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So because I meet these guys' stated criteria and am confused as to why they're rejecting me before we've even had a single email exchange, I need a therapist?
I suppose if I applied for a CPA job with a resume matching all the job requirements and was told at the interview, "Sorry, I know we said we're looking for a CPA but actually we want a clerk-typist," I shouldn't be at all confused or annoyed by that?
I don't think you're getting it. This actully was a nice, kind rejection. Have you ever not wanted to go to an event or accept an invittion from someone and you tell them you would love to but you have a schedule conflict on that date?
It's called a white lie, and actually, it's nice tht you are getting kind notes of rejection rather than just being ignored. Just take it as a no, which is what it is (and yes, it probably has to do with your not being their physical type) and move on.
lovesMountains -
I get what you're saying, but I don't think my first contact messages are at all desperate. They generally go something like this:
"Hi! I see that you're really into[listed item], and I am too. I also like [other listed item] and [other listed item]. One thing that really appeals to me about your profile is the way your [specific trait I'm sensing from what they wrote, like sense of humor, positive attitude, work ethic, etc.] comes through.
Please take a look at my profile, and if you think we might hit it off, message me. Thanks!"
I also don't think there's anything smacking of desperation in my profile, and I've actually had a couple of brutally honest male friends vet it for me. They're the type of friends who will give an honest answer to the question, "What do you think of my new hair cut?" no matter how much it cost. Plus, I'm not one of those folks who doesn't feel my life is complete without a boyfriend or husband; my sister's like that, but not me. I'm just trying to get myself out there and meet people, contacting those where I match what they say they're looking for.
There must be various things the guys see in my profile that make them decide not to contact me (single mom? think I'm geographically undesirable? only like blondes? politics mismatch? etc.), which is fine. I just wish they'd at least let me know what those things are, after so strongly urging me to contact them in the first place based on all these supposedly very important criteria of theirs.
It's called a white lie, and actually, it's nice tht you are getting kind notes of rejection rather than just being ignored. Just take it as a no, which is what it is (and yes, it probably has to do with your not being their physical type) and move on.
Actually, the vast majority don't reply at all. It wouldn't bother me much---I mean, I know it's not easy to write a tactful rejection message---, were it not for these guys literally urging women to contact them based on certain, specific things.
But I'm sure you're right, regardless of all the supposedly important criteria in other areas, it probably all comes down to the physical when the rubber hits the road.
But I'm sure you're right, regardless of all the supposedly important criteria in other areas, it probably all comes down to the physical when the rubber hits the road.
lovesMountains -
I get what you're saying, but I don't think my first contact messages are at all desperate. They generally go something like this:
"Hi! I see that you're really into[listed item], and I am too. I also like [other listed item] and [other listed item]. One thing that really appeals to me about your profile is the way your [specific trait I'm sensing from what they wrote, like sense of humor, positive attitude, work ethic, etc.] comes through.
Please take a look at my profile, and if you think we might hit it off, message me. Thanks!"
I also don't think there's anything smacking of desperation in my profile, and I've actually had a couple of brutally honest male friends vet it for me. They're the type of friends who will give an honest answer to the question, "What do you think of my new hair cut?" no matter how much it cost. Plus, I'm not one of those folks who doesn't feel my life is complete without a boyfriend or husband; my sister's like that, but not me. I'm just trying to get myself out there and meet people, contacting those where I match what they say they're looking for.
There must be various things the guys see in my profile that make them decide not to contact me (single mom? think I'm geographically undesirable? only like blondes? politics mismatch? etc.), which is fine. I just wish they'd at least let me know what those things are, after so strongly urging me to contact them in the first place based on all these supposedly very important criteria of theirs.
Ignore my advice at your own peril - I can't make you take it even if it is the best thing you can do and will get you what you want sooner than what you are currently doing will.
At least do yourself half a favor and reread what I wrote to try to let it sink in - you really need to hear it.
So because I meet these guys' stated criteria and am confused as to why they're rejecting me before we've even had a single email exchange, I need a therapist?
I suppose if I applied for a CPA job with a resume matching all the job requirements and was told at the interview, "Sorry, I know we said we're looking for a CPA but actually we want a clerk-typist," I shouldn't be at all confused or annoyed by that?
Ignore Ant - that therapy dig was aimed at me, not you.
I'll never understand why some people put so much stock into shared obscure interests. It's certainly nice and helpful to have some interests in common, but that's not what this game is about...
The subject of this thread is the story of my life. My favorite rejection line has always been that I'm so much better than them they wouldmt want me putting up with their loserdom. Lol alritghty then.
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