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How did your friendships, with people of the opposite sex, change once you had a serious relationship/got married? Or did they? Should they?
This is new for me, having an SO who has several female friends, one in particular that is very close. I don't know if they ever dated in the past, not sure if that would make much of a difference. I've only had male acquaintances, none that I would consider close friends, and none that I hang out with in my free time, so that's the perspective I come from.
With this one friend, he was her fallback date for functions where you needed a date and didn't have one, and recently she's asked him to a couple of events with her. To his credit, he has said no, but I wonder why she would ask him to be her date to anything when he has a girlfriend.
I talked to a couple of girlfriends about this. One said that since they've been friends for so long (20 years) it shouldn't be a big deal to me for him to go with her, that it doesn't "mean anything". Another friend said that it doesn't matter how long they have been friends, you don't go out as a female friend's date to anything when you have a girlfriend.
Do the rules/relationships between opposite friends change? Thoughts?
How did your friendships, with people of the opposite sex, change once you had a serious relationship/got married? Or did they? Should they?
This is new for me, having an SO who has several female friends, one in particular that is very close. I don't know if they ever dated in the past, not sure if that would make much of a difference. I've only had male acquaintances, none that I would consider close friends, and none that I hang out with in my free time, so that's the perspective I come from.
With this one friend, he was her fallback date for functions where you needed a date and didn't have one, and recently she's asked him to a couple of events with her. To his credit, he has said no, but I wonder why she would ask him to be her date to anything when he has a girlfriend.
I talked to a couple of girlfriends about this. One said that since they've been friends for so long (20 years) it shouldn't be a big deal to me for him to go with her, that it doesn't "mean anything". Another friend said that it doesn't matter how long they have been friends, you don't go out as a female friend's date to anything when you have a girlfriend.
Do the rules/relationships between opposite friends change? Thoughts?
One of my best friends in the World is female. We have been friends for 19 years now. There was some attraction between us in the beginning, but nothing ever happened. Now, I consider her the closest thing I have to a sister and the thought of any hanky-panky with her just seems weird.
Some of my GFs over the years where cool with that, and some did not understand, but under no circumstance was I going to stop being friends with this person.
Outside of that, I believe that once a friendship between opposite sexes has been established, the idea of having sex goes out the window. There might be instances where the "rules" change, but generally the friendship takes precedent over anything else This is particularly true when it is understood that sex is the easiest way to ruin a friendship.
I have a few other strictly platonic friendships with women, and even though the dynamics of those friendships are different than with my male friendships, I highly value them. I never understood the idea that men and women cannot be friends since I, like many of my other male friends, are living proof of this.
Marriage should change nothing between you and your friends. My two very best friends in the world are male. No sexual attraction between us and we've remained just friends for 20+ years. My husband's BF is a female. Again, no sexual attraction and they are like brother and sister.
It always makes me laugh (sarcastically) when people here constantly proclaim, "Men and women cannot be friends." Because their life doesn't include this perfectly normal and ubiquitous reality, they assume it doesn't exist for others.
I don't expect my SO to give up his friendships with women, however I don't think it's appropriate for him to be his female friend's "date" to events any longer. I'm grateful he also saw it that way. I'm more curious why she didn't.
I don't expect my SO to give up his friendships with women, however I don't think it's appropriate for him to be his female friend's "date" to events any longer. I'm grateful he also saw it that way. I'm more curious why she didn't.
I agree...and I feel his woman friend needs to take the fact that he is in a committed relationship into consideration when she's looking for a date.
I don't expect my SO to give up his friendships with women, however I don't think it's appropriate for him to be his female friend's "date" to events any longer. I'm grateful he also saw it that way. I'm more curious why she didn't.
I agree too. Once in a relationship or married, I think it is wise to not put yourself into a situation which could cause temptation, or cause suspicion and damage trust. Having a friend of the opposite sex is not going to do that. Going on a "date" with them is another matter.
I am sure there is a long list of people who met with a friend under the best of intentions, made a mistake (or a few) and ended up cheating because they made those mistakes.
Geez, why is this thread so poorly attended considering the pages-long other threads on the topic in general?! C'mon, folks, don't be shy! Tell us those advantages!
Geez, why is this thread so poorly attended considering the pages-long other threads on the topic in general?! C'mon, folks, don't be shy! Tell us those advantages!
Looks to be a slow night in general in CD land...dont worry, there will be someone that will come along soon.
I'm sure there will even be one or two that will tell us how one cant EVER be friends with the opposite sex.
I don't mind my SO being friends with the opposite sex. I would, however, mind the "date" thing. I think the female friend needs to learn to recognize boundaries. Why she would think that was ok...? I don't know, but she apparently doesn't respect you or your relationship.
I think most male-female friendships do change when one of the players get involved with someone else romantically (it should, anyways). I have a very close male friend and we are physically affectionate (hugs, linking arms, etc), but if he started dating someone, that would absolutely change - I wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole for fear of having my eyes scratched out.
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C'mon, folks, don't be shy! Tell us those advantages!
