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I've had a few surgeries when I didn't necessarily expect my wife to be there -- back surgery a couple times, hernias, etc. -- and she wasn't. But I had one major brain surgery in which I didn't know if I'd live through it or not. The doctors didn't know, and they didn't know if it was malignant or not, etc. This was one of the largest hospitals in the U.S. and my surgeon one of the most renowned, and he said he'd never seen a brain tumor as large as mine. (I made the training films!) IOW, I was just a bit nervous and wanted my wife to stay with me until they carted me off to the OR.
But she had shopping to do. She was, after all, in the big city and wanted to take advantage of it! Besides that, she said, she was hungry. So I asked for a kiss. She didn't want to smear her lipstick.
She left, and I lay there thinking about it. I decided there and then that if I survived I was getting a divorce. I figured if she wouldn't stay by my side then, she never would. She's now my ex.
Well maybe the husband has a serious phobia??? If he bringing home his money and paying the bills that's gotta count for something. U gotta know ur man and then deal with u get in the bargain.
A fear of hospitals is a possibility. If in every other situation he is a loving and caring husband, this is possible. Otherwise, he just sounds like a selfish jerk. A little help from a schrink might help. Or just get him try to work on this phobia? himself.
I've had a few surgeries when I didn't necessarily expect my wife to be there -- back surgery a couple times, hernias, etc. -- and she wasn't. But I had one major brain surgery in which I didn't know if I'd live through it or not. The doctors didn't know, and they didn't know if it was malignant or not, etc. This was one of the largest hospitals in the U.S. and my surgeon one of the most renowned, and he said he'd never seen a brain tumor as large as mine. (I made the training films!) IOW, I was just a bit nervous and wanted my wife to stay with me until they carted me off to the OR.
But she had shopping to do. She was, after all, in the big city and wanted to take advantage of it! Besides that, she said, she was hungry. So I asked for a kiss. She didn't want to smear her lipstick.
She left, and I lay there thinking about it. I decided there and then that if I survived I was getting a divorce. I figured if she wouldn't stay by my side then, she never would. She's now my ex.
That teared me up just reading it. Glad she is now your ex. I'd have been a wreck in that waiting room until my wife came out of surgery.
Reading the article clearly indicates that this is nothing new where this husband and wife's relationship is concerned and started off with her first stay in the hospital for surgery a few years ago. Since that time she has apparently quite a history of hospital stays for surgery - and obviously has never once addressed the issue of her husband's reluctance to be with her in that setting WITH HIM. But she's certainly chit chatted about it with her friends and family who apparently have much to say about what a baddie he is.
Some people are phobic about hospitals. some people have crappy communication with their spouses and sometimes the twain just meet.
Reading the article clearly indicates that this is nothing new where this husband and wife's relationship is concerned and started off with her first stay in the hospital for surgery a few years ago. Since that time she has apparently quite a history of hospital stays for surgery - and obviously has never once addressed the issue of her husband's reluctance to be with her in that setting WITH HIM. But she's certainly chit chatted about it with her friends and family who apparently have much to say about what a baddie he is.
Some people are phobic about hospitals. some people have crappy communication with their spouses and sometimes the twain just meet.
COMPLETELY agree! The wife should have addressed this with her husband the very first time he let her down this way.
Men aren't mind readers, though women sometimes think they should be
For me personally, I expect my man to be a little more astute than this husband in the article though!
I had a minor surgery (gallbladder) and I drove myself and told them to call my husband when it was time to be picked up.
He was supposed to ask his aunt (whom I barely knew) to take care of our kids so that he could go with me. A few days before he informed me that he "forgot" to ask and wondered if I could just drive myself so that he didn't have to bring my 2 little ones to the hosp (they were 14 months and 3yrs old at the time)
I know this is petty and childish, but that STILL irritates me to this day and he knows it. I was really hurt and insulted...and scared! Thankfully the nurse I had was AMAZING and my anesthesiologist was awesome as well.
I don't think it's childish to feel let down by his actions.
I don't think it's childish to feel let down by his actions.
Have you guys ever talked about it since though?
We have. I had surgery again last year and his first comment was "why don't you drive yourself and I'll stay home with the kids"...
And my repsonse was "I'd rather have you there with me...this time I'LL find care for the kids"
And so he came with me. My doctor would NOT do the surgery without him there, partially because it was exploratory and if she found something, she wanted him there to inform him how things would progress.
I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder about the first surgery, but when I think of it I do still feel bad. After 5 1/2 yrs you would think I could get over it!
We have. I had surgery again last year and his first comment was "why don't you drive yourself and I'll stay home with the kids"...
And my repsonse was "I'd rather have you there with me...this time I'LL find care for the kids"
And so he came with me. My doctor would NOT do the surgery without him there, partially because it was exploratory and if she found something, she wanted him there to inform him how things would progress.
I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder about the first surgery, but when I think of it I do still feel bad. After 5 1/2 yrs you would think I could get over it!
Betting you're not "over it" because he's never apologized sincerely
Sorry he let you down.
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