Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Many YMCA/YMCWs have free groups for a variety of things. Universities that offer master's and P.H's in counseling/clinical psych run free/low cost clinics for students in training. They are supervised by licensed psychologists and offer a good service. Good luck!
Have you tried listening to Pandora radio station? It's awesome because it helps you deal with being alone or lonely.
Louise L. Hay has some amazing audiobooks for those who have anxiety and depression.
Take care
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonfly0428
Wow. Hard to write this, but I need help.
In my 40's, and I was going with a great guy for seven years, but on again/off again for the last two. Without going into details, we realized that we weren't on the same page with our values and definition of a relationship. We tried being friends but for me it was disastrous because it hurt so much to see him/know he was with others.
Our last contact, he asked me if we ever had a chance to be together again (in a relationship) and I honestly told him no. I'll readily admit that some of the things that happened while we were together were dealbreakers for me, and I couldn't or can't learn to trust him again. He hung up on me, and I haven't heard from him since.
While I somewhat appreciate the finality of his action (and I have taken further action by moving out of the area), I'm having a hard time fully letting go. He's been my life for a long time, and there is a huge emptiness running through me. I fight myself literally dozens of times a day from calling or emailing him.
Before your advice, here's what you need to know that I already know: I know he hurt me deeply and I deserve better. I know I need to go out and meet people (I know NO ONE here!) but I also know I am just not ready. I am not Facebook "stalking" him or stalking him in any other way. I don't have any photos or sentimental mementos that I am crying over. And I have way too much time on my hands as I am now unemployed and too broke to go anywhere.
I just want the pain to go away F-A-S-T. I'm tired of this and sick to death of myself. I think what also hurts is there really hasn't been any "closure" to this relationship (or maybe there has and I am too dense to know it) and he has not tried to contact me in any way. That in itself is like a knife. I mean, I'd bet this hasn't affected him as it has me and he's easily moved on.
So if I didn't do anything wrong, why am I the one hurting so damn much?
In my 40's, and I was going with a great guy for seven years, but on again/off again for the last two. Without going into details, we realized that we weren't on the same page with our values and definition of a relationship. We tried being friends but for me it was disastrous because it hurt so much to see him/know he was with others.
Our last contact, he asked me if we ever had a chance to be together again (in a relationship) and I honestly told him no. I'll readily admit that some of the things that happened while we were together were dealbreakers for me, and I couldn't or can't learn to trust him again. He hung up on me, and I haven't heard from him since.
While I somewhat appreciate the finality of his action (and I have taken further action by moving out of the area), I'm having a hard time fully letting go. He's been my life for a long time, and there is a huge emptiness running through me. I fight myself literally dozens of times a day from calling or emailing him.
Before your advice, here's what you need to know that I already know: I know he hurt me deeply and I deserve better. I know I need to go out and meet people (I know NO ONE here!) but I also know I am just not ready. I am not Facebook "stalking" him or stalking him in any other way. I don't have any photos or sentimental mementos that I am crying over. And I have way too much time on my hands as I am now unemployed and too broke to go anywhere.
I just want the pain to go away F-A-S-T. I'm tired of this and sick to death of myself. I think what also hurts is there really hasn't been any "closure" to this relationship (or maybe there has and I am too dense to know it) and he has not tried to contact me in any way. That in itself is like a knife. I mean, I'd bet this hasn't affected him as it has me and he's easily moved on.
So if I didn't do anything wrong, why am I the one hurting so damn much?
Dragonfly, I'm so sorry you are hurting this way.
The thing is, when you break up with someone you really love, especially after years together, you go through a grieving process, almost as though they have actually died.
And unfortunately, grief recovery takes a little time.
What you are feeling is so normal and so common, especially because you didn't get "closure" the way you envisioned it should be. However, that doesn't mean there wasn't any, okay?
And if the breakup hasn't "affected him" the way it has you, that's just more proof he wasn't the right guy - so be grateful to have found that out!
What you need to try to do now is focus on other things - get out of your own head!
Get really busy and distract yourself so you don't have time to ruminate over all this stuff.
Let yourself deal with your feelings of sadness and disappointment in little doses, not all day every day.
Find a few groups to volunteer with, a few causes you can really support.
The truth is, when we stop to help others who are also suffering we forget to think of our own troubles quite so much.
And there are many ways you can help others all around you, so get busy
After you've done that for a while you will begin to notice that you feel less and less sad about your own situation, or at least better at coping with it.
Look, you took the first step into the rest of you life. You made a decision that what you had wasn't good enough. Take time to heal but keep in mind what happened was in your best interest. When you're ready to come out, know that you are wiser for it and do not waste any more time on those not worthy. No more hoping for a change, either accept him as he is or move on quickly. Be ruthless to an extent.
Your future happiness is weighing on whether or not you can come out of this with a renewed & more knowledgeable sense of purpose. Good things are never easy, you have to work at it.
It took you sometime to fall into love, don't expect to fall out of love overnight. Your relationship was on again, off again for the last two years, now you know that fighting and arguing eventually ruins relationships, unhealthy relationships don't survive. Why do you think you deserve better, what makes you think he doesn't also deserve better? When you told him there was no hope of a further relationship, what did you expect him to do? I think most 40 year old women would have handle this whole situation differently. There are always two sides to every story and we've heard only part of your side...
In my 40's, and I was going with a great guy for seven years, but on again/off again for the last two. Without going into details, we realized that we weren't on the same page with our values and definition of a relationship. We tried being friends but for me it was disastrous because it hurt so much to see him/know he was with others.
Our last contact, he asked me if we ever had a chance to be together again (in a relationship) and I honestly told him no. I'll readily admit that some of the things that happened while we were together were dealbreakers for me, and I couldn't or can't learn to trust him again. He hung up on me, and I haven't heard from him since.
While I somewhat appreciate the finality of his action (and I have taken further action by moving out of the area), I'm having a hard time fully letting go. He's been my life for a long time, and there is a huge emptiness running through me. I fight myself literally dozens of times a day from calling or emailing him.
Before your advice, here's what you need to know that I already know: I know he hurt me deeply and I deserve better. I know I need to go out and meet people (I know NO ONE here!) but I also know I am just not ready. I am not Facebook "stalking" him or stalking him in any other way. I don't have any photos or sentimental mementos that I am crying over. And I have way too much time on my hands as I am now unemployed and too broke to go anywhere.
I just want the pain to go away F-A-S-T. I'm tired of this and sick to death of myself. I think what also hurts is there really hasn't been any "closure" to this relationship (or maybe there has and I am too dense to know it) and he has not tried to contact me in any way. That in itself is like a knife. I mean, I'd bet this hasn't affected him as it has me and he's easily moved on.
So if I didn't do anything wrong, why am I the one hurting so damn much?
Well, then, send him a damn email. He's probably thinking of you too. What do you care, you're in self-torture mode already?
He asked you again and you said no. Men have big egos. And the "no" gives rise to a sense of catharsis which serves as a thorn which keeps them from reaching back again, becoz another no doubles the catharsis.
You said he made you happy and he was the life for you. Do you need the most perfect individual and besides, do you think the best guy who fits your needs falls down from the sky imminently? Dealbreakers are always dealbreakers. They don't vanish. They are meant to exist forever. What matters the most is the enjoyment and comfort in each other's presence.
Your life. If you want something so bad, you should reach out and take the apple again to cease the pain. He won't come back becoz his ego won't let him. But if you connect with him again, what if he has been expecting you to? If not, then you go your own way.
Life marches on. You don't need that type of friend in your life. And it only complicates future relationships anyway. Gain some self esteem and have the bones to hate him and see him for what he is. You just moved...unknown friends are waiting to meet you.
Call some shrinks though as some bill on a sliding scale.
Well, then, send him a damn email. He's probably thinking of you too. What do you care, you're in self-torture mode already?
He asked you again and you said no. Men have big egos. And the "no" gives rise to a sense of catharsis which serves as a thorn which keeps them from reaching back again, becoz another no doubles the catharsis.
You said he made you happy and he was the life for you. Do you need the most perfect individual and besides, do you think the best guy who fits your needs falls down from the sky imminently? Dealbreakers are always dealbreakers. They don't vanish. They are meant to exist forever. What matters the most is the enjoyment and comfort in each other's presence.
Your life. If you want something so bad, you should reach out and take the apple again to cease the pain. He won't come back becoz his ego won't let him. But if you connect with him again, what if he has been expecting you to? If not, then you go your own way.
But that won't help her get over the relationship. Love can be like a drug because it produces the same euphoria and provides you the highs and lows.
Sometimes it's better to just go for a long long hike or run and you get some release of endorphins that way that help you get over anything.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
