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See, this is where you lose me. I'm not talking about forcing anything on anyone. If Leah laughs this off and says, "no way", then fine. But she's an 18 year-old adult, capable of making her own decisions. And if Trish says, "no way", then that's fine, too. So if both, as adults capable of making their own decisions, think it's a workable idea... how is this any of the things you claim it is?
And what if she just thinks you're an old creep? It's not like you can take it back.
It does sound like your wife has issues, which would sort of explain the fantasy, but why don't you just find a new wife instead of an "extra" wife?
Let's see...you have disciplinary problems with the kids, but why is it your wife's job to handle that? Isn't that up to both of you?
The credit problems, the home problems, all of it...such a terrible thing for your kids.
I realized I had to be an adult for my kids. I couldn't be the kid. I had to be responsible, and sometimes, it is saying yes and sometimes no.
All the things in the house don't matter if there isn't integrity and love.
She doesn't cook meals? Does she work full time too, or is she at home? I take it she doesn't work from your letter. I didn't work when I was married for most of the marriage, and I put 3 meals on the table, kept the house clean, and took care of my kids because they are precious to me. I didn't have my kids till I was in my 30s, and I was so happy to have them. I took care of the home, which allowed my ex to get ahead at work, he didn't have to worry about the small stuff...the clothes were washed and ready, etc.
When I went back to school, I didn't have time to spare. I would bring my son to his hockey practices, sometimes, they were at 6:30am on Saturdays, so I brought my textbooks and alternated studying and watching him at the rink.
I sat through all his baseball games the same way.
I attended all my daughter and son's orchestra concerts at school.
I always had a dinner on the table, sometimes pot roast, sometimes pizza.
I drove so much, I felt I lived in my car.
I used to look the other way, when the dust built up and I had to study, because I knew I had to get through school, and maybe someday, I would have time to keep my home clean again.
In my most honest and humble opinion, maybe you two need to sit down and talk, and put the cards on the table. Hiring a girl to fill in for her isn't the answer, whether it is cleaning, taking care of the kids, or being a surrogate wife.
Maybe you need to tell her what is really going on, that you hired someone to take her place, because she won't do the things she needs to do, and for God's sake, ASK her WHY she won't? Is she simply lazy, or is she being passive aggressive to you, because of something she is angry at you about?
You don't want to yell or get angry at her? I sure would be. Sometimes, getting mad about something is warranted. But you haven't ever said why she won't do the things that a parent should do.
The credit card fiasco was deceptive, because although the card might be in her name, and the credit is seen in her name...the courts see all debt as joint marital debt, so it's half yours too, if you divorce. So, when you faced her with that big lie, that deception, what did she say?
She is okay with being replaced? Something here doesn't add up...
And you know, when I have tried to have a real honest talk with someone, and they close up, are unresponsive, or walk off...that's my answer then, because life is too short to deal with selfish people.
I am wondering what your kids would have to say, what they think of all of this, because it sounds like the disciplinary problems, as your wife calls them, sound like a cry for help. Boy, I'd sure hate it if I was a kid, and I just got dropped off for a game or practice, when Mom didn't have to be at work or something. And I realize there are always exceptions to things.
You don't want to divorce her, but you have hired someone to take her place. Divorce will mean parting with money, which is the number one reason people stay in bad marriages. There was one thing I had to do, before divorcing and that was to put my cards on the table. I had to work on myself, first, before I left. I had to deal with the parts that were mine, and see if that helped change things. Yeah, I had an expectation that if I changed, maybe he would, but he didn't...
Life is far too short, to be so immersed in what society tells you is popular or worthy.
I had to find it on my own, and when I couldn't pay the bills, when I got out of school, and when I got pneumonia, and wondered if I would survive it after being sick for 5 solid weeks...I learned how life humbles us.
Yeah, I'm on a soapbox here, because I see couples who have it all, and here I am, struggling to make it on my own. This makes me want to scream, because of what it would take to make me happy, and now, at this point in my life, it isn't much.
Sorry if I sound preachy, but I don't have what your wife has.
My wife certainly does have her mental health problems, too. Diagnosed bipolar and who knows what else. And that isn't anything she can get from me or because of the way I treat her, either. Fact of the matter is, we didn't have the kinds of marital problems we did until I discovered she had racked up about $12k in credit card debt unbeknownst to me while I was completing a graduate degree. I discovered it when we were refinancing a mortgage, and we got a copy of the credit report.
So how would some husbands handle this? Get a divorce? Maybe. Yell at their spouse? Lots would do that. I have chosen not to divorce my wife. If she wants the divorce, she can apply for it. That would be her call, not mine. But I have realized there are certain things she just cannot do. So instead of hollering about it and telling her she has to do these things, I have hired the help it takes to get these tasks done. That way I don't have to get mad at my wife and she doesn't have to feel like she's doing things she doesn't want to be doing.
After reading the feedback I have gotten here, it is unlikely I will make any proposition to Leah. More likely, I'll just look for a replacement. But Leah has proven to be a much better mother and homemaker than my wife has ever been or ever will be.
You must realize her being bipolar explains atleast 95 percent of what you've said? The fact that you've decided to stay married could be considered admirable, but only if you don't make her feel like crap for it.
It does sound like getting permanent help makes sense, but realistically is doesn't need to be a 18 year old hottie does it? If you need a thrill that bad, just go pay someone. Other people do it apparently.
This was my sentiment too. Bi-polar can be quite a deal. Does she take medication and see a competent psychiatrist? Bi-polar can be quite significant.
Totally agree here, and if she also feels he has lost interest in her, showing attention to the babysitter, her confidence level just drops even further to where she feels like nothing.
[font=Georgia]So Bob came up with THE solution for me. I just have to figure out how to pitch it. Bob and I both follow Big Love. So does Leah, so she knows about The Principle and how it works, etc. I imagine you can see where this is headed.... Bill Henrickson married the babysitter (Margene). Bob suggested I bring Leah into the family as second wife. We live in a cul-de-sac, and I am reasonably sure I could make an offer to one of the other families next to us that would get us adjoining properties. I even think Trish could possibly be talked into going along with it.
Um dude.....
Let's get this straight. You want a marriage of convenience with a little side-action cause the girl is hot?
What on earth does this have to do with "The Priciple". Are you a practicing member of Mormon fundamentalism? These people, right or wrong [i'm not the judge and jury] believe this because it is part of their religious faith.
Even "Bill Hendrickson" believes these things have to be celestially ordained. Not a matter of convenience and lust.
Sounds like leachery to me. I'm sure your wife will be thrilled.
My mother has what is called SchizoAffective Disorder, which is basicly symptoms from Schizophrenia/BiPolar. Last time she was in the hospital (which was only 3 weeks ago), my sister made the comment that it was all my mom's fault anyway she ended up in the hospital. A person that has to deal with her on a day to day might thing that, but since I don't live in the state, I see if differently.
She was perfectly fine for nearly 5 years on her meds, and then my brother borrowed a rather large sum of money which caused her to be late on her car insurance and get behind on most of her bills...which led to a major depression which totally threw off EVERYTHING! But, was it her fault? Absolutely not. This last time, my sister had her watching her kids several times a week plus she was working more days than usual at her part time gig. So she gets overtired, can't sleep, forgets her med....and it goes on and on.
But again, it is NOT her fault.... It's a disease, like it or not. But I'm sure you already know this.
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
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Many good points here but I still don't understand why you want to hold on to a marriage that is obviously not a good marriage, and prefer to put up with how things are. Your means of putting up is by hitting on someone who shouldn't have even crossed your mind, and getting a replacement (for sex I guess) is not the ethical thing to do either.
Are you looking for the perfect mother and housekeeper only, with some sex on the side? Jeez if there was anything good about your marriage, you would be dealing with the important issues and not about keeping the house clean or cooking a meal.
If you can afford to have "maids" and Leah, is the no divorce about money? You'll be in the poorhouse?
If you're just interested in good home cooked meals and a clean house, then get an old fart to do just that, and dedicate some time to get to the crux of the wife's problem.
One other thing - You didn't really need our opinion or our criticism about your thoughts on Leah. If that's what you wanted to do, you would do it regardless of what anybody says. You also said in another post that it would be unlikely that you would pursue the Leah mental scenario, so what's all this about anyway?
When Shuke used the word "Hot" to describe the babysitter, it said so many things.
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Bi-polar is a big deal...
A person that has to deal with her on a day to day might thing that, but since I don't live in the state, I see if differently. 