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I have a dilemma. I recently split up with someone ( I met at a previous job) I had dated for a few months. He wasn't the person I thought he was and it upset me to realise this. Despite this, I enjoyed being in a relationship again having been single for 2 years previous to this. I have never been married.
I miss being in a relationship, but am happy to wait until I find someone who deserves me. The problem is that I like a married man at work...a lot. I would never do anything about it as I know it is wrong. I have morals and principles and would never entertain the idea of an affair or try to tempt him. I would never want people at work to think of me as some hussy.
The dilemma I have is that I help this man with some of his work most days. I enjoy doing his work as mine can be quite dull and often I am looking for things to do to help the day pass. I am finding it increasingly difficult helping him because of how I have started feeling about him. I have only worked at this job a few months and it took me ages to get this job so leaving would be out of the question. I have thought of asking someone else to help him with his work, but it is part of my job description and I am expected to do it. I also really enjoy the work I do for him as it is very interesting.
I don't know what to do. We work in small offices next to each other and I see him a lot of the day. I think I have developed these feelings because I am single and missing being with someone and he is someone that I am very attracted to that makes me laugh and gives me attention. I am worried that I am going to make a fool of myself.
I am 38 and have no friends to go out with. I need to build up some sort of life of my own but don't know how to go about it. Can anyone please give me some sensible advice. I am at such a low and don't know how to motivate myself and get past this problem. I have just got a pay rise as my boss is very pleased with me and wants me to stay. That is a positive and I am pleased, but my life is empty and a waste of time.
Find a new job - now.
You are climbing up a very slippery slope and your loneliness is making you weak.
Move along, or at the very least quit "helping" this coworker at all, and find a job you are passionate about.
Last edited by lovesMountains; 08-27-2011 at 06:58 PM..
I can't really relate to OP, but in terms of wasting space I think I"m doing that tonight!
I'm sitting at home and I actually got bored enough to play my Nintendo DS. For the first time in like a year I'm playing a video game. lol I'm so bored!
The only thing wrong with you is you are mentally reinforcing the belief that you are not complete just as you are and that is causing sadness. Instead of focusing on how to make yourself happy with another, why don't you try listening to what your inner voice is saying to you about what it wants to be happy while you are alone?
Ask yourself: what would I do to make myself happy without looking to others if nothing else was off the table? Then follow what your heart says. Then, while you are making yourself happy, you will be less desperate for an outside source of happiness but open if one comes along.
I would seriously suggest you write down everything that you like to do. Also, try something different every once in a while. Once you get your list of things to do, select 1 or 2 items and start to pursue it.
Than go down you list to the next items.
.....and start rebuilding your life the way YOU want it to be.
If you need a man to complete you, you will never find happiness.
I totally agree with you which is why I am asking for advice on how to have a life of my own and get the courage to do stuff.
I am not working with my ex, we met in a previous job.
Don't get me wrong, I am very, very appreciative of having a job, it took me ages to get one and I will concentrate on my work more to block out any misguided feelngs for the co-worker. My boss is taking me on a visit soon to study the work that this co-worker does so this work isn't something I can just stop doing, it is part of my job description. But I really want to maintain a professional attitude at work, I just needed to hear it and other stuff from you guys to give me a kick up the backside really.
I spent all of yesterday looking at courses in my area and music lessons which I can do, but when I think about going out and doing them my throat tightens and I feel tense. I think I need to work on my confidence somehow. Has anyone else had confidence problems? People usually tell me I'm a nice person and I can be quite funny sometimes, but through my life people have told me I'm weird as I can be quite introverted, yet quirky aswell. It's the fear of meeting new people and not being accepted I guess and I think i've always waited for things to happen to me because I'm too scared to go out and fail.
I agree with Ron. People feel their life is empty when what they do isn't what they love. Maybe, as Ron suggests, you could spend some time really focusing on yourself - what you want, what you love, what you could try...
What I am currently discovering is that in one's community there are soooo many activities - many free - that are on offer and yet no one knows of them! Dancing classes, arts and crafts/painting classes, meditation sessions, book clubs, film clubs, etc., etc., etc. You could also look into doing a short course on whatever you fancy - short-story writing, flower arranging, journalism, mechanics, interior decoration - you name it and there will be something available. Maybe you could try looking on the internet or your local library or community centre for available activities.
This will also enable you to meet people
I hope this helps - good luck!
Very, very good idea. The best way to find people is to just get involved. Start doing things you love doing. You'll meet new people who are just like yourself.
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