Is it because Im a black woman.... (marriage, sex, attractive)
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1. He's gay.
2. He doesn't find you attractive at all for reasons aside from you being different from what he normally dates.
3. He's extremely shy and has no game whatsoever.
Those are the only three possibilities. You being a black woman has nothing to do with it. If a guy finds a woman attractive, he's going to want to sleep with her regardless of her race or what he's used to. Guys don't have the same mindset as most females.
It could be a religious person, and doesn't believe in sex before marriage. It could also be that he thought of you as a friend and wasn't really attracted to you, and so even when it was offered, he didn't want to lead you into thinking it could turn into a relationship. He maybe was also leary that a woman may be just trying to get herself pregnant and then get him for child support. You might just try to ask him for an honest answer and promise not to get angry with him for his answer.
Making a very long story short.....I met this man black man almost 6mts ago at my part-time job(he's no longer there btw)....We are both late 30's with no kids....Anywho...sta rted to talking to this man, got to know him real well......went out here and there for drinks/dinner. Come to find out he was adopted by "white" parents.....Im like Ok..they adopted you, they raised you and loved you as their own...Thats cool...Thats your family...Ok.. Also found out that the majority of his friends were white....and that most of his girlfriends have been white...Still Cool with that...after all they are his past....After a month of dating, noticed that he had not kissed me or tried to anything....Finally after 2 mths of dating..I do get a quick peck on the lips.....Im like WOw....ok. Dont' sweat it though......After feeling comfortable with him...i finally invite him over to the crib..(Yes Im thinking maybe I'll get some...Yes its been a while.)...But did he didnt try anything no...didnt even kiss me...So Im like hmm....Im finally upfront with him and ask him about our situation....He says we will get together soon....Im like ok...but still after a couple of months of periodical dating...we still havent crossed the line. He's finally upfront with me and decide he just not feeling the physicality of the relationship....I've moved on...but just thought to myself how could he just string me along like that...Honestly...ma ybe jumping the gun...Is it possible that he had never been with a black woman....Just dont know what to think......? He reacted like no other "BRUH" I know..... Was really being sympathetic to his past and situations....I mean..I'll work with a brotha....but really think I got the 'shaft" in this situation.....Yes we stared out as really good friends..but got to know him a little better...and yes maybe I did fall for him...and Yes I did ask his intentions early on..... WTF happened....We no longer physically go out...but he texts me weekly.....to say hi and talk for a bit.....Really want to cut him loose because its not healthy for me..What do you think?
First of all maybe he's just not attracted to you. Even if he doesn't date black women, I'm pretty sure he would still sleep with one if she was attractive enough. I don't care how much a women throws it at me if I'm not attracted to her it ain't going to happen. Second of all how did he string you along? Unless he came out and said you all were a couple or said he wanted to date you then that's different. But for most men going on a couple of dates doesn't mean anything.
I see where you are going with this, but I don't think it has anything to do with you being black. He just isn't attracted to you in that way, but he thinks you are really cool to be around. I have gone on dates with women and hung out with women that wanted to sleep with me, but I didn't find them attractive so it didn't happen, but I really did enjoy hanging with them. This is more than likely the case. Having said that, if you were developing feelings for him and you can't handle just being hang out buddies, then yeah, just cut him off. You don't owe him anything, and that's including friendship.
Making a very long story short.....I met this man black man almost 6mts ago at my part-time job(he's no longer there btw)....We are both late 30's with no kids....Anywho...sta rted to talking to this man, got to know him real well......went out here and there for drinks/dinner. Come to find out he was adopted by "white" parents.....Im like Ok..they adopted you, they raised you and loved you as their own...Thats cool...Thats your family...Ok.. Also found out that the majority of his friends were white....and that most of his girlfriends have been white...Still Cool with that...after all they are his past....After a month of dating, noticed that he had not kissed me or tried to anything....Finally after 2 mths of dating..I do get a quick peck on the lips.....Im like WOw....ok. Dont' sweat it though......After feeling comfortable with him...i finally invite him over to the crib..(Yes Im thinking maybe I'll get some...Yes its been a while.)...But did he didnt try anything no...didnt even kiss me...So Im like hmm....Im finally upfront with him and ask him about our situation....He says we will get together soon....Im like ok...but still after a couple of months of periodical dating...we still havent crossed the line. He's finally upfront with me and decide he just not feeling the physicality of the relationship....I've moved on...but just thought to myself how could he just string me along like that...Honestly...ma ybe jumping the gun...Is it possible that he had never been with a black woman....Just dont know what to think......? He reacted like no other "BRUH" I know..... Was really being sympathetic to his past and situations....I mean..I'll work with a brotha....but really think I got the 'shaft" in this situation.....Yes we stared out as really good friends..but got to know him a little better...and yes maybe I did fall for him...and Yes I did ask his intentions early on..... WTF happened....We no longer physically go out...but he texts me weekly.....to say hi and talk for a bit.....Really want to cut him loose because its not healthy for me..What do you think?
Actually, the shaft is what you DIDN'T get.
Anyway, seems as if the guy is either extremely shy with women and is scared to make a move or he's just not into you.
Making a very long story short.....I met this man black man almost 6mts ago at my part-time job(he's no longer there btw)....We are both late 30's with no kids....Anywho...sta rted to talking to this man, got to know him real well......went out here and there for drinks/dinner. Come to find out he was adopted by "white" parents.....Im like Ok..they adopted you, they raised you and loved you as their own...Thats cool...Thats your family...Ok.. Also found out that the majority of his friends were white....and that most of his girlfriends have been white...Still Cool with that...after all they are his past....After a month of dating, noticed that he had not kissed me or tried to anything....Finally after 2 mths of dating..I do get a quick peck on the lips.....Im like WOw....ok. Dont' sweat it though......After feeling comfortable with him...i finally invite him over to the crib..(Yes Im thinking maybe I'll get some...Yes its been a while.)...But did he didnt try anything no...didnt even kiss me...So Im like hmm....Im finally upfront with him and ask him about our situation....He says we will get together soon....Im like ok...but still after a couple of months of periodical dating...we still havent crossed the line. He's finally upfront with me and decide he just not feeling the physicality of the relationship....I've moved on...but just thought to myself how could he just string me along like that...Honestly...ma ybe jumping the gun...Is it possible that he had never been with a black woman....Just dont know what to think......? He reacted like no other "BRUH" I know..... Was really being sympathetic to his past and situations....I mean..I'll work with a brotha....but really think I got the 'shaft" in this situation.....Yes we stared out as really good friends..but got to know him a little better...and yes maybe I did fall for him...and Yes I did ask his intentions early on..... WTF happened....We no longer physically go out...but he texts me weekly.....to say hi and talk for a bit.....Really want to cut him loose because its not healthy for me..What do you think?
Good morning,
None of us are going to have the right answer, only assumptions. Have a casual, non-judgmental conversation with him and ask what you want to know. That's the easiest and quickest way to figure out what's going on.
Based on his "we'll get together soon" it seems like he's not interested enough, but once again only he has the real answer. Ask him so you can move on as a happy couple or so you can get on with your life with someone who will truly care for you.
Also, if you decide to "cut him off" as others have suggested, at least let him know why. Maybe this feedback will help with the next girl, instead of him simply thinking you ghosted on him (and not seeing his own role/fault in the situation).
Last edited by Freedom123; 10-19-2011 at 08:11 AM..
I think he liked you but has a set idea of what his partner should be... and that's a reflection on him and of his experiences and maybe even of what he thinks people will say... and not on you.
If you did discuss intentions and all that good stuff then you know you weren't just solely imagining things or inventing possibilities, so take it for what it's worth and most likely it is because you are black...
Sorry girlfriend, he just isn't into you...nothing wrong with that. He probably just wanted to keep it on a friendly level and that's ok. I doubt it has anything to do with race. If it did, I doubt you'd even be friends. I have to respect him that he didn't try anything with you..what man does that these days...lol..
Thought I was very patient with this man and considerate of his feelings.....Did not judge his past..but you would think after 6-7 months of dating.. you would know if you wanted sexual relations....
Thought I was very patient with this man and considerate of his feelings.....Did not judge his past..but you would think after 6-7 months of dating.. you would know if you wanted sexual relations....
I think he did know...He knew he didn't want to. He just never said anything
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