, be yourself, and see where things lead to.
Apples and oranges. The dynamic between casual friendships are very different than romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are not casual by their very nature. Unless your goal is to simply hook up, they ARE more serious, with more invested (on many levels) and there's more at risk.
When you ask out a potential romantic partner, you are essentially asking them to make an investment in you, and to choose you over their other options. Friendships don't require that level of investment or risk.
In my mind, it's more akin to asking out a potential business client or investor, whom you have hopes of building a business relationship with. Are you going to ask out a potential business client, hoping to gain their trust to do business with you over the competition and then not pick up the bill? I don't think so.
I paid on the 1st date with my hubby. He was surprised. Didn't want to let me pay. I told him to not worry about it. If he minded. Then we were so not right for each other. I didn't see anything wrong with it. We were in the 2000's. To keep in mind that I wanted to take him out of his comfort zone. And it was more than fine with me. I knew he was so worth our ihop buy one get one free meal jk.
Frugal and cheap aren't and shouldn't be the same thing.
Yeah, I'm speaking more to when you're excessively frugal during dating activities. There's nothing wrong with being economically conscious, but always being sparing can be tiresome, especially with dating.
Yeah, I'm speaking more to when you're excessively frugal during dating activities. There's nothing wrong with being economically conscious, but always being sparing can be tiresome, especially with dating.
Miserly. That's the word you want. And yeah... I despise that quality in a man OR a woman.
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And it gets argued around here that women aren't in control of relationships and the dating game.
What RedZin just said is the majority opinion among women these days:
"Play our way, or don't play."
If you don't want to pay money for someone you ask out on a date, ask them out hiking or to a free day at the museum or aquarium.
Or just don't ask anyone out on a date.
I've never had a guy ask me out and expect me to pay. Have I picked up drinks or something after dinner? Sure. When I dated someone I knew made much less money did I help out? Sure.
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If you don't want to pay money for someone you ask out on a date, ask them out hiking or to a free day at the museum or aquarium.
Or just don't ask anyone out on a date.
I've never had a guy ask me out and expect me to pay. Have I picked up drinks or something after dinner? Sure. When I dated someone I knew made much less money did I help out? Sure.
I absolutely agree.
You can also ask a person over and cook dinner (getting very cheap ingredients if you desire, I mean, it's really up to you... my first husband told me that he once made an entire dinner for a girl he had over by using MREs he got at work... military guy... LOL).
Ask a person to go for a walk. Maybe grab a cup of coffee or what have you. It's not rocket science.
The free art exhibit thing is also great chance to get to know someone without spending a dime.
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don't you think it's fair to say that when most people go on a first date, they really don't know one another very well?
That’s right so why have any demands and expectations from the other person. Heck, I don’t even have them when I go out with a friend or a relative. A girl asking me out, a relative telling me about an event, a friend telling me about a restaurant, etc. I don’t sit there and think “Now you pay for me and impress me…” If I decided to go, that’s it.
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If so, why wouldn't the polite thing to do with a relative stranger be to pay for the evening out if you asked and you planned it?
I am not sure if anybody around here would go out on a date with a complete stranger just like that but if that was the case I would still not feel entitled to a free meal and entertainment, maybe that’s just me. If I am accepting to go out with someone it is because I have certain interest as well to be there unlike a business meeting.
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If you go out on a date with someone who was formerly a friend for years, I would expect they would likely just chip in and do the thing that friends usually do. I agree with you that most friends tend to be very casual and want to be fair with one another
Yes, we agree on this one. Not sure why many women out there still expect/demand a man to take care of their expenses.
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I have absolutely no issue paying for meals for my friends. But, if some guy I barely knew asked me out, picked a restaurant and another activity and EXPECTED me to pay half?
No. I'd immediately be disinterested because it's a sure sign he's a miser.
I see. Now, men asking out a woman who they barely know are expected to pay for a woman’s expenses, ok, but then women complaining about it seems a bit ungrateful. Sure, maybe he can simply ask “Do you like Italian food?” and if the woman says she does then complains because he took them to an Italian chain restaurant instead of a fancy sushi place seems wrong instead of simply being glad to be taken out and get to know a guy, don’t you think?
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If generosity for the man in question means he springs for fries to go with those burgers he bought us while we walked around downtown and talked and got to know one another? That's cool. I don't expect to be wined and dined in an extravagant fashion.
That’s nice. When I lived in Asia and I was asked out I didn’t mind if a girl and I had a snack outside a convenience store or on in a fancy candlelight dinner. I was just happy to be with the girl I liked and that was enough for both.
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I just don't dig cheapskates
That’s right. A guy who doesn’t want to go anywhere as it may cost him some money or the gal who never contributes to expenses.
Apples and oranges. The dynamic between casual friendships are very different than romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are not casual by their very nature. Unless your goal is to simply hook up, they ARE more serious, with more invested (on many levels) and there's more at risk.
Not sure about you but I don’t see myself in the altar on the first date or in a serious relationship. I see someone I have some kind of attraction and vice versa and we go out just to have fun and if things go well we do it again. Can’t see someone as a potential partner that soon at least for many guys. We are enjoying a friendship where, like you said, don’t require lots of investment or risk for any party. Besides, I rather enjoy a friendship first before taking the other step. Step by step works better for many of us: acquaintance…friendship…relationship…commitment…ma rriage.
When women say “If a man doesn’t pay for all my expenses then I will see him as a friend”, good! That’s the whole point. Nobody twisted our arms to be there. We are friends who have mutually agreed to hang out on Friday night and have fun. If we enjoyed our time together and decide to do it again, how nice! If our spending time together later on lights a spark between us and we start to feel other kind of attraction, cool! Don’t you think?
If you don't want to pay money for someone you ask out on a date, ask them out hiking or to a free day at the museum or aquarium.
Or just don't ask anyone out on a date.
I've never had a guy ask me out and expect me to pay. Have I picked up drinks or something after dinner? Sure. When I dated someone I knew made much less money did I help out? Sure.
I gave options for dates that don't cost anything, which you conveniently ignored.
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