Can You Imagine No Dating Baggage? (long-term, how to, marry, men)
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I think we all have baggage of some sort - some of it came from relationships, some of it just from life. I don't think anyone is completely free from this - and I don't think it matters all that much. When I met my husband - he carried my baggage for me until I got rid of it altogether. I did the same with his.
Wouldn't trade my past for the world. I like it all. Older people I know who had lives like that seem easily broken in stormy waters. To me its one of those things that sound nice in theory. But truth of it is that its really a handicap. Going through crap DOES prepare you for more crap. Never haven fallen down...well...that just means you don't know what pain is and haven't been through the experience of getting over it. Once you have gotten over or through something its much easier to do later on.
I compare it to how people reacted as children to other things. Do you cry your eyes out if you would fall down on your butt as an adult? No you laugh at it, and get back up.
Taoist, I have to disagree with the theory that people go through mid-life crises at 40. My husband and I are 6 years past 40 and neither of us went through any changes. If a marriage is unhappy and people are tempted to cheat, they're going to do it at 35, 40, 45 or whenever.
So a co-worker of mine, K who just turned 31 has been with her husband since high school. They began dating in 1996, went to the same college, never broke up and got married 4 years ago. They seem really happy. I also know another couple in their mid 30's wo'd been together since high school and seem very happy and have a beautiful family.
I never had any desire to marry a high school sweetheart and wanted the experience of dating others in my 20s. But it made me wonder what it must be like to have found your meant-to-be true love at 16 and never having to date or experience anyone else? Also, by doing so, she has avoided all the pitfalls and head f*ckovers of casual dating (which caused more emotional baggage than I care to admit).
When I think of all the BS I dealt with while single or from broken relationships, while I'm sure it made me stronger, I wonder what its like to have never experienced that. Never had a broken heart, never been dumped. Never been sexually used or rejected. Never had a guy tell you what you wanted then never call again or sleep with you then lose interest. Never went through the years of stress, aggravation, rejection and hurt feelings that contributed to years of depression and baggage. Would I be a much happier person today?
I wonder if that is why she's such a perky, happy person. Can you imagine never having been through any dating crap? Ever?
I don't have to imagine it, because I married fairly young and did not date many people beforehand. I am grateful for that, especially when I read here about the things people go through, and I witness some of it in my friends and family. I married a man I met in high school, and our 16th anniversary is later this year. However, we have been through our share of ****, to be blunt--some stuff that many married couples never have to deal with. Some of it happened within months of our marriage. Married people can still deal with rejection, broken hearts, stress, depression, and the rest. I think everybody has her own burdens and trials to bear; they're just different.
Going through crap DOES prepare you for more crap. Never haven fallen down...well...that just means you don't know what pain is and haven't been through the experience of getting over it. Once you have gotten over or through something its much easier to do later on.
While I believe this is true, I think what I am trying to hone in on ss the emotional affects of going through traumatic events and how it changes you mentally.
I have learned a lot from my past relationships but some of the bad experiences, including the heartbrakes have had long-lasting affects. Things that even 2 years into my marriage I still feel from time to time.
Just because someone hasn't had relationship heartache doesn't mean they haven't been through the wringer in life. There's lots more to life than just a primary relationship. I've never had any relationship drama, but have had my full share of professional grief, which can be just as crippling as relationship stuff.
Why would it make someone tougher and more mature just because they've had 40 lovers who all dumped them? I don't get them. It seems to just make them bitter as hell, as evidenced on this Forum.
Well maybe if you had been through it, you would understand.
I think if you are still feeling your pain its not fully sorted. That phase is not great but it gets shorter with every cut. I think the bitter are just in a sorting phase.
I've know people who have had many relationships and still can't get it right! One person dated CONSTANTLY from junior high till he got married at 23--he's on marriage #2 and that one is no bed of roses. His ex is on marriage #3...popularity in bed or with the opposite sex is no indication of anything.
Now, take this other couple I know. He was 29 when they got married and she was 26. Both liked other people but never had a long term relationship with ANYONE else. They are not weird or loser, just people waiting for 'the right one.'
Just because someone hasn't had relationship heartache doesn't mean they haven't been through the wringer in life. There's lots more to life than just a primary relationship. I've never had any relationship drama, but have had my full share of professional grief, which can be just as crippling as relationship stuff.
I agree. I couldn't argue with this. I have had both relationship and professional grief.
Everyone experiences traumatic experiences in life just in very different ways. Personally, I could have not dealt well with most of it. Its made me stronger but not better.
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