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That's an actual response I got to a message I sent on OKC today. He went on to elaborate that he thought my profile and photos are great, but he thinks when people are TOO well-matched, the relationship won't work because it's boring.
Time and again, I contact guys who appeal to me and say they're looking for all these specific things where I can check each and every one off the list with a, "Yep, that's me!" They also say things like, "bonus points if you like [insert obscure TV show/movie/author/musician]," "and DEFINITELY contact me if you know what [insert obscure hobby/ food/ sport/ game/ martial art] is!" And I am all the things they say they want, and I do like [first obscure thing] and I do know what [second obscure thing] is. I'm not overweight, and the few guys I have been on dates with have said I'm very attractive.
So WTF?!
I can accept that I just won't be the right physical "type" for some guys, like maybe they really go for the blonde beach babe, whereas I'm the more exotic type. But for the rest, why list all these very specific things they say they want in an ideal mate if they're going to reject a woman who IS all those things and is reasonably attractive?! Why enthusiastically invite women to contact you based on those criteria, then either let the contact go unanswered or reply to that very first message with a rejection?! If, as you claim, you've been searching the whole wide world for a woman who meets your lengthy and specific criteria, why wouldn't you at least be willing to exchange an email or two before deciding to reject a woman who even might be a fit?!
Sorry to vent so openly; that "we're too compatible" message just really burned my toast today. I'm normally much more upbeat and positive, and probably will be again in a few hours.
Too compatible? That's a new one. No matter how compatible, you're different people and not clones, so unless you're both boring to begin with, I doubt that it would be a real issue. My wife and I are extremely compatible, and our relationship has been anything but boring! It's been exciting, because almost anything we think of doing, the other is good to try it rather than killing the idea and creativity.
There are a zillion reasons he wasn't interested. This was just a slightly more creative rejection. I wouldn't wallow on it; it's basically the "it's not you, it's me" response.
Develop some new hobbies, set some more personal goals (like deciding to run a marathon next year that you need all this year to prepare for, that kind of thing), find ways to volunteer helping kids and senior citizens. Get out of your own head.
The thing is, you're trying too hard.
And sometimes, trying too hard comes off as "desparate".
Forget about actively seeking a man and ruminating all the time over "what do men want???" and then actually wasting massive amounts of time trying to figure it out.
The reality is, we can spend all day long listing what we want in a mate, but when the right one shows up they rarely look like the person we've created with our list.
It's plain and simple, it all comes down to chemistry.
You can have all the right traits, moves and characteristics - but if your chemistry doesn't mix with his chemistry to set off an explosion in your mind and body there is just no fixing that.
Let it go. Get out there and enjoy your life instead.
Doing that will attract more men to you in the long run, so there will be better odds of the chemical explosion you need
That's an actual response I got to a message I sent on OKC today. He went on to elaborate that he thought my profile and photos are great, but he thinks when people are TOO well-matched, the relationship won't work because it's boring.
Time and again, I contact guys who appeal to me and say they're looking for all these specific things where I can check each and every one off the list with a, "Yep, that's me!" They also say things like, "bonus points if you like [insert obscure TV show/movie/author/musician]," "and DEFINITELY contact me if you know what [insert obscure hobby/ food/ sport/ game/ martial art] is!" And I am all the things they say they want, and I do like [first obscure thing] and I do know what [second obscure thing] is. I'm not overweight, and the few guys I have been on dates with have said I'm very attractive.
So WTF?!
I can accept that I just won't be the right physical "type" for some guys, like maybe they really go for the blonde beach babe, whereas I'm the more exotic type. But for the rest, why list all these very specific things they say they want in an ideal mate if they're going to reject a woman who IS all those things and is reasonably attractive?! Why enthusiastically invite women to contact you based on those criteria, then either let the contact go unanswered or reply to that very first message with a rejection?! If, as you claim, you've been searching the whole wide world for a woman who meets your lengthy and specific criteria, why wouldn't you at least be willing to exchange an email or two before deciding to reject a woman who even might be a fit?!
Sorry to vent so openly; that "we're too compatible" message just really burned my toast today. I'm normally much more upbeat and positive, and probably will be again in a few hours.
Sounds very serious. You need to get help to sort this out. Probably a therapist.
There are a zillion reasons he wasn't interested. This was just a slightly more creative rejection. I wouldn't wallow on it; it's basically the "it's not you, it's me" response.
Thanks for clarifying. RE: fish in the sea...it's incredibly frustrating to me how all these guys list what they're looking for, strongly encourage women to contact them based on specific things, then ignore or reject a responder from the jump without even giving her a chance. If she meets his 15-point list of Dream Girl Desirables, isn't she worth at least one open-minded email exchange before the guy decides it's not a fit?
It's like a bait and switch. I mean, why do they post a list of what they're looking for and encourage women to contact them based on specific tastes or references if they're still going to reject a woman who matches the list and stated tastes/references?
Sounds very serious. You need to get help to sort this out. Probably a therapist.
So because I meet these guys' stated criteria and am confused as to why they're rejecting me before we've even had a single email exchange, I need a therapist?
I suppose if I applied for a CPA job with a resume matching all the job requirements and was told at the interview, "Sorry, I know we said we're looking for a CPA but actually we want a clerk-typist," I shouldn't be at all confused or annoyed by that?
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RE: fish in the sea...it's incredibly frustrating to me how all these guys list what they're looking for, strongly encourage women to contact them based on specific things, then ignore or reject a responder from the jump without even giving her a chance. If she meets his 15-point list of Dream Girl Desirables, isn't she worth at least one open-minded email exchange before the guy decides it's not a fit? 
