Honesty & relationships. (wife, how to, love, sex)
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At what point do you lie to your spouse/Gf/Bf? Where do you draw the line at being totally honest with them? Do you really tell them that they are starting to put on weight? Do you dare tell your wife/Gf that her butt looks big in that dress? What about more personal things like sex? Do your tell them that they are lacking in the bedroom? Do you tell your Gf/wife that you & your buddies went to the local strip club after work? What is acceptable NOT tell your spouse/gf/bf?
At what point do you lie to your spouse/Gf/Bf? Where do you draw the line at being totally honest with them? Do you really tell them that they are starting to put on weight? Do you dare tell your wife/Gf that her butt looks big in that dress? What about more personal things like sex? Do your tell them that they are lacking in the bedroom? Do you tell your Gf/wife that you & your buddies went to the local strip club after work? What is acceptable NOT tell your spouse/gf/bf?
That is without getting killed or worse!!
Sometimes you just can't win, you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
If you're asking for specifics, I'd have a hard time helping you. However, I would say that it's probably best at drawing the line at being downright mean. It's mean to call ANYONE fat, not just your spouse. It's NOT mean to tell them where you are when you get off work...that's common courtesy.
At what point do you lie to your spouse/Gf/Bf? Where do you draw the line at being totally honest with them? Do you really tell them that they are starting to put on weight? Do you dare tell your wife/Gf that her butt looks big in that dress? What about more personal things like sex? Do your tell them that they are lacking in the bedroom? Do you tell your Gf/wife that you & your buddies went to the local strip club after work? What is acceptable NOT tell your spouse/gf/bf?
That is without getting killed or worse!!
When you are ready to hear everything that is wrong with you, I guess that is when you can be *honest*. The problem with this might be that the other person has no desire to hurt your feelings.
People change when they see something better, wish the same for themselves (by being inspired) and have a plan on how to get there.
If there are issues that are affecting your relationship or sex life and you are unhappy -- then you need to discuss it. However, you do not do this in a hostile or degrading way. When you are NOT having sex or have just finished you bring up the subject.
If she is lacking in bed, then what can she do to make it better? It would be best to start the conversation with some ideas in mind that the both of you could try. The weight issue is a bit more tricky, since that could be happening for a variety of reasons including stress or medical issues. Was she heavy in the past?
At what point do you lie to your spouse/Gf/Bf? Where do you draw the line at being totally honest with them? Do you really tell them that they are starting to put on weight? Do you dare tell your wife/Gf that her butt looks big in that dress? What about more personal things like sex? Do your tell them that they are lacking in the bedroom? Do you tell your Gf/wife that you & your buddies went to the local strip club after work? What is acceptable NOT tell your spouse/gf/bf?
That is without getting killed or worse!!
Most people call this "reasoning", or "common sense".
Tact has jack to do with it. There are things partners DO NOT want to hear, regardless of the manner in which it is approached. Focusing on the "tact" angle to this question, is re-arranging deck chairs.
Honesty has scathing elements to it. Which is why people speak out of both sides of their mouth when they demand honesty; it sounds good to declare such demand, but most aren't really all that emotional ready to take it.
At what point do you lie to your spouse/Gf/Bf? Where do you draw the line at being totally honest with them? Do you really tell them that they are starting to put on weight? Do you dare tell your wife/Gf that her butt looks big in that dress? What about more personal things like sex? Do your tell them that they are lacking in the bedroom? Do you tell your Gf/wife that you & your buddies went to the local strip club after work? What is acceptable NOT tell your spouse/gf/bf?
That is without getting killed or worse!!
These are hard questions. But the guiding line should be: after you tell them, will they benefit in some way, will it help in some way? or will it ONLY hurt them?
If it will hurt them, I wouldn't tell. Why? They are the ones who will get to live with a burden of this knowledge and it will cause them pain.
Like going to a strip club: of course don't tell. It will hurt the spouse (most likely) and what benefit? none
about the fatness, only if they ask, say something in between the truth and reality, something like "you got a little bigger but i love you anyways" if they are really asking about that (make sure you listen, she might just need affirmations that whatever shape she is in, that's still is ok with you
so if she said: did I get too fat? she meant: did I get too fat for you too like me... a little lying will do good for both of you (she won't get hurt and thus you two will still be happy)
as far as them lacking in the bedroom, only can tell if they are very confident in themselves and you KNOW that they will try to change to accommodate you
otherwise, it will just hurt them and make them feel insecure and act even worse in the bedroom
instead of telling them what they do wrong, try telling them what you would like to be done if possible
and don't tell the wife of your affairs
it will only make her feel bad
the statement that 'truth is better no matter what" is completely false I think
what's better: hurting someone with the truth for no good reason, OR letting them be happy in blissful ignorance of truth?
it is better to break things with the truth because of some mistakes (for no good reason) or keep things going well with blissful lies? [/quote]
The rule should be: try lying only to prevent hurting the situation or the spouse. But try to be truthful in other places, so the spouse can still trust you.
Lie only as long as it doesn't HURT the spouse.
Lie to help, not to hurt
Of course it's best not to do things that would need you to lie, but if it happens...
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