I actually think lots of conflict
is normal. We're an intensely social species and we expect the intensity specifically of courtship to continue after we've pair-bonded, which I don't believe most pair-bonding animals do. We are very in each other's faces first of all, and we subconsciously require that the mating interactions go on perfectly second of all.
In addition, our pre-sex rituals can last hours...or DAYS. Or even weeks.
(Technically.) Our pre-sex rituals include romance and talk and blah blah. Not to say other animals don't engage in elaborate mating rituals that involve communication and can last for days. They do. But afterward, generally they're either "in" for life without having to repeat every step of the ritual every time, or they disappear from the opposite sex until next spring.
("Whew. Glad THAT'S over.")
And in such a situation in the animal kingdom, the female does not expect the attention to go on and on post-mating, and the male does not expect the female to continue to be as enthusiastically "receptive" any time they want the female to be.
Everyone takes a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG break afterward. Sometimes a year-long break! Humans? We're receptive any day of any month all year as we might be able to become pregnant on any given month, so unlike some other animals, we can (and expect to) try, try again...with allllllllllll that same physical and emotional intensity.
It's a lot to keep up with, folks! From both sides.
I DO think all this intensity -- both emotionally and physically -- is,for humans, a recipe for a lot of conflict.
Eh. That's humanity for ya! We are none of us perfect. And this is our particular M.O. It's rife with struggle because:
1. There's never enough time for everybody to be romantic, engaging and give shows of virility/fertility
2. Therefore...somebody always ends up being gypped
3. ...Which leads to: misunderstandings from both sides
4. ...With a side order of "Maybe this is just how it's supposed to be...but then again, that's not what Hollywood says."
5. ...Which then leads to someone gypping the other person physically and/or emotionally
6. Which translates to issues all over the place as, like humans do, we tap-dance around the real issue and let the anger spill out into other issues
7. ...Which affects the sex life...
8. Lather, rinse, repeat
I'm not being cynical. I think misunderstandings like this are pretty much unavoidable in a species like ours that is so on top of one another and yet requires such social complexities, even between just two pair-bonded people. There are up sides to this type of mating too, so I'm not saying it's all bad. It definitely isn't.
Every animal has both "good" and "bad" to its mating style. But...I believe our very way of socializing and of mating is what causes conflict. It isn't necessarily insurmountable...as many couples have shown over and over.
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