Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
2,500,000 members. Thank you!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-23-2011, 10:44 PM
 
Location: WI
438 posts, read 1,725,927 times
Reputation: 493

Advertisements

Hi! I'm catching some heat from friends who think I should have starting dating again but I haven't been in the dating arena for over 20 years! To be honest, the idea is terrifying. For those who have been widowed or divorced, how did you get back into dating? Any tips or advice?

Thank you
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-23-2011, 10:46 PM
 
27,957 posts, read 39,564,705 times
Reputation: 26197
When it feels right to you, that is a good indicator.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-23-2011, 11:05 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,239 posts, read 34,350,803 times
Reputation: 73133
I can speak from the widowed perspective.

I waited 2 years, and started dating again. I didn't wait for anyone's opinion, or for how it looked, I started dating when it felt right to me. I had been very social for those two years, went out a lot for both night time activities and day ones and hadn't met anyone that interested me. So I did online dating. And yes, after being with my husband for 18 years I was TERRIFIED. I spent a lot of time chatting with the guys, and when I found one I was interested in, started talking to him on the phone. I think it was like over a month.

I eased into it slowly, and my comfort level - and I think that is the most important thing. Do it as you are comfortable with it, no one else. I needed to wait until I felt I was in a good enough mind frame to be someone that should be dating.

And really, I think that getting back into dating being widowed vs. divorced is like night and day. That comes from talking to friends who had been divorced.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-23-2011, 11:10 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,890,947 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
And really, I think that getting back into dating being widowed vs. divorced is like night and day. That comes from talking to friends who had been divorced.
It probably is... If you're a widow/er and you had a good marriage, you're not jaded and you're hopeful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-23-2011, 11:13 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,239 posts, read 34,350,803 times
Reputation: 73133
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
It probably is... If you're a widow/er and you had a good marriage, you're not jaded and you're hopeful.
Yeah, I was, but that sure as hell didn't prepare me well for dating!

(just kidding, it really wasn't bad, and I found a great guy who I adore. Almost to one year. )
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-24-2011, 06:13 AM
 
2,650 posts, read 3,002,953 times
Reputation: 3466
It was not all that long ago that I saw the beauty of a woman again. A small step but an important one I think as before that I had never even thought of dating outside of an abstract consideration in a vague future. Somewhere along in there I had also recognized a feeling long missed. It had been a while and I really wanted physical release, I needed it. For me that is where it started. I shared a moment in time with a young lady and I felt again some of those things forgotten. What it feels like to snuggle, a shared laugh, how you feel inside when you see her eyes light up when she looks at you. I have been in correspondence with her since she went down south. She wishes me to come there but I am yet undecided. This is where I now am, the ice is broken but much remains before me.

What I have learned so far.... Knowing if you're ready or not is where you must start but it may be hard to tell. I could not and I ended up waiting longer than I probably should have. I'm not sure how you get around that outside of putting a foot in the water and seeing what happens. Knowing what I know now I would have tried a little sooner and if it wasn't there put it on the back burner for a while. Also after a few decades of marriage there is going to be some things fighting against you. It was hard for me to open up to another woman. I'm not talking about spilling my deepest secrets, I'm talking about opening the door at all. This was kind of a nono for a married man. I also ran into it in the bedroom where I had this horrible feeling of cheating the first time. I tried to bolt but the girl talked me through it and I was fine after. In hindsight it would probably be a good idea to choose a partner carefully. I did not. She was understanding and kind and seemed to know just what I needed but this was through no forethought of mine, I got lucky. I imagine women would be more discriminating than I was as a man but its worth mentioning.

At any rate keep your chin up and don't stop believing in yourself or love. That would make you a fool like me and we need all the company we can get! I'll be watching this one as I take baby steps forward myself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-24-2011, 06:48 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,423,949 times
Reputation: 10808
First of all, don't think of it as "dating", think of it as a social outing. That takes off some of the pressure. Your preferences and comfort level will probably determine how you go about it, whether it's arranged through a friend, using a personal dating service, going to social events where you may meet someone, or online dating, etc. When I was ready, I put up a profile online, and within a couple of weeks I had my first meeting with someone. From there it just evolved, and before long I was comfortable dating and having a great time with it until I found my match.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-24-2011, 07:22 AM
 
37,388 posts, read 45,570,628 times
Reputation: 56639
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dea13 View Post
Hi! I'm catching some heat from friends who think I should have starting dating again but I haven't been in the dating arena for over 20 years! To be honest, the idea is terrifying. For those who have been widowed or divorced, how did you get back into dating? Any tips or advice?

Thank you
For me it was about waiting until my son was old enough to spend a couple of hours on his own. (I never did the babysitter thing.) So it was about 7 years for me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-24-2011, 07:22 AM
 
1,812 posts, read 3,341,898 times
Reputation: 751
when you feel mentally ready don't push yourself if you are just not interested. Being single can be fun
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-24-2011, 08:42 AM
 
Location: England
26,273 posts, read 8,373,307 times
Reputation: 31333
When I got divorced almost 20 years ago, after 19 years of marriage, I did'nt have a
clue how I would start dating again. I heard of a nightclub in my area that had a singles
night on Mondays. I was a bit dubious, but thought I'd give it a try. It was so strange
walking in a nightclub at 40 years of age. It turned out great, the guy running it played
old music, everybody danced away, it was like being 20 again. The problem was some of
the women I met were very defensive, I suppose a little bitter at men. But, I met my wife
there, and we have been together almost 20 years. If there is something like that in your
area, give it a try - give you a chance to show off your old dance moves!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:03 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top