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Just a quick poll, so to speak, on who out there prefers which option. I have met very few marriage-minded men over 40, few at all, actually, but plenty of women who still care for the idea.
Why is a "shacking up" situation acceptable for those who choose it?
Last edited by Bo; 11-16-2011 at 09:22 PM..
Reason: Moved from Austin forum.
Just a quick poll, so to speak, on who out there prefers which option. I have met very few marriage-minded men over 40, few at all, actually, but plenty of women who still care for the idea.
Why is a "shacking up" situation acceptable for those who choose it?
What is the difference between the two?
In both situations you love someone, you care for someone, you take care of someone. You share laughs and love and a life.
But some people (frankly usually women) aren't satisfied with that. No..they have to have a MARRIAGE. You can't just be in love for the sake of love, you have to PLEDGE and SWEAR in front of family and friends that you will obey and live with your partner until the day you die!
That concept turns some people off. Especially people that are in their 40s, who have seen a little bit of life, and know that something can be good and beautiful and not be permanent. In fact, at 40, you start figuring out the best things in life are IMPERMANENT and fleeting, and that's what makes you cherish them.
If you live with a person for 15 years, and love them and take care of them, and one day you wake up and realize you are different people...What's wrong with that??? 15 years is a lot of love to give. And if you decide to move on, you are not a failure, and it is not a "failed relationship". But that's what marriage teaches you..that you are a failure if you don't want to be with someone till the day you die.
There are a lot of little girl fantasies that float around marriage...thankfully we live in a time where you can be commited and in love and dependant on another human being, and you don't have to run and get permission from your church in order to build a life together. Because that is all religious marriage is, a church makes you vow upon your immortal soul to be chained to someone forever (and usually when you are too young to understand what "forever" really means) and then they have the nerve to make you PAY THEM for that. It's ridiculous.
"Shacking up" is acceptable because why should two people in love have to ask permission from ANYBODY to be in love? Why should they have to ask a church that worships an imaginary god? Or a government that is so far removed from people's everyday lives that they are laughable? I don't date women, but if I did, I would be immediately turned off by one that said "One day I am going to get married to you, because it's not good enough for you to love me....I HAVE TO OWN YOU TOO!" Relationships with women suck, I am so glad I turned out gay. And no, I am not sour on relationships, I have been happily "shacking up" with the same guy for the last 12 and a half years. And if we decided to end it tomorrow, I would have so many great memories with a guy that I spent most of the formative years of my life with.....and I got all that without the benefit of having a marriage license.
But if I would have been straight, then I wouldn't have had those 12 great years. Oh no. Because a woman will choose unhappiness and lonliness rather than be in a happy relationship where you don't happen to be married. Because to many women, a piece of paper is the bedrock of a great relationship.
Why are you posting this in the Austin Forum anyway?
Last edited by JayBrown80; 11-16-2011 at 01:17 PM..
wow. Just wow. hard to imagine that question garnered such hate. I was simply curious what folks thought.
and as far as Austin, I live here, what's your problem with that one??
Marriage is a legally binding contract and entitles the the people who enter in to the contract to certain benefits and protections.
My mother lived with someone (whom I refer to as my step-father) for a decade but they never legally married (they were both in their 50's). When he died suddenly, she learned the hard way just how important that contract is. She was not entitled to anything that did not have her name on it. She was also not allowed to make any medical decisions regarding his care before or after his death (he had a heart attack and died shortly thereafter).
And common law in Texas requires a lot more than just living together (like using your spouse's last name, filing joint tax returns, etc.).
wow. Just wow. hard to imagine that question garnered such hate. I was simply curious what folks thought.
and as far as Austin, I live here, what's your problem with that one??
I'm not hating on you.....I could just as easily have said you are hating on me by using the negative term "shacking up". Of course, I am not overly sensitive and assume everyone is attacking me, so I didn't assume you meant "shacking up" as an attack.
You asked for our OPINIONS on marriage. I gave you my opinion. I didn't insult YOU. Unless you think redvelvet709 and the institution of marriage are the same thing??
Don't project your feelings on me. I have read your other posts. I know you are lonely. I know lonliness sucks. But when you ask someone their opinion on a general question, it is silly to take it personally when someone doesn't share your opinion. Jeez.
And the reason I asked why you posted in the Austin forum is because you have been a city-data member long enough to know that the Austin forum is for AUSTIN specific questions, and your thread is going to be moved to "relationships". The criteria for posting in this forum is not "any subject under the sun...as long as YOU personally live in Austin".
You are seeing criticism where there is none. You need a thicker skin if you want to post on the internet. Not everyone is insulting you.
Last edited by JayBrown80; 11-16-2011 at 01:50 PM..
Marriage is a legally binding contract and entitles the the people who enter in to the contract to certain benefits and protections.
My mother lived with someone (whom I refer to as my step-father) for a decade but they never legally married (they were both in their 50's). When he died suddenly, she learned the hard way just how important that contract is. She was not entitled to anything that did not have her name on it. She was also not allowed to make any medical decisions regarding his care before or after his death (he had a heart attack and died shortly thereafter).
And common law in Texas requires a lot more than just living together (like using your spouse's last name, filing joint tax returns, etc.).
As someone who cannot legally get married because of puritanical A##holes..I completely understand your mother's plight. But couldn't your mother and your step father have created a contract, legally, without getting married?
I know there are NUMEROUS spousal rights that are only available to married couples, and I know that is not just or American, but as far as joint property and dispersement of an estate, that can be covered by a will and a durable power of attorney...sure, very convenient to get WITH marriage, but also attainable without one.
Marriage is a legally binding contract and entitles the the people who enter in to the contract to certain benefits and protections.
My mother lived with someone (whom I refer to as my step-father) for a decade but they never legally married (they were both in their 50's). When he died suddenly, she learned the hard way just how important that contract is. She was not entitled to anything that did not have her name on it. She was also not allowed to make any medical decisions regarding his care before or after his death (he had a heart attack and died shortly thereafter).
And common law in Texas requires a lot more than just living together (like using your spouse's last name, filing joint tax returns, etc.).
Certainly. These are important things. I believe it's vital to love someone enough to provide for these situations. But from what I am noticing, folks who have no belief in God also don't value marriage.
I think it is also crucial to BE the partner you are asking for. Too many women just nag their men, so I can see why many men are opposed to the idea.
Why am I wading into this?! Your are crazy to say that folks who do not believe in God also do not value marriage. The divorce rate is much higher among red state evangelicals who marry young than it is among NE blue-state, non-church goers!
You can look it up!
Jay Browne it takes some serious cash and serious effort and a good lawyer to match the benefits of marriage through civil contracts -- and impossible to touch the federal tax and social security benefits.
But from what I am noticing, folks who have no belief in God also don't value marriage.
.
So atheists don't value marriage?
Let me ask you this? What is more important in a "marriage"?
1) Having a loving, caring, equal partner?
2) Or having god bless your union?
Do you believe you can have one without the other? I sure do. I know MANY marriages blessed by god (done in a church) where the partners are NOT caring, equal or loving. I have known and seen women get the crap beat out of them by their lawfully wedded husbands.
I have also seen many relationships that were not "blessed by god" and are equal, caring and successful.
In my mind, to make a "marriage" or any relationship works, having god's approval is pretty far down on the list of "must haves".
If you met a nice man, and he cared for you, and wanted to be your equal partner, but was unwilling to get married...would you turn him down? Break things off with him? As lonely as you are? Just because he didn't want to swear before YOUR god to be with you forever?
If you did feel that way, can you see maybe why you have trouble forming romantic relationships? Maybe you are focusing on the wrong things?
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