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I dated someone for a few years back when I was 21, and he was 27 then ... this was 20+ years ago. He was a great guy~ very kind, devoted- I was a bartender then and he was in a band ... needless to say it didn't work out, I was young, and pretty immature ... again, I was only 21 and not ready for anything remotely serious or committed.
Well, after 20+ years, he contacted me on FB and we've been chatting ... he still seems like a nice guy, but he's been dating the same girl for 12 years, they've never lived together, and he's never been married. Both areas which he likes (never married/or lived with someone)- as he said, "I like having my OWN space, place, and life, that's why it lasted as long as it did" ... And, actually he says they're just great friends now, they recently broke up (but still hang out often as 'friends').
I'm single now after ending an engagement and it took me a long time to get to a better, more therapeutic place. I'm not sure I want to entertain any type of unhealthy, or negative friendships/relationships. And, I feel as though he sounds sort of selfish to me, I can't imagine dating someone more than 2 years and not moving in together never mind 12 (not in your 40s anyway) ... Plus, I would think when you meet the right person, you'd want to be together more often and share your space and place ... you'd want to wake up, go to bed with that person each day and night ... Am I wrong ??
Anyway, he said we should meet for drinks, to catch up and just chat ...
I'm not sure if I'm over-analyzing and should just meet to chat, catch-up, or my gut already says, "the past is the past, move on, and don't look back" ....
From a married 62 yr old man.......if your feelings about relationships/marriage isn't the same as his, I'd go with your "gut feelings" of not meeting him. Actually, I think you are right about "the past is the past". Why take the chance of something happening between you two when you and him have different feelings about the relationship/marriage thingy? If you can meet him and just say "hi, how you been" (small talk) with showing no interest in anything else......go for it. But, remember, showing him NO INTEREST in dating him or anything else!
Some people prefer to live alone and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact I would value their sense of self actualization which allows them to realize that they wouldn't be comfortable living with someone. You are free to choose as you please but it seems to me that you may be thinking too much into his choice of living conditions. Obviously this other woman seemed ok with this as they were together for 12 years. That is a long time for today's standards. It seems this to me that this guy knows what he wants out of life.
Why not go for a drink and play catch-up? No harm in that and no point over analyzing. 20+ years have gone by and he's probably nothing like you remember him. The 27 year old boy in the band has probably morphed into an overweight baldie with BO and varicose veins. Who knows? Curiosity begs - have fun and do return to this thread to relate the story, whatever the outcome!
Thank you Loveboating .... I'm not the same person I once was, and honestly, I want to find the right one, not anyone ... I'm not a casual girl, and never plan on being one. Not in my 40s. As for friends, I have enough friends. And, I don't need male friends, they will only create issues when I do meet the right person ...
It's up to you, but if you do decide to meet him......be careful as he doesn't view life the same as you do!
Nothing wrong (in a way) with wanting to have "space" and not wanting a close relationship or marriage, but that is NOT what this lady is looking for!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ImCurlybelle
Thank you Loveboating .... I'm not the same person I once was, and honestly, I want to find the right one, not anyone ... I'm not a casual girl, and never plan on being one. Not in my 40s. As for friends, I have enough friends. And, I don't need male friends, they will only create issues when I do meet the right person ...
No, when I was engaged, I loved coming home every day to someone, making dinner, doing things, celebrating holidays, and being together ... but, he did unforgivable things and so it ended ... I want that again, but this time forever ...
Thank you Loveboating .... I'm not the same person I once was, and honestly, I want to find the right one, not anyone ... I'm not a casual girl, and never plan on being one. Not in my 40s. As for friends, I have enough friends. And, I don't need male friends, they will only create issues when I do meet the right person ...
Oh, come on. Why are you even factoring in anything to do with being a "casual girl"? And one can never have enough friends whether they be male or female. Why on earth would male friends "create issues" if you met the "right person"? So you had one bad experience - it doesn't have to set the pattern for the rest of your life and at 40 you're not exactly over the bloody hill! It's a simple meet not a lifetime commitment.
ImCurleyBelle...you sound like you're looking for Mr Right to love and live with in a (hopefully) lasting and respectful relationship....I don't think this is the man that would be that for you...but if you have the time...you could be friends.
"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you"
--Satchel Paige
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