Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't have a moral issue with premarital sex. But I do think people are deluding themselves if they believe they are in a "loving, committed" relationship with someone who is test driving them.
I see an awful lot of relationships where a man is test driving his girlfriends for several years and the woman is waiting around, hoping for a true commitment that often never happens. I think it's a crock.
I don't have a moral issue with premarital sex. But I do think people are deluding themselves if they believe they are in a "loving, committed" relationship with someone who is test driving them.
I see an awful lot of relationships where a man is test driving his girlfriends for several years and the woman is waiting around, hoping for a true commitment that often never happens. I think it's a crock.
I agree. I don't believe in test driving philosophy either.
Besides, people change. What could have seem like chocolate years ago, could now seem like vanilla and vice versa. It's all about teaching each other, investing your time in making the sex to be a great one.
Having sex with multiple men for a women is considered high risk behaviour for medical problems like PID. Even using a condom does not offer complete protection so it's best not to sleep with too many men.
"medical problems like PID" PID is a generic term that may or may not be transmitted sexually.
Considering most of the people I know are sexually active before marriage, during marriage and after marriage, I'm still waiting for someone to have a disease amongst my group of friends. It may be because many of us are older, 30s and 40s. It may be because we are responsible and use protection? I’ve gotten around quite a bit in my day and have never tested positive for any stds. I asked the doc who tested me last time what was the likelihood that any of the test would come back positive? His response was that he rarely sees anyone that uses condoms and is not a member of a high risk group come back positive.
Like the majority of people in this country I have had and will continue to have sex outside of marriage. I'm sure as hell not going to let a few religious zealots and Puritans dictate what happens in my personal life.
I don't have a moral issue with premarital sex. But I do think people are deluding themselves if they believe they are in a "loving, committed" relationship with someone who is test driving them.
I see an awful lot of relationships where a man is test driving his girlfriends for several years and the woman is waiting around, hoping for a true commitment that often never happens. I think it's a crock.
What is your definition of a loving, committed relationship?
I never said I ended it over lackluster sex. It was one of the problems in our relationship. However, as we are talking about sex and not the other issues that we had - I simply mentioned that we weren't compatible in the bedroom and not every other way in which we were not compatible. I was with my first boyfriend for 5 years. My second for 3 1/2 years. I don't think I'm using the term commitment loosely. I think you are trying to be too literal with "test drive." I think all people are trying to say is that not everyone is okay with having a great unknown in their relationship when they get married. At least, that is what I'm trying to say. When I married my husband - we had no secrets. We already knew each other inside and out. Our relationship from the very beginning has been seamless. We met, fell in love, slept together, moved in together, got engaged, got a joint bank account, got married, bought a house, and now are having a baby. Every big step that we have taken - it has felt like we were already there so the step hasn't felt nearly as big and scary. For me - this has been ideal.
Like I have said before - every single person is different. I don't think there is one right answer to this question - I think we should each do what is right for us. I'm not here to judge people that feel like waiting is best for them. It just wasn't best for me.
I understand what you are saying. Thanks. You're saying that you would have broken up with your first two boyfriends regardless of the quality of your sex life (whether you had mind blowing sex or whether you had abstained from sex altogether).
I just wonder if you would've realized that those relationships were not viable any sooner (or later) had you not been sexual with them.
Relationships that don't include sex follow different time lines of progression than sexual relationships. Once you've settled into a cozy sexual relationship, it's very easy to let a few years slip by with the wrong person. That rarely happens to people who wait to have sex.
I understand what you are saying. Thanks. You're saying that you would have broken up with your first two boyfriends regardless of the quality of your sex life (whether you had mind blowing sex or whether you had abstained from sex altogether).
I just wonder if you would've realized that those relationships were not viable any sooner (or later) had you not been sexual with them.
Relationships that don't include sex follow different time lines of progression than sexual relationships. Once you've settled into a cozy sexual relationship, it's very easy to let a few years slip by with the wrong person. That rarely happens to people who wait to have sex.
I disagree but I'm a different person and I've had different experiences.
I'm saying that I don't seperate a relationship and a sex life. They are part of the same whole to me. One of the reasons that I also broke up with my ex was because he was late all the time. But that in it of itself was not enough to ruin the relationship. A relationship isn't just one thing - it's a whole bunch of things that make up a whole. When enough things aren't working - you move on.
Just like I can't say for sure what relationships with out sex are like - I don't think that people who have only ever had relationships with out sex or who have waited for marriage can say for sure what relationships with sex are like.
I agree. I don't believe in test driving philosophy either.
Besides, people change. What could have seem like chocolate years ago, could now seem like vanilla and vice versa. It's all about teaching each other, investing your time in making the sex to be a great one.
so if you have a sexless relationship leading up to marriage for say 5 years...then the wedding night comes (pardon the pun), and its a disaster, you think to yourself, its going to get better but it doesnt, 10 years later, you buy your mate a GPS to help him find the right spots but to no avail sex is a disaster and you dread it....turns out the guy and you have different viewpoints regarding sex, which you would have found out before your got married, but you chose to not take the test drive...gotch yourself a lemon girl..but no lemondade for you!!
Virginity and purity is for children. Sexual bonding is for adults.
I'm not weighing in on the debate itself.
But, it seems that you are suggesting that someone who chooses to wait for sex, or who chooses to abstain from sex altogether, is childish. Is that the gist of it?
If so, I think that's a rather childish point of view.
so if you have a sexless relationship leading up to marriage for say 5 years...then the wedding night comes (pardon the pun), and its a disaster, you think to yourself, its going to get better but it doesnt, 10 years later, you buy your mate a GPS to help him find the right spots but to no avail sex is a disaster and you dread it....turns out the guy and you have different viewpoints regarding sex, which you would have found out before your got married, but you chose to not take the test drive...gotch yourself a lemon girl..but no lemondade for you!!
I disagree with this scenario and I'll tell you why:
Firstly, if 2 people really truly love each other, they could find a way to be compatible. What is sexual incompatibility anyway? If it's the lack of sex drive in one person, this person could work on building it up. The penis is not big enough? That could be found before marriage, no need to have sex for that. So many things could be fixed and corrected IF there is communication and love between 2 people.
Secondly, as I mentioned in my original post on this thread, 2 people could have a mind-blowing fantastic sex BEFORE marriage but if the love and communication fades years into marriage, the sex is going to be bad. There is no guarantee that you will continue having great sex after you get married. And as I said, people change and their sexual preferences may change with them. I know I'm not the same person when it comes to my sexuality now than when I met my husband 12 years ago.
Therefore, as I said, I don't believe in test driving philosophy nor do I believe that it's imperative and important to have sex prior to marriage.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
