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Background: A few days ago a girl text me to go out. I had left my phone at work, so it took me close to a day to respond. After a half of a day, she text again, "I guess that means no" because it looked like I blew her off. So when I got my phone, I replied back saying I was sorry for ignoring her, I forgot my phone and that I wanted to go out. Then she said something like she didn't think I was ignoring her and that she doesn't text on demand either. Then I said I like to get back to people within a couple hours.
I've heard several women say that they don't text on demand and get back to people when they feel like it. I call a bit of BS on this. It seems that they are like everyone else, who wonders if they have been blown off if someone takes a day to get back to them. But then they want to feel like they can avoid others without having to say anything, like they need space. or are really looking to see if other plans will pan out.
I think that if you make a conscious decision to avoid someone, then you are being passive aggressive. You're trying to say something, by your avoidance, rather than confronting someone directly. Obviously, people can have really busy days, or they are dealing with a stalkerish person. I'm not talking about that. I'm just talking about plain old avoidance of friendly text/calls/emails. So then I wonder how to approach these avoiders. They seem to want to keep me in their life, but I feel like I have to downgrade them. Like they should get back only what they give.
GAMES! Good grief. Do what you would do without playing whatever game someone else is.
You called it...it's games. And all I hear is word games from that type of person when they talk about their behavior. Like I don't "text on demand". Well, of course, who does? But then guess what the exact opposite of "texting on demand" is? It's making a POINT to AVOID.
That behaviour is kind of annoying. But I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing, because I don't think that they deserve it. I would feel better to just not put the same effort out as before. So instead of being friends who communicate daily, they become a friend I keep in tough with from time to time. Give em what they ask for and never go out of your way for them, like you would for more reliable people.
I've never heard anyone say they don't text on demand, but sounds pretty rude to me.
It also sounds like they are assuming that you expect that they drop everything and watch their phone, which was never said or implied. I just take it like they reserve the right to be a flake and blow you off at any given time.
I am guessing you might be under 17? Maybe not. But this is a very typical scenario of the "instant gratification" generation where everything has to happen within a nano second. Social graces have gone by the wayside. There's a lot of growing up that has to happen here.
In this day and age, with everyone having a smart phone in hand, people assume that when they text you, you will be able to give them an immediate response. If you do not, they assume you do not want to respond, and never consider you may be busy or, amazingly, not grasping your phone in anticipation of receiving text messages!
The girl needs to relax, and realize that you have a life to live and that may not always include being on call to text messages.
What's behind taking a long time returning calls/text/emails on purpose?
A "long time" is interpreted differently by everyone. What may be a long time for you could be a typical time frame for another.
Know your audience. If they aren't making you the priority you want to be, it may be time to edit your contact list.
True. My definition is their previous pattern of behavior. So if it is a work day and they normally get back to me by the evening, then that is not a long time. If it is a non work day and they always have their phone on them and normally get back in a half hour, then talking several hours is a long time.
I'm not looking to make an issue of blowing me off, because it's pointless to try to change someone. But I think it is wise to downgrade the friendship if they are like that. For example, I would do favors for really good friends, like take them to the airport or help them with an errand, but if they are not there for me, then I will not be there for them. It goes both ways.
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