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Why would it make someone tougher and more mature just because they've had 40 lovers who all dumped them? I don't get them. It seems to just make them bitter as hell, as evidenced on this Forum.
You got that right! Although it's almost inevitable that people will have had some dating baggage before they get married since average age to get married is late 20's these days.
Because divorce rates are much lower for those who marry after late 20's, it's better for someone to marry at say 30 with 1 or 2 ex SO's then someone who's 22 and 0 ex SO's.
You got that right! Although it's almost inevitable that people will have had some dating baggage before they get married since average age to get married is late 20's these days.
Because divorce rates are much lower for those who marry after late 20's, it's better for someone to marry at say 30 with 1 or 2 ex SO's then someone who's 22 and 0 ex SO's.
(Bolded portion above) But what exactly is it, that makes this the case today, though? In the past, even up to as far as several decades ago, I would have thought that the opposite scenario was true?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 07-22-2011 at 12:13 PM..
Reason: Corrected typo
(Bolded portion above) But what makes exactly is it, that makes this the case today, though? In the past, even up to as far as several decades ago, I would have thought that the opposite scenario was true?
I think that decades ago - all divorce rates were down because it was so looked down upon to get a divorce. People were unhappy, they cheated, they were abused - they just stayed married.
I think that decades ago - all divorce rates were down because it was so looked down upon to get a divorce. People were unhappy, they cheated, they were abused - they just stayed married.
Thx for your helpful insight and commnents, my friend
(Bolded portion above) But what exactly is it, that makes this the case today, though? In the past, even up to as far as several decades ago, I would have thought that the opposite scenario was true?
Divorce rates are lower for those marrying later b/c you know yourself better at 30 than at 22. Also, those who marry later tend to be the college educated and the college educated also have lower divorce rates. Furthermore, those who marry later are more financially stable.
Divorce rates are lower for those marrying later b/c you know yourself better at 30 than at 22. Also, those who marry later tend to be the college educated and the college educated also have lower divorce rates. Furthermore, those who marry later are more financially stable.
There's no need to "know yourself" in this business. The more you “know yourself,” the more selfish and rigid you become. There's need to adapt to another person and that's easier the younger you are.
There's no need to "know yourself" in this business. The more you “know yourself,” the more selfish and rigid you become. There's need to adapt to another person and that's easier the younger you are.
I actually agree with you there. We turn much pickier the older we get. There is a point where we become undateable. Not because we're horrible people but simply because we are unwilling to cede on many points younger people would be willing to cede on, based on lack of experience and idealism.
Few people will admit it, but engaging in a long term relationship with somebody is an exercise in "picking your poison". One has to cede enough times until both people get to a price point where they would agree to have a relationship with each other. The older we get the less likely we are to be copacetic about that settling. And it is settling make no doubt about it.
Taoist, I have to disagree with the theory that people go through mid-life crises at 40. My husband and I are 6 years past 40 and neither of us went through any changes. If a marriage is unhappy and people are tempted to cheat, they're going to do it at 35, 40, 45 or whenever.
I am happy for you that this is the case. However, you can't generalize (in a statistical sense) from one sample data point. The divorce rate peaks for men at about age 45, and for women around age 42 - and starts a rapid rise for both around age 37. I was just saying that in general, age 40 can be a risky period for marriages as evidenced by the statistics, but of course any one couple may or may not fit the stats. The quality of the marriage is certainly a key factor.
My other point is that lack of prior dating experience can make it difficult to acquire those skills later in life, or it may take longer and with more problems along the way. That may explain some of the many threads in these forums and elsewhere that talk about how to get into the dating scene after a long-term marriage, how different things are now (both at this age and how society has changed), and how to interpret words and actions from contacts and dates.
Dating skills may parallel overall social skills, so for some the transition isn't too difficult. However, a major change such as losing a spouse to divorce or death, is stressful. If you haven't coped with adversity in the past, some people may have less ability and experience to adapt to the changed circumstances. The older we get, the harder - again, speaking in general as there are always exceptions as it is a very individual response - it often is to handle stress and adapt to it in constructive manners.
I actually agree with you there. We turn much pickier the older we get. There is a point where we become undateable. Not because we're horrible people but simply because we are unwilling to cede on many points younger people would be willing to cede on, based on lack of experience and idealism.
Few people will admit it, but engaging in a long term relationship with somebody is an exercise in "picking your poison". One has to cede enough times until both people get to a price point where they would agree to have a relationship with each other. The older we get the less likely we are to be copacetic about that settling. And it is settling make no doubt about it.
Even though compatibility is also important, I definitely think that being happily married has more to do with both people just being able to be in a relationship as opposed to the specific choice of a partner.
There's no need to "know yourself" in this business. The more you “know yourself,” the more selfish and rigid you become.
This is asinine. The more you know yourself, the wiser your choices. The more you know what kind of person would work with you, the better, compatibility wise.
Obviously, there's a limit in that you shouldn't wait 'til you're 40 or 50 necessarily, but it's undeniable that part of the reason married at 30 is more successful than married at 22 is because of knowing who you are and what is really important to you.
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In the past, even up to as far as several decades ago, I would have thought that the opposite scenario was true? 
