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You see, this one of those rare but unique circumstances that I think are absolutely critical in terms of what is said or not said. My personal opinion is that most women feel a little (if not a lot) vulnerable when they're alone inside of an elevator with a man. It's a small, confined area and it would give a would-be attacker a very perfect opportunity so I could certainly understand the extra alertness.
Now, it seems like "the girls of my dreams" always happen to run into me in these kinds of situations and it's always awkward for me as well because I'm always thinking she thinks I'm ready to pounce... And I am...
But, I've always felt like there was something I could say to put her at ease. I thought of this little limerick but I'm not sure if it'd do the trick or not:
Looks like we're both confined in a small space,
headed for pretty much the same place.
When we arrive on the twenty-fifth floor,
I'll follow you to your door,
And we'll make love as I pound in your face.
Short of that, and getting thrown in jail, I think there should be something I could say to put her at ease even if I'm not looking to hit on her. Twenty-five floors could seem like an eternity for her if she's wondering about the precise moment I might do something sinister. Couldn't I just say "I know this is awkward. I promise I'm not a killer."
Should she follow that up with "have you ever had a stilletto to the nuts? I don't do it often but you seem like a great candidate"
Let's say you're at a hotel bar knocking back a few drinks and you decide it's time for bed. Meaning no harm whatsoever, you get in the elevator, and being that your room is on the 25th floor, you have quite a way to go. You go up one floor and the elevator stops. In walks the girl of your dreams. I mean... She's smoking hot - by your standards. She presses the button for the 25th floor as well. Now, you're both obligated to take the ride to the top where she's seen your perverted eyes looking at her already. The fact alone that you probably smell like booze isn't going to help and she's probably a little creeped out being stuck in an elevator with a guy such as yourself.
So, what do you say? Nothing? Pretend like you are both on separate planets? That seems like it would work until you both have to get off on the 25th floor together. But, then, she'll think you're following her (unless you really are).
I always thought a gentle joke would help to lighten the mood and assuage her of her doubts. Cracking a little joke like, "I just want you to know that I have to get off on the 25th floor too so don't think I'm following you just to rape you. I actually have a room to go to."
Then, I thought that perhaps that might come across a little bad because it doesn't seem like the most suave thing to say. So, I thought perhaps something like "I have to get off on the 25th floor but that doesn't mean I have to GET OFF on the 25th floor. So don't worry, hun. You're safe with me."
That too sounded a little forward and perhaps she wouldn't understand what I meant by the difference between get off and GET OFF. So, what if you said something like "I see we're both headed for the 25th floor. I don't want this to be awkward for you as I'm sure being alone with a creepy guy in an elevator is bad enough. Believe me, I understand completely, I hate being in the elevator alone with creepy women."
But, all I got out of that was that it sounded too much like I was admitting to my own creepiness. So, women, what can I say to put you at ease? Should I just stay quiet and fart? I bet that would surely put her at ease for the next 24 floor. Suggestions? Hints? Rude Comments?
Normally in those situations I just whip it out and tell her to "get to work". Happens all the time.
You see, this one of those rare but unique circumstances that I think are absolutely critical in terms of what is said or not said. My personal opinion is that most women feel a little (if not a lot) vulnerable when they're alone inside of an elevator with a man. It's a small, confined area and it would give a would-be attacker a very perfect opportunity so I could certainly understand the extra alertness.
Now, it seems like "the girls of my dreams" always happen to run into me in these kinds of situations and it's always awkward for me as well because I'm always thinking she thinks I'm ready to pounce... And I am...
But, I've always felt like there was something I could say to put her at ease. I thought of this little limerick but I'm not sure if it'd do the trick or not:
Looks like we're both confined in a small space,
headed for pretty much the same place.
When we arrive on the twenty-fifth floor,
I'll follow you to your door,
And we'll make love as I pound in your face.
Short of that, and getting thrown in jail, I think there should be something I could say to put her at ease even if I'm not looking to hit on her. Twenty-five floors could seem like an eternity for her if she's wondering about the precise moment I might do something sinister. Couldn't I just say "I know this is awkward. I promise I'm not a killer."
very scary
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