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I know it could be worse, and I suppose something inside me just wants to spend more time than not with him. He always asks if I mind that he play, and if I have something planned for us he wouldn't ever blow it off. I just wish he would wake up in the morning, or give me some advanced notice instead of waiting until the last second to tell me, then, I can't make any plans & end up sitting at home alone cleaning the place or something. I always take thursday night as my girls night out.
I suppose sometimes honestly I feel like I'm the one putting forth the effort. We had a discussion recently about moving in together. Not for financial reasons or anything, I Guess I would just feel better if he was at home playing video games and we lived together. I fully trust him, we mesh very well but I sometimes I wonder if we're just not on the same level. Urgh. <<< more of a vent than asking for advice.
Why don't you try joining him? If its something like Halo you could just shoot him and show him who's boss
I like my alone time and don't mind video games at all... In fact, me and my ex use to argue over who got to use the ps3 because he wanted to play grand turismo and I wanted to play Uncharted. Maybe we were just weird.
I dunno. I schedule my ME time around when I am already not going to be around my wife. I value every second we do get to spend together...I'm not going to use precious time we both have off doing something else and ignoring her completely. Lame.
Why don't you try joining him? If its something like Halo you could just shoot him and show him who's boss
I like my alone time and don't mind video games at all... In fact, me and my ex use to argue over who got to use the ps3 because he wanted to play grand turismo and I wanted to play Uncharted. Maybe we were just weird.
This is a good idea. Lucky for us, we both like video games.
Because you are. People who are truly in love spend a lot of time together. And any man (and 30 sounds awfully old for this).... who prefers a video game an entire night over YOU... forget it. If he's 16 and doing this, that's cool. He's a grown man!
I don't agree. My SO and I have been together for several years, and we see each other two or three times a week. That is how it has always been. We both like time to pursue our own hobbies. He'll also have "Gamer Geek" night where his brother and a few of the guys come over, set up their computers, and rage.
And he's 34.
In fact, with the exception of when I was married, the most time I spent with a man was W+W--weekends and Wednesdays--and even then, a guy had to be an official boyfriend for any of the gals in my group to give him Saturday night. Once there was a boyfriend in the picture, we made sure to give the gals at least Friday night, even if it meant meeting up with the guy later.
Not all couples want to be velcro'd together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prairieparson
You need to back off a little and give him a little space. What is wrong with a partner spending time, reading, playing golf, watching football, playing poker with his buddies, or whatever. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, but there are other things that are enjoyable in life than justing being with your "partner." Give him some space, and he just might be fine with setting up housekeeping on a permanent basis, but with a lot of guys, if they get the clingy types, they will run.
I agree. If the couple is already seeing each other 5 or 6 times a week, pushing for more is most likely going to come across as clingy and needy.
And not for nothing, but Purple, what about your own friends? You wouldn't want to be "that girl" who drops off the face of the earth just because you have a boyfriend, right?
Why the heck can a man just spit out he wants alone time and be straight forward? Him: I want to play some xbox - Me, I'll be at work all day tomorrow, why can't you do it then? *akward mini silence* Me, okay well I guess Ill talk to you tomorrow - have a good night."
You all have seen a few of my threads on here and I seriously cannot find an answer. Here goes -
My bf and I have a great relationship, it's been over ten months and he spends most of his time with me. About once or twice a week he wants to play video games at his place. Is once or twice a week something I can expect for the length of time we've been together? All the internet responses Im getting from 12-18 yr old women and it's just not the same. we're both 30 years old so I suppose the biological clock is starting to tick and I truly just want to spend time with him. It' sjust hard when he wants to play stupid video games at inopportune times rather than go out and do something fun, or romantic. We have a great relationship but about once a week i get the I just want to play some video games - if you go out to the bar I[ll stop by and see you and then go home.
I like to have my own time, but I have a tendency to work "my time" around his and I feel like I'm disappointed when I feel like he's choosing video game time at a more convenient time.
Bring on the mean, crude responses. I have my own hobbies, girls nights out as well but I just get the feeling like I'm a convience sometimes. Tonight I suppose is one of those nights.
I suppose this could potentially helpful to other readers in a semi-similar spot here so please keep the hate on me at a minimum and try to reach out to the greater majority of those in kind of the same spot. -- I'll make edits on here to add more detail if neccessary.
uncharted 3 came out yesterday with battlefield 3 being just released the other week. Just be glad he isnt' asking for 6 days of personal time/week
He always asks if I mind that he play, and if I have something planned for us he wouldn't ever blow it off. . . . I always take thursday night as my girls night out. . .
I suppose sometimes honestly I feel like I'm the one putting forth the effort. . . sometimes I wonder if we're just not on the same level.
These are the phrases that really jumped out at me. If he doesn't blow off your plans, why not give him his space? If you have a girls night out, is it so wrong for him to want a guys night in?
There are a lot of people that complain about "putting in the effort" when it comes to their relationships. In this case, I would hope there is more to it than just planning your personal time. If he wants one night a week of "me time" and that raises a serious issue with you, there has to be an honest and non-accusatory discussion about it. After all, it's not unreasonable for him to want one or two nights a week to himself, just as it's not unreasonable for you to want to spend most of your free time with him. It really sounds like there's a disconnect that you are trying to blame either squarely on him or you're scapegoating his hobbies. The truth is that there's a mismatch and you should both verbalize your opinions in an effort to come to some kind of consensus. Neither of you can stonewall the other. Give and take.
It's not about video games, it's about his "me time". He's NOT choosing his hobbies over you, he's just trying to create "me time" for himself. It's not up to you to "allow" him his own time. After all, would you really want to spend 24/7 with him if you know he needs a small portion of that time to recharge?
These are the phrases that really jumped out at me. If he doesn't blow off your plans, why not give him his space? If you have a girls night out, is it so wrong for him to want a guys night in?
There are a lot of people that complain about "putting in the effort" when it comes to their relationships. In this case, I would hope there is more to it than just planning your personal time. If he wants one night a week of "me time" and that raises a serious issue with you, there has to be an honest and non-accusatory discussion about it. After all, it's not unreasonable for him to want one or two nights a week to himself, just as it's not unreasonable for you to want to spend most of your free time with him. It really sounds like there's a disconnect that you are trying to blame either squarely on him or you're scapegoating his hobbies. The truth is that there's a mismatch and you should both verbalize your opinions in an effort to come to some kind of consensus. Neither of you can stonewall the other. Give and take.
It's not about video games, it's about his "me time". He's NOT choosing his hobbies over you, he's just trying to create "me time" for himself. It's not up to you to "allow" him his own time. After all, would you really want to spend 24/7 with him if you know he needs a small portion of that time to recharge?
I disagree. I totally understand her feelings. She is saying that he does not give her a heads up. She will have every intention of seeing him and then at the last minute he will tell her plans have changed and he is staying in for the night to play video games.
I get the same way. I will get ticked off when I have a planned schedule of time my boyfriend and I spend a part. My plans always involve other people. It is kind of a kick in the gut to hear "i just dont feel like hanging out, id rather do nothing at home alone".
I disagree. I totally understand her feelings. She is saying that he does not give her a heads up. She will have every intention of seeing him and then at the last minute he will tell her plans have changed and he is staying in for the night to play video games.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleTulip18
He always asks if I mind that he play, and if I have something planned for us he wouldn't ever blow it off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by punky86
I get the same way. I will get ticked off when I have a planned schedule of time my boyfriend and I spend a part. My plans always involve other people. It is kind of a kick in the gut to hear "i just dont feel like hanging out, id rather do nothing at home alone".
I certainly understand the frustration with being flaked out on. It's certainly not fun when someone says they are going to hang out with you and cancels last minute. That being said, am I misunderstanding Purple's posts? It sounds like there will be an evening that she assumes they will spend together and when she asks to hang out he says he wants to have that particular night to himself, and it happens about once a week.
Based on the tone of her posts, it sounds like she feels like she is competing for his attention with his other hobbies. In my opinion this is the wrong way of looking at it. Video games aren't stealing away her boyfriend. At the same time, it doesn't necessarily sound like he's flaking. It sounds like she assumes all downtime should be spent together, and he wants to spend part of it separate. Neither is right or wrong, as all people are different. Purple's way of thinking sounds more extroverted and his sounds more introverted.
I would think accepting each other for who they are instead of holding steadfast to how each of them thinks things "should" be would be the best way to resolve this.
This sounds like an issue that needs to be worked out between the OP and her BF. It also does not sound that bad.
Maybe the SO can set certain days, like every Wed is a video game night, so the OP knows she can easily plan her own hobbies that day without threatening to miss an evening with her SO.
Time away from the relationship can be very important for the relationship to grow and prosper! Each individual must be careful to continue to do the things they enjoy while working on the relationship. When they don't, they may become dissatisfied in the relationship down the road.
My advice would be to let him have a night or two for his hobby, but see if you can work with him to solidify what night or two that will be so it is consistent, and respects your need to schedule farther in advance than he has been allowing.
Best of luck!
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