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Old 07-21-2011, 04:32 PM
 
10 posts, read 71,260 times
Reputation: 18

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Curious to find out if all men look at porn...

My live-in boyfriend (of almost 2 years) and I had great sex on Tuesday night. Wednesday I came home from work and saw that he was looking at porn during the day on the computer. I'm like WTF? To me that is a slap in the face. I couldn't even sleep in the same bed with him last night I was so pissed. I could see if i never gave it up, but at least 4 times a week is pretty good in my opinion. What is it about porn? If you have a great looking girl, what's the need?
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Old 07-21-2011, 04:39 PM
 
2,444 posts, read 3,584,462 times
Reputation: 3133
See it this way; He's just doing the maintenance to keep it in tip-top shape for when he's boning you.
Besides he's probably been practicing his hand-skills since he was about 10 years old, you don't just scrap skills like that
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Old 07-21-2011, 04:49 PM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,270,611 times
Reputation: 15342
Here we go again... [url=http://******************]http://******************/not-tagged-smiley-11513.gif (broken link)[/url]

You'll find all the opinions you need here, which is closed:

[url]//www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/890191-caught-husband-looking-porn-my-computer.html[/url]

And here, which is not:

[url]//www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1133663-i-cant-believe-some-wives-say.html[/url]
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Old 07-21-2011, 04:52 PM
 
6,548 posts, read 7,280,240 times
Reputation: 3826
Not sure how I would feel if my girl watched porn or got swooned by those erotic-romantic novels and chick flicks.

Something related is girls getting a heart attack because their guy masturbates which I find a bit hypocritical considering how the vast majority of women masturbate too (even though women normally deny doing it). Having a guy/girl prefer masturbation over nice loving sex is a different story.
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Old 07-21-2011, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Virginia-Shenandoah Valley
7,670 posts, read 14,245,563 times
Reputation: 7464
4 times a week may not be enough. If you're bothered by a man looking at porn you are in for a hard life. If it is NOT messing with your sex life then why do you care?
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Old 07-21-2011, 04:54 PM
 
3,603 posts, read 5,939,384 times
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Nobody needs porn. I've used it in the past. But I haven't used it for years. It is not necessary to use porn in order to masturbate. I would recommend having an honest, non-accusatory discussion with him about this. Mention that you accidentally saw on the computer that he was using porn and that it had upset you that he had been using it, but that you are not angry now, but you don't like porn and you want to talk about it. Don't be angry. Don't be accusatory. Be supportive, but state your honest opinions, and how his use of porn hurts you.

Porno can be very addictive. Signs it could be a problem are if he's trying to hide it from you. That indicates a possible addiction problem. But paradoxically, sending very negative or angry signals about his use of it would potentially encourage him to do it all the more, and hide it all the more if he's got a potential problem.

For more information, research Sex Addiction on the internet. If you're concerned he may be a sex addict, researching sex addiction could possibly help you figure out how to help him rather than simply make the problem worse through angry reactions.

Sex Addiction is very similar to alcoholism. It is strengthened by shame. Shaming him won't help if he's a sex addict. It will make it worse.
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Old 07-21-2011, 04:58 PM
 
2,444 posts, read 3,584,462 times
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I think it would be a problem if he didn't try to hide it...
I mean who the hell masturbates in front of their partner?
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Old 07-21-2011, 04:59 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 2,211,877 times
Reputation: 1267
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros View Post
Nobody needs porn. I've used it in the past. But I haven't used it for years. It is not necessary to use porn in order to masturbate. I would recommend having an honest, non-accusatory discussion with him about this. Mention that you accidentally saw on the computer that he was using porn and that it had upset you that he had been using it, but that you are not angry now, but you don't like porn and you want to talk about it. Don't be angry. Don't be accusatory. Be supportive, but state your honest opinions, and how his use of porn hurts you.

Porno can be very addictive. Signs it could be a problem are if he's trying to hide it from you. That indicates a possible addiction problem. But paradoxically, sending very negative or angry signals about his use of it would potentially encourage him to do it all the more, and hide it all the more if he's got a potential problem.

For more information, research Sex Addiction on the internet. If you're concerned he may be a sex addict, researching sex addiction could possibly help you figure out how to help him rather than simply make the problem worse through angry reactions.

Sex Addiction is very similar to alcoholism. It is strengthened by shame. Shaming him won't help if he's a sex addict. It will make it worse.

Masturbation can be compulsive and addicting for some, too. What's your point? OP is going too far, he could just have a high libido or looking for a release. It is not his way of saying OP is bad in the bed or anything.
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Old 07-21-2011, 05:05 PM
 
3,603 posts, read 5,939,384 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poletop1 View Post
Masturbation can be compulsive and addicting for some, too. What's your point? OP is going too far, he could just have a high libido or looking for a release. It is not his way of saying OP is bad in the bed or anything.
Yes, it can.

The OP doesn't like the porn. You can't have a successful relationship without honesty. She should be honest with him that his use of porn bothers her.

If she has additional reason to suspect he may be a sex addict, she should be armed with the information about what sex addiction is.
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Old 07-21-2011, 05:23 PM
 
Location: In the clouds
861 posts, read 1,124,547 times
Reputation: 599
Quote:
Originally Posted by VA-CND:) View Post
Curious to find out if all men look at porn...

My live-in boyfriend (of almost 2 years) and I had great sex on Tuesday night. Wednesday I came home from work and saw that he was looking at porn during the day on the computer. I'm like WTF? To me that is a slap in the face. I couldn't even sleep in the same bed with him last night I was so pissed. I could see if i never gave it up, but at least 4 times a week is pretty good in my opinion. What is it about porn? If you have a great looking girl, what's the need?
To learn new things
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